Why won't he stop talking to his ex?

[Sadgrl0]

I don't know if he's cheating on me or what! I live with him, we've been together for almost 5 months now. When we got together, he had been split up with his ex fiance for about two weeks. I knew I was probably a rebound, but he insisted I wasn't, and I believed him. After awhile they started talking again, he would shut the messenger down whenever I walked in, and he kept texting her when he thought I was asleep. He calls her, and insists that she asked him to, and that they're just friends, but I couldn't deal with it anymore, so I did the one thing I swore I would never do last night. I went through his phone. The texts show that he's the one asking to call her, and when she said 'I love you' he said it back. She constantly asks if I'm mad, and he says 'no, I told her about how you kept the ring' and I'm about to have a breakdown, because I hold everything in, aside from all the secrecy, he's the sweetest guy in the world. I love him. I just want to know if I'm at risk of losing him, or if he's just playing with me and using me for a place to live or something...

Updates

+1 y

UPDATE: He and I talked calmly about it (I hate screaming matches, don't you? Make my ears ring) and he said he won't talk to her anymore. His idea, not mine. I don't really believe him, but I'm just going to go along with it for now.

Updates

+1 y

Great news! Not even a day later she started texting him, and he just kept on texting back. It's like he f*cking forgot that he promised me he wouldn't talk to her. Right in the middle of Wal-mart, she called him, and I was forgotten. I'm a pushover...

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+1 y

he fell asleep whilst on the telephone with her... and I didn't say a word, I simply hung up the phone... Perhaps I enjoy being used

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+1 y

found revealing IMs between them, broke up with him, had a breakdown before he left, and told him he could stay... I can't do it...

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+1 y

this is the last one, I'm leaving him in the morning. goodbye, and thanks for all your advice

[authentic]

"I just want to know if I'm at risk of losing him, or if he's just playing with me and using me for a place to live or something..."

You never "have him", from the beginning to now. And, he is using you as a crutch. What do you expect a drowning person to do when s/he sees ANYTHING that looks like floating? Tell the truth? No. S/he doesn't say anything, s/he just grab onto that OBJECT instinctively.

You are right when you said "I knew if was probably a rebound". Time has proven to you, that your gut feelings were right. If you don't "learn" to listen to yourself, and instead listen to what other people (i.e. the world at large) say, the same kind of experience will happen again, again, and again, ALL your life, until you know when to listen to yourself. These "lessons of life" come with different packaging, some investors lost, lost, and lost, and every time they would say, "I just knew that xyz whatever is a bad buy, but the broker was so convincing...". Some say it practically into their 70s. Truly miserable.

This is no small thing. You're fighting a war with yourself. i.e. You don't trust yourself/gut feelings. And this is serious. That guy is just a pawn, there will be others.

The real issue which you need to figure out is "WHY am I not listening to my own gut feelings? WHY, WHY, WHY?" Think back, over the past years, this is probably not the first time you "lost" by ignoring your own gut feelings?

[authentic]

"I don't really believe him, but I'm just going to go along with it for now." >>> link

How to know when it is over?

Step 1 Be realistic. If you're being abused, hurt, cheated on or lied to, it's time to cut your losses and get out.

Step 2

Think about the future you're creating. If your partner is jealous, obsessive, possessive or overly emotional, consider the extra burden you are carrying in dealing with those behaviors.

Step 3

Is he a shameless flirt? Is she bossy? demanding? insecure? These are more signs of a rocky road ahead.

Step 4

Do you truly enjoy each other's company, or do you find yourself relieved whenever you part company? If the latter, it doesn't bode well.

Step 5

Evaluate your role in maintaining the relationship. If you feel as if you're doing all the work, it's time to talk or walk.

Step 6

Does he promise to call and then forget? Is she terminally late? Be honest with yourself. Is this what you want?

Step 7

Do you feel accepted and appreciated? If not, move on.

Source: >>>> link

[meplusabeemer]

He is cheating emotionally. It sounds like there are still lingering feelings between them. He definitely still has feelings for her, and the fact that he is hiding convos from you supports this.

Are you a rebound? I am sorry to say this but I think this might be the case. Either that or a distraction from the break up. I am just trying to be honest. I do not want to add to your pain.

I think you need to back away. It will be difficult for you and I know that you love him. However, how is this situation fair to you? What are you getting out of this but pain? Furthermore, he needs to make up his mind, her or you. Until he makes a clean break from the ex (meaning zero contact) then I think you need to move on.

The decision is yours. Good luck.

[Sadgrl0]

I didn't want him to have to stop talking to her though... He still cares for her, and even taking out the love factor, they've known each other since the beginning of high school, they're like best friends... I feel like I'm in the wrong here for wanting to cry every time he talks to her...

[meplusabeemer]

I think you're enabling his behavior but not saying anything. It's one thing to be friends with an ex and another to do what he is doing. Don't you feel like you deserve some respect? Why do you want to be a push over, I mean, aren't you better than that? Don't stay with him because you're afraid to be alone. You deserve better.

[Tamaro04]

I don't know. That situation sounds a little shaky.

2 weeks wasn't really enough time to heal from that relationship.

I mean obviously they still have feelings for each other especialy if

they are sending I love you texts. Tough call girl but If that were me I would

leave him alone. Your sharing him and I want a man that's ALL MINE- his

attention should not be ANYWHERE else.

Good Luck Hun :)

[gakewa]

Even if he's not cheating on you he is obviously still hung up on his ex.

There's nothing wrong with staying friends with an ex or having female friends in general, but this is not a normal friendship. He shouldn't be treating you like this and you shouldn't be letting him. If I were you I'd end it and tell him to go back to his ex while you move forward with your life.