I found condoms in a hidden desk drawer, is my man cheating?

[jezbecuz]

First off, I do not typically snoop and I came across this spot on accident. So anyway, my boyfriend has a hiding place in his desk at our house that he didn't know I knew about. About two month ago, I found the drawer and in it were jeweler cards with ring numbers on it (engagement rings). Well, as any 23 year old girl would do I kept a close watch on this drawer. I went to Las Vegas to visit some family for a week and when I came back I decided to check the drawer. To my dismay, I found 11 condoms in the drawer (a normal pack has 12). I was absolutely sure there was another girl in my house and my boyfriend cheated on me. So, I confronted him and called him.

He lied at first and said he didn't know what I was talking about. So I hung up on him. He called me back and told me he was really embarrassed but he used it to masturbate while I was gone. The dumb thing is that we have a "Sex drawer" with condoms already in it. But he still went out and bought a new pack.

I want to believe him, he has never given me a reason to distrust him. However, my past boyfriend experience tells me to get rid of him. It has been a few weeks since then, but I just can't let it go. I haven't talked to him about it since then.

What do you guys think?

[tex151]

Sounds like he´s cheating to me, you said you have a sex drawer with condoms alreay in it, well if you both share this drawer you probably know how many condoms are in it correct ? So what he is thinking is well if I take one out then she will know and I am screwed, she will get suspicious. But he has this secret drawer that has all kinds of other stuff in it, so if I was going to cheat on my girlfriend I wouldn't use the condoms in the sex drawer I would go out and buy my own and hide them in my secret drawer because she doesn't know about the drawer.

So now you found his drawer and he denied it at first and then you hung up on him, right after that he was like oh shit better come up with an excuse and so he used that one, which in my opion is one of the worst excuses in the world. I would have said something like oh I went to the bar with my friend while you were gone and well he brought that box of condoms and when we went out he left it in my car, and when we got back to the car, he took one out because he went home with a girl and he didn't want to bring the whole box with him so I told him don't worry about it I will take them home and whenever we hang out again I will give them back.

[Stratofever6]

I was actually in the same predicament once, and I actually made the effort to the store to by condoms to masturbate with. I hid them from my girl because we don't use condoms and it would have been silly for me to keep them in our "sex draw" besides I wanted her really knowing I was masturbating.

I would find more evidence before you claim he was cheating. And remember" A Jealous person is troublesome to others, but torture to them selves. that small bug that plagues your heart will soon turn in to an uncontrollable 3 headed monster over time.

[jezbecuz]

I completely agree. I wouldn't throw away something this great over a "maybe" situation. Thanks!

[TyrSeraphim]

To me, personally, I think it sounds like you already made your mind up with that "he lied" remark. Then again, considering you have other condoms in the other "sex drawer", you raised a valid point.

Men are weird things though. Maybe he thought if he took one from the regular drawer, the next time you checked you'd find the missing condom dilemma and think he was cheating. Maybe that's why he bought a new pack and hid them in a secret drawer you're not supposed to know about which also has pictures of engagement rings in.

. And again. Personally. I would never have watched the drawer, but possibly a good thing you did.

[jezbecuz]

Yeah I know I shouldn't look. But I just wanted to see if he did any shopping while I was gone lol! Thanks for the advise :)

[TyrSeraphim]

I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful. The pessimistic side of me says something isn't smelling right, the loved-up side is giving me maybes. I hope it works out for you

[epavlova]

From your updated comments, it sounds like you have decided to wait, and give this guy another chance. I hope this guy justifies your faith in him. But I would be very suspicious, because: (1) he lied to you when you first confronted him; (2) it is now beyond dispute that he bought a new pack of condoms, used one, and hid the rest in a secret drawer. Points (1) and (2) give you ample reason to distrust this guy. And his "masturbation" explanation is just a bit too convenient. At the very least, you will now need to watch this guy closely. But, really, who wants or needs a relationship like that? Without trust, what's really left?

[Redhrgrl]

Sigh. Yes, he's cheating on you. Using condoms to masturbate is honestly one of the oldest (and weakest) cover stories.

I knew a guy who slept with a girl in his car and put the condoms in the glove box, where his girl found them the next day. He said he used them to masturbate while he was driving.

Sorry, but it sounds like you know the truth, anyway.

[jezbecuz]

If they were in his car, I definitely wouldn't buy it...i just don't feel like I should end the relationship unless I know for sure. He is a really great guy and he has always treated me wonderful. also the last guy that cheated on me was always gone and the emotional connection was flat GONE too. I think I need to wait it out, because if I am wrong I will never forgive myself for letting this one go.

[Suave-Man]

Okay I'd hate to admit it but I've used condoms to masturbate. Why? Because the cleanup is easy (stays inside the condom) and it feels way better when a tight condom is covering your penis. But umm. Why would he get extras? Maybe because he didn't want you to think that the missing one's from the bedroom were used for other sex. I don't know. I will tell you though that it's normal to use condoms to masturbate. But in my opinion, he wouldn't be buying extra condoms and hiding them if he had nothing to hide. He would have just used the one's in the drawer and said, "chill out, I masturbated" and not gave a damn what you think because he knows he's loyal. That's just what I would do.

[kazine]

Yeah but he might be embarrassed about using a condom to masturbate.

[AJtogo]

First of all, I don't think that you are absolutely sure there was girl in your house, else you would have some solid reason to kick him to the curb. His story is not totally unbelievable as an embarrassing situation does make people lie to protect themselves. A missing condom from your sex drawer would have been noticed so he had his own stash. It is a bit questionable, but you got your answer.

I also think that if you were gone for a week and if he was cheating, then there would be more that one condom missing. OR, maybe that was a new pack:)

Perhaps you need to cut him some slack on this one and just keep the radar up for awhile. If he is cheating, it will be found out if you're on your toes.

[Jackal1412]

I am a guy and every time I masturbate I use a condemn. It feels better, it keeps the lubrication where it needs to be (not on the sheets), and it makes clean up very simple. I have been in a relationship with a girl for ever three years and haven't even told her that I masturbate. I keep a stash of my condemns a secret from my girlfriend for this exact purpose. There is a good chance that he isn't cheating on you as well. I found out about this tip from a web-page when I was back in middle school; boy where they right.

[jezbecuz]

He said he found it out in middle school too. he is kind of a neat freak. the thing is that he has been cheated on by a past girlfriend and generally doesn't seem like the type of guy that would do that. also I found out yesterday that he was at our friends house everyday that week except one because he was working (and I know that). By the way, he is really careful with money and last week he gave me a credit card. I'm not sure he would do that if he was cheating. I think ill wait it out.

[annwyl-cariad]

Used the condom to masturbate? Pray tell, why would one do that? There is absolutely no reason to use a condom while masturbating. I can't believe that lie gets pulled out so often. It's blatantly false. Sorry hun, but your boyfriend did not use that condom to masturbate. Chances are real good he cheated.

[jezbecuz]

I think that is why I can't shake the feeling that he did. The problem is I just can't find anymore evidence! Grrr!

[annwyl-cariad]

*shrug* For me, that would be evidence enough. Best of luck getting this whole situation sorted.

[lovebird01]

I'm sorry to say this, but it does sound like he's cheating. No guy I know uses a condom to masturbate. What's the point in that? Doesn't even make sense! The reason you can't find any more evidence is that now he's on to you. He knows you're watching him, so he's covering his tracks! I would break up with him and move on. I don't think he's being truthful with you.

[AJtogo]

Hey guy, I think you got it wrong on this one....see suaveman and jackel's responses....it's not an uncommon experience. As well, if you look at the girls responses below, you'll see why the guy would have been embarrassed to tell his girl exactly why he used the condom. I think he came clean (lol, no pun intended) and there's probably no cheating going on.

[lovebird01]

Hey, If I'm wrong here, I stand corrected. For her sake, I hope he isn't cheating! I had just never heard of using a condom in this manner; now I know!

[AJtogo]

Hey guy, I'm not knocking you here. I've read many of your answers on other subjects and have agreed with you. Nice to see you get one wrong:)

[tallnhungjoe]

Were the condoms a different type, or brand? I know that I enjoy masturbating with condoms, but when I do I get the XL size because of my size.

It is possible he is telling the truth... but... condoms come in smaller packages than 12...

Just keep your eyes open, if he's not faithful, you'll find out soon enough

[Dr-Shankums]

Hmm, well while it's not normal to use condoms to masterbate (they will rip) I've actually done it before, so I would say it might be beleiveable. Are they a different type/brand? Maybe he didn't want you knowing that he used the condoms to masterbate in because, like he said, its embarrising. I would say that you don't have anything to worry about, but maybe you should respect his privacy.

[Kenographer]

I do not use a condom to masturbate, nor have I ever heard of anyone else using one. I would not jump to any thing yet though. He might be using it to cover for something. Like he went out with his friends, and one of them needed it. I carry one when I go out, just in case.

[Stratofever6]

You must not wack it enough, I'm very eventful when it comes to self pleasure. A condom is great for working it, its a whole bunch of slippery happiness

Course you never here of this because people just don't talk about it much

Besides, when ever I used a condom for sex, I at least used 2 or 3 throughout the night

[Kenographer]

Yeah, I don't masturbate every day. Just never thought of using a condom.

[sweetecho10]

I don't think you should freak out this much. There was only ONE condom missing, not 5 or 6. He may have used it to masturbate, who knows? Don't go basing your decision off one condom. You said he's a neat-freak, just wait it out like you said.

[coltdiddy]

I say your in a tough pickle until you can get some more evidence. It takes more than 1 clue to solve a murder. Install a hidden camera in your bedroom and go away for the weekend. Cameras don't lie, if he's cheating you'll have it on tape

[jezbecuz]

I don't think I would want to violate his privacy with a camera. Maybe if I find more evidence ;)

[coltdiddy]

I think you already violated his privacy by going through his drawer. It would be the solid evidence you are looking for. What do you really have to lose here? An engagement ring?

[kazine]

Yes, an engagement ring. She doesn't want to ruin their relationship for nothing!

If you found out your partner had installed a secret camera watching whatever you did in your bedroom would you want to marry them?

[coltdiddy]

If I found out my partner didn't trust me in the first place by looking through my stuff I wouldn't marry them which is worse than a secret camera anyway. If I had a partner who accused me of cheating with some condoms I wouldn't marry them. I wouldn't marry someone who is very materialistic about shiny metals and sparkly rocks either.

whatever happened about all this anyway? did you dump him or what?

[kazine]

Well. Maybe she isn't all that interested in the ring, maybe she's excited about him proposing? Not all girls are materialistic bitches. We do have feelings. Maybe she was genuinely excited about the thought of marrying him?

[wildd]

Yep he's cheating. I have NEVER heard of a guy masturbating with a condom? Wtf (no offense) but really. Dump him. Let him go. Move on. You are worth more then anything to have a guy f*** you over. Good luck with everything.

[Sugarcoat]

Dump him, He's lying. What guy masturbates into a condom? That's just ridiculous.

I'm sorry you have to go through this, you deserve a lot better. Just remember there are lots of good faithful guys out there, so don't give up on love.

[Talia]

Just leave his ass he doesn't deserve you. Ok first of all why would he use a condom to masturbate. Its just an excuse to not tell you the truth. Am sorry but your ex is giving you good advice.

[littledick]

Honey, if he's not using them with you he's using them with someone else. While it's true I have masturbated with condoms I wouldn't have bought them in the first place if I didn't think I was going to use them with someone else. I like the feel of latex, but not THAT much!

[Rickxx8]

I hate to say but I do believe he is cheating on you. Everybody has there own opinion. If you have a special drawer for that stuff and he has condoms in another. Coffee is on. Wake up