What if your boyfriend says you remind him of his ex-girlfriend?

[oooeeyyy]

well my boyfriend says I act like his ex, but doesn't wanna break up with me, & than he'll say that I'm way better than his ex.. I'm so confused & he also only went for her, cause he couldn't have me, because I chose my ex over him... it's a long story

Also,he ended it with his ex girlfriend for me because my ex & I ended ours... Well we've liked each other for over 4 years but made it official 9 months ago.. so I don't want to end it, but I don't know what to do cause I'm really hurt by his comments..

[Average-Joe]

I think that he of course, is not over her. Although, it is really hard to get over someone, especially for guys (I have an article from PsychologyToday that discusses that, if you're interested). If we all waited to be completely over an ex before dating someone else, no one would date. He's bringing that up because his ex was part of his past and he remembers it. If he didn't mention it every once in a while, you'd be ignoring a part of his life.

I suggest you just just be upfront about it with him-if you aren't, you're just delaying the problem until it gets worse. Say, "I know that your ex was important to you, and may still be, and I can respect that. But when you compare me to your ex, it kinda hurts. I know that you love me, its just that when you mention your ex I kinda feel like an outsider-you're with me know and I'd like for that to be the focus right now." He must love you more than his ex, especially since he left his ex specifically to be with you, so there is really no intended harm in what he says. Make sure he knows that you trust him (if you do trust him), and and that you love him (if you do love him), and hopefully he should understand.

Good luck, and hope this helps

[oooeeyyy]

Hey, thanks a lot that helps so much!! yeah I always reassure him & I love him & that I trust him.. but the thing is, they only went out for like a month... (he never really liked a girl more than a month.. unless it came to me..) which is weird... but I will tell him that, I love him & don't wanna loose him.. you know? & I don't want it to have to get nasty or anything..

[Average-Joe]

I totally understand. Things are so good, then they get complicated and it can kinda suck. But from where you're at right now, you can either risk it that it'll be just fine, or you can do nothing-which ensures he will keep doing something that bothers you.

Also, he could be bringing up his ex because he feels so comfortable with you. He feels so sure that you love him and that you know he loves you, that he is open enough to tell you things like that.

[Average-Joe]

Its like if a couple has been together for a long time, they might start saying to each other "that lady over there is pretty hot" or "I want to marry that actor". They trust each other enough that they know the intentions are good-not like "look over at that lady: she is your competition". Its just being comfortable enough to say things on your mind, especially things that happen automatically (remembering things, being attracted to others, etc.).

[oooeeyyy]

Yeahhh we are pretty comfortable, but we never say if we find other people attractive, cause he knows in my last relationship my ex did that & turns out he was cheating on me with hat girl. But it is hard, we do trust eachother, but things happen in the begining that still makes me question him. which I know is bad. But I trust him that he loves me & is over his ex, but I know for a fact his ex isn't over him, she was a friend of mine, & now is always asking how he's doing why he hates her

[oooeeyyy]

& stuff like that, & it's really annoying! But I never tell him she's saying that, which I don't think I have too right? but he did also delete her number out of his phone, but he did also delete all the girls numbers out of his phone, because he wanted too & wanted me to be the only girl he talked too, so I did the same for him..

[yannick]

Can you give a link to the article you mentioned? I totally agree with it and I'm interested in the reasons why.

[Average-Joe]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sticky-bonds/200906/are-men-romantic

[Average-Joe]

On that article, also take the time to read the comments (there's a link at the end of the article). They discuss it even further.

[lilcam]

alright I don't want to sound mean but you need to tell him how you feel. obviously if he left his ex for you he loves you but then that could mean that if he falls for someone else then he could leave you for them. I'm sorry but you need to sort it out. talk to him before it gets any worse. once again I'm sorry if what I said sounds mean. good luck x cameron x <3

[blaubeca]

Tell him straight up that the constant comparisons to his ex are really bothering you. Phrase it like "When you say that I remind you of your ex, I feel like________" Don't get mean or nasty about it, because he might not even realize that he is doing it or that it bothers you. Talk to him in a communicative understanding manner, but get the point across that his statements are bothering you and they need to stop.

By constantly comparing you and the relationship to his past, then he is making it difficult for y'all to have to future that ends differently than his past relationships (ie breaking up). If his comparisons don't stop, then maybe try a different approach, you could even compare him to your exes, or to some really good guy and see how he likes it!

[Starling]

Tell him you don't like being told that though, he's obviously not with his ex anymore, and if you remind him too much of her it's like saying he doesn't want to be with you. That's how I feel when someone says that anyways, though I know this isn't true. People generally have a type they go for, and it happens all the time. Doesn't mean you wanna hear about it how your like her, people don't like being compared like that.

[socute22]

I'm happy I'm the first to answer. This guy's not over his ex at all! If he keeps talking to you about her he's not over her. If a guy brings up an ex without you bringing her up first HE'S JUST NOT OVER HER LOL! Going out with you should make him forget all about his ex.

[oooeeyyy]

It's not like he brings her up, it's just he said I was acting like her.. but still he souldn't.. I don't wanna be childish & be like oh well you remind me of my ex, but I do want to make him feel how I did.. is that wrong?

[socute22]

No, that's not wrong. I'm not sure if you should do it lol but it's up to you

[confusedgirl22]

yep once they start going on about the ex, they're just not over them. I had an boyf who was going on about an ex and the relationship ended badly in the end. I think you should dump him because the whole thing is pretty much doomed now. I've been in that situation and its like "eh where the hell did her name come out of it?!" The first of many bad signs in the relationship. This won't go away-it doesn't sound like he's really into the relationship so there'll be other things too.

[jck54]

hhahahah okkay.. not worth it.. I would get out of the situation only because if I reminded my boyfriend of his ex he would be with her... so I would sure hope that I didn't remind my boyfriend of his ex...

[ryanontario]

this kind of thing happens and people do remind people of other people , that's pretty normal . it might take him a bit of time to totally get her out of his head