Cut all contact with she sad/hurting like I am? Why won't she contact me?

My ex girlfriend broke up with me. She said she still loved me but she needed time alone. She said she would miss me etc. She didn't want to be 'friends with benefits' just in case one of us got hurt 'if we went off with another person' . I deleted her from Facebook, and cut contact

I said we couldn't be friends. Then that night, I get a text message saying: 'I've thought about everything, you're right, we can't be friends, we can't be anything at all. It's sad but you're right'

I think she said 'you're right a few too many times there ha. I didn't reply, and I am emotionally in bits the past week. How can she just dump me and then cut contact with me? If she really loved me, wouldn't she STRIVE to be my friend? Is she hurting as much as I am? It has only been a week but why won't she call? Did she send me that message to call my bluff, or to pretend to agree with me? HELP...

Update: I added her on Facebook over Christmas, to extend the olive branch. And sent her a text. She replied to the text: 'thanks, and same to you'. She added me on Facebook, and then deleted me off of it a few hours later. I'm so confused..


Most Helpful Girl

  • You don't understand; she still loves you and is hurting as much as you are but she's trying to ease the pain but cutting you out of her life. Trust me, that's the easiest way to go about getting over someone. You should do the same if you're trying to get over her too.


What Girls Said 13

  • Sometimes it just gets confusing and everything from the past gets dragged up when you see them. She at least needs to establish where she wants her life to go from here before she sees you again. Perhaps she's still attracted to you in some way but knows she shouldn't do anything about it, but doesn't trust herself not to. At least give her some time to get used to being single again and get a clearer idea of what she wants.

  • yeah it hurts on both sides. and honestly after I date a guy, I don't see him as just friend-if we're serious and we had all those memories and were really close, it's hard for me to see him just as friend-it's not that we don't want to be friends with you, it hurts to do so.

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  • Honestly, people get weird after they break up with eachother, and rightfully so. It's a new chapter, the same rules don't apply. If she broke it off with you and cut off contact with you, that's a strong sign that it isn't going to happen. It sucks, and breakups hurt, and I'm sure she's hurting too, she's just going about it in a different way than you are. Take the time you need to heal and get over her. You'll find someone worthy of your love, just stay positive and don't let the situation jade you from happiness in the future with someone else. There are 6 billion people on earth, you'll live if this one doesn't work out. Ignore her texts, anyone who texts something that important is immature.

  • She is agreeing with you because she wants you to see that she is not hurting and meeting the needs of your wants... which you deleted her out of her life. If you want her back, I'd take my pride down and make an effort to reach out. It could show her that you still care for her and want her back. Like the guys said, it's a two way relationship. You can take a chance if you want and feel it's right.

  • Like she said earlier, she needed time alone. And sometimes having your profile on Myspace or Facebook right there doesn't allow her that necessary space. You need to back off and let her breathe. If she wants to speak with you, SHE will seek you out.

  • Be careful what you wish for, because you may just get it. When you break up, you do need time alone. I personally don't believe in keeping friendships with exes. You go your separate ways, and if down the road you change, and decide to give it another go, then fine... it happens. But too many people don't give their ex time to grow as a single person, and it ruins the potential "friendship". So many of my friends have smothered their ex, and it makes the person run for the hills.

    Let her go, and if she wants to be your friend, she'll come back around. But don't do the clingy thing. No games or phone tag. Leave her be, and learn to adjust. Who knows what the future has in store.

    Best of luck!

  • You are doing the right thing by cutting contact. It may hurt more in the short term but will hurt less in the long run. Also I'm sure she does really care about you, and I'm sure she does want to call you, but she is probably very aware that it will just seem like she is stringing you along. She may want to respect your decision to cut contact and not be friends. Be glad that she is respecting your space. You probably can't ever be friends unless you have a period of not contacting each other and having space.

  • Sorry I hate to say this to you, but I've been broken up with too, recently and it's hard to think about. I've gotten dumped. The dumper always has a head start on the break up and feeling better about moving on then the person that has been dumped.

    She's basically calling it quits, and doesn't want to be with you. Trust me, I wish she did. I wish my ex still wanted me, out of all of the sh*tty lies he's told, and the illusion that he said he wanted to marry me one day. He's gonna be the hardest guy to just erase out of my brain.

  • I have been in that situation...

    My ex boyfriend of 3 years dumped me and wanted me back straight away.

    I loved him... he was my first time!

    But when he wanted me back I couldn't bare to look at him because it just hurt.

    I cut all contact with him and a couple of months later he came back to me somehow

    Me, being strong, rejected him again, how could I take someone back who caused me that much pain?

    I couldn't trust him because I was too scared he'd do it again! x

    I couldn't be friends with him... it was too strange

    And I hated him so much for hurting me like that

    I know our situations aren't identical but I hope this helped from a girls point of view. But just so you know, 2 years later I am happy and in the best relationship I've ever been in. It takes time to forget about them. If she's causing you this much hurt, delete her number and cut contact completely. It will make you feel so much better. I did that and the tears stopped rolling and there was a smile on my face again :)

  • When you break up with someone, it's usually best to take some time before being friends. The transition to friends without time alone to move on is very difficult and usually doesn't work. Give it some time. In a few months, maybe you can be friends. She didn't say not talking to you was going to be easy, just that she thinks it's best. Give her some respect for making a hard decision, and remember you're the one who said first that you couldn't just be friends. She's probably trying to do what she thinks you want given the breakup.

  • It's obvious that you're still hurting but she is as well..

    Facebook is dangerous to relationships that have just ended because your own curiousity will make things harder and worse. Time apart and not speaking is the best way to mend a broken heart. Easier said than done but it's helpful. It's obvious, you both still care about each other and realize that it'll hurt way too much to see one another with someone new. Let her go, time between allows a person to figure out who they are and what they actually want for themselves even if it means meeting new people or maybe wanting you back. Try not to dwell on this (distractions) and just focus on yourself and what's best for you.

  • if she really did love you then she would try to be your friend.

    and it depends on how much your hurting to how much she's hurting.

    and if she isn't calling you then you try to call her.

    and she probably just pretending to agree with you.


What Guys Said 7

  • Yeah man you're hurting. It sucks when girls make up silly lies at the very end. You're right, if she really loved you, she would be your friend. Actually if she really loved you she wouldn't want to break up with you at all, but she did. And she lied when she did it.

    For that exact reason I always encourage girls who plan on dumping the guy to give an exact statement of reasons for the guys to understand why the relationship fell apart, and what they can do in the future to avoid being dumped again.

    I've only been dumped once myself, she pulled some "we're in two different places in our lives" crap and I told her that she was dumping me and not telling me why. I made her tell me the truth. It hurt, but it helped me understand why it didn't work. I too cut all contact from her.

    It takes 2-3 months to really get over a girl buddy. You're a week in, and it's going to get harder before it gets easier.

  • She seems to be a bit immature and expects you to passionately chase after her to get her back. Instead of saying this, she is being sarcastic by snapping at you that you both can't be friends or anything at all.

    If she did not have strong feelings for you, she would have never said anything like that.

  • Why would you cut contact with her if you wanted her to want you back? You're pushing her away from you that's not giving her space.

  • I'm sorry about ur situation I know it must be tough. You are doing the right thing no contact is the best way to tryget her back. Hopefully in time she will reliase she made a mistake and get in contact with you again to work it out. Also though if she doesn't call no contact will be the fastest way you will get over her.

    Good luck buddy.

  • She won't call because you said she couldn't. You are sleeping in the bed you made. I have been there, and it sucks. Honestly, love and friendship have absolutely NOTHING to do with each other.

    • Thanks for answering. Are you saying I should call her? I don't know if I want her, or want to get over her...I would hope that she is as sad as I am...but I suppose she isn't because she dumped me.. :(

    • Yeah call her, show her you're playing mind games. That's really good for your relationship right now. In case you can't tell I'm being sarcastic.

      If you gonna initiate no contact you have to stick to it. Being so needy and desprate will only drive her away even further.

    • Before you call her, you're gonna have to figure out whether you want her back or want her gone. Once you've figured that out, act appropriately. You wonder why she's not contacting you. Well, why aren't you contacting her? It goes both ways.

  • This does blow. I'm in the same spot, that's how I got to this post, but I just can't get her off my mind. She broke up with me one week after we got back from an amazing two week vacation in Florida for spring break. I feel like id never been happier and I knew I wanted to marry this girl. We got back and she left. Worse thing ever. Now I have no clue why she did it honesty but she spewed the same shit as your girl. We hooked up one week later and I thought it was going to get better. We had been together for 2 1/2 years so I was fighting hard. Then she said we needed to cut all contact. The hardest thing is I have talked to her every day for that entire time. We shared all our deepest thoughts and soncerns. It's the same sadness as if my best friend died, (because essentially it has the same effect) with anger sprinkled in.

    I don't want to say it any more then you want to hear it but let's be honest with ourselves. Do you really want to talk to someone who has caused all this pain? Iv come to the decision to say 'fuck her' who cares if she hurts? Personally I hope she feels even half as bad as I do. You with me?

  • She is right, friendship doesn't work when your still in love, cutting all contact is the way to go anything besides that like getting strung along not knowing where you stand is way to painful. I bet she is hurting but she is taking the time to heal herself just like you should be doing.