Recovering from being the crazy ex?

[Anonymous]

It's been about a month since he broke up with me over something hurtful I did. I spent the first chunk of weeks profusely apologizing (letters, emails, two visits, calls) all of which he responded to. Then I called him to address some new things on his end that came up during our closure meeting. We talked for about an hour on the phone and I learned that he dumped me more so because "we are not right for each other" and he "fell out of love months ago." The thing I did just confirmed for him that I am not the one. The conversation was civil, but when I got off the phone I flipped out like crazy. I felt like he had led me on the whole time ... like I spent the better part of the month apologizing for what I did when in actuality there was much more to his feelings about us.

So how did I flip out? Let's just say I called him too many times in one day, I went to his place unannounced to try to get my stuff but he didn't answer so I left w/o making a scene, I left a couple of "screw you" messages, left comments on his fb page telling him to finish removing my pictures, and sent a couple of emails. He's no longer talking to me at this point. This was all last week.

I know, I know. I went nutso. It was childish. That is not to be disputed. What I want to know is what can I do so I am not labeled the "crazy ex"? I've already decided not to contact him again but should I write an apology letter for my behavior? Any suggestions?

Also, assuming he does really love me and would eventually want to get back with me (which I'm 99.9% sure will NOT happen, but I'm just wondering), did I just screw up my chances? Can I bounce back from this by just being on a good behavior this day forward?

[Anonymous]

If I were you, I would give him his space, pick up and move on with your life. I know, it's hard to accept, but you've GOT to do it. You have to show him that you're a strong. Showing him your weakness is only going to spoil him, something a wise woman once taught me.

You want someone who will bring out the best in you. It's not a normal reaction to call him multiple times and show up unannounced. But trust me, I've been there, I'm sure all of us ladies have. I've felt that need to do something you normally wouldn't do to express your hurt, but you have to restrain yourself - it's all about control.

In my experiences, when a girl flips out like that and isn't pregnant the chances are slim that the guy will take her back - or the relationship simply won't last.

You CAN bounce back from this. You just need to avert your focus from him to YOU. Focus on school, work, art, music, whatever floats your boat! In the long run, you'll be much happier that you let go of this than if you were to continue to pursue him.

And who knows, maybe he'll see the new confident you and like what he sees? And if not, you'll be strong enough to move on. :) Hope this helped. Best wishes.

[enlightenment]

pretty hard bounce back, because you just double justified his actions. But I think as a human being you should give him his space at the moment...then once you truly feel sorry and ready, then tell him you know you were wrong and I'm sorry for flipping out. But give it time, and I'm sorry, but I'm not sure there is anyway to avoid that label now.

[BattleKitten77]

Get some help. Mental help. No he doesn't love you. Leave the man alone and stop abusing people then you may restore your rep. But calling or more letters is getting psycho. The last paragraph was psycho.

[AtomizerJr]

Let's see...

You admit that you did something hurtful to him.

then you flipped out after he was honest with you, left a bunch of screw you messages...

If I were in his shoes, your response would have confirmed the reasons I fell out of live with you.

[Asker]

Is there any bouncing back from it?

[AtomizerJr]

Well, _you_ can recover from it, sure.

But it sounds like he's finished. Like I said, if I broke up with a girl and she flipped and left 30 intense messages in one day, I would not take that as an indication that she respected my decisions or boundaries. I wouldn't want her back.

[wanacot]

Drop everything and just walk away. Don't try to contact him, don't try to see him, don't try to do anything. Just leave him alone and move on with your life.

[pokygrl]

On one hand I can see why you went crazy for a little while. Women who feel used and hurt tend to do crazy things. I would stay away. Don't try write, talk, or email him.Maybe one day if you bump into to him say you are sorry. He already drove you crazy once. Don't give him anymore chances to do it again. You already know what you did wrong. If you need closure say you are sorry to your self for letting someone drive you to that point.