You opinion of why an Ex would delay giving your stuff back?

[Anonymous]

In your opinion why do you think an ex wouldn't bring your stuff when they said they will?
Does it depend on situation? What is your experience?

My ex broke up with me. He broke my trust and said I was too nice and he couldn't be bothered and didn't know how to fix it. He didn't really want to break up with me he wasn't 100% sure. He could see how hurt I was and just ended it.

He said he would bag my stuff up and contact me in a few days for me to have it. True to his word he text and said he would drop it the following morning. He didn't. After 2 days I asked if he had in case it was on the doorstep and had been stolen or mistaken for rubbish. Nope. He said he would bring it one morning the following week. He hasn't. I haven't bothered asking again. Besides asking last week if he did drop the things I haven't contacted him even once. It's been over 2 weeks since we broke up. He did this last year, then brung my stuff to me and wnated to talk. I didn't want to. Then 2 weeks later he 'found' more stuff and bought it. Then a week later 'found' something else and bought it. Sunsequently then we had a chat about things. Started talking again and ended up getting back together.

A friend says it gives him control over me still (our relationship story is too long to tell)
I think it is either so he or I have an excuse to intiate contact or actually he doesn't really care much at the moment and letting me have it is of no value to him. ( I would let it go if it were not for an expensive bracelet that my brother got for me)

What is your experience from this situation?

It is an excuse to see you or continue with you

They really don't care, it is not a priority

It is their way of things not being final

It's a way of having control still

Other

[MaskedSanity]

It's an excuse to get in touch with you and to have control.

A friend of mine's ex did that with his stuff. He's diabetic and has this special bracelet he's supposed to wear (you know, in case of emergencies if he's out cold, so doctors know what to administer) and she just came up with billions of excuses why she couldn't meet him to give it back or post it. That slag dragged the thing on for a full year until he put his foot down, demanded she meet him in a public place and give it back or he'll get the law involved.

Bitch returned it next day.

I wouldn't trust anyone to pack my stuff to return it. Things WILL get lost. I would be furious if an ex dragged this on for weeks to give my stuff back.

[Asker]

I do trust him to give me my things back and look after them in the mean time. It does seem unfair to have it under hostage. I feel anxious every morning that I will see him pull up. Anxious when I arrive home that I will see it on the step. I am so desperate to see him and talk to him. Becuase I miss him obviously. But I figure if we arn't going to be together cold turkey is the best thing. But I am also so scraed of never seeing him again. Honestly this is all so hard! I can't start to move on properly, even though it sounds silly. If it was just clothes or something I would have told him to bin it. I'm not angry. Doesn't get me anywhere. But I am not enjoying it that's for sure.

[MaskedSanity]

When I said trust, I meant that he would forget or lose some stuff as people normally do.

I'd do something about it, because this is bullshit. His actions are preventing you from moving on and HE was the dumper, so he's being extremely unfair to you.

If you really want to get him on his toes, call his parents and tell them he dumped you and is now refusing to return your stuff in a timely manner.

[MaskedSanity]

What he's doing is trying to make you "chase" him for your stuff.

It's definitely a control thing. Normally I'd say forger the stuff, but I personally would hunt the bastard down for my things out of sheer principle.

[Asker]

I can't be doing with chasing him around that's for sure. Like I said if it wernt for the srokowski bracelet my brother bought for my birthday then I'd probably forget about it. I'll see what the next few days bring.

[MaskedSanity]

Perhaps you can get your brother to come collect your things? Then he wouldn't be able to drag his bullshit along.

[forgottenmonkey]

In my exs case it was the final chapter in our relation in my opinion, she had no reason not to. But she always had an excuse. I have never thought about it until right now but it was probably what she thought kept me talking.

[bubble_tea]

It is an excuse to see you or continue with you.

[Anonymous]

To have control you and try to hurt you

[Asker]

I wonder. I'm not sure the hurt can go much further so he is silly if that is true. Actually no by dragging this out is it hurting more. Maybe when I finally get it I can have a good cry. I don't have many emotions at the moment.

[Opinion Owner]

Personally, I would take the control away from him. Leave your "stuff", have a good cry , but not for too long though , because he will never appreciate the value of your tears. The hurt will fade if you cut all contact-for good.

[Asker]

do want the srokowski bracelet my brother got me for my birthday though otherwise yes I would levae it :/

[Opinion Owner]

I would leave my crown jewels- if i had some.

[Asker]

Fair enough. I may have no choice.