Boyfriend's ex is pregnant and it's his

[Anonymous]

I've been dating this guy for about a month and we're really into each other. He said he's never been this happy before or had this much fun and he loves being with me.

So, a week into our relationship he dumps this on me. This is his ex that he dated for almost a year (his longest relationship) and the girl he lost his virginity to. So obviously I'm jealous of her. Well he comes out one day and tells me she's pregnant and it's probably his. Of course I promised to stay with him because I wouldn't leave a guy because of that. That's just cruel.

I'm actually getting used to the idea that I'm going to be dating a guy who's a father. The thing is the girl doesn't want me involved with the kid just in case our relationship doesn't work. My boyfriend agrees. And he said it in a way that made it sound like he had no confidence in our relationship at all. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.

The kid won't be born for another 6 months or so. If we're still together then do you think he'll have more confidence in our relationship to let me be there for his kid? I love kids and I've always wanted to be a mother. I'm only 19 so step-mother would be great for now! I don't think I'm asking too much. I know the final decision is my boyfriend and his ex's. Please help me to deal with this.

[libralady]

I think you really should think about this before you continue with this guy. Being with someone who has kids is not easy. I am in that situation. And I would think that eventually he will (when the baby is born). . He may want to try and get back together with her for babies sake or he wants to try and rekindle things to be a family type thing. If I was you I think I would walk away! Being in a marriage now that he has kids from previous relationship. He goes to see his kids on teh weekends. I have heard other stories from 2nd wifes and girlfriends that their partners don't want them to attend things because the ex is going to be there. This doesn't change. Even when the kids are over 18. My partners oldest is older than me 32. I don't know just seems like too much for someone your age. You may not see that now. But you could if you stay. They are always going to be in each others lives because they have a CHILD together. And sounds like this guy was on the rebound before you. He has only been separate from her for 2 months. Too many hot guys out there to just pick someone with a lot of baggage. Do you some research on 2nd wifes. And etc. Plus financial as well. So a lot to think about.

[Asker]

He told me that they were actually happier apart than they were together and that she's happier too which is the only thing they agree on. I'm almost positive they aren't getting back together again. The only thing she wants from him is for him to be there for the kid.

[forsakensoul]

My advice? Break up with him. If a guy is asking you to stay with him even though he has another kid yet won't let you NEAR the said kid, something is up. Someone's feeling guilty or maybe still in love with his ex. If he's going to act like a father to his kid, his kid is going to learn at some point that the father isn't with the mother. If he's going to ask you to stay, then he also needs to let you help with the child, if that's what you want.

However, you also have to realize that it's not your kid and what they say goes. If they let you be near the child, it's not yours and you have to remember that.

But it's really suspicious that he doesn't want you near the child.

[LaKeyaB]

If he doesn't agree to you being involved now, chances are you won't be involved 6 months from now. I've been through this and almost always this never works. They end up messing around with each other or getting back together. Save yourself a lot of heartache and headache and leave as swiftly as possible with minimal drama.

The child's mother is still harboring feelings for your guy (trust me...I'm a baby mama LOl) and it is going to be difficult to compete with her. Unless you get married in the next 6 months, which I doubt will happen. You are too young to be in something so fueled with drama. I know you probably can't see it now but, leaving him is the best thing for you. Because when you're 19 YOU is the only thing that's important.

[ynot2009]

break up with him. trust me. I went through the same situation and it is hell! maybe down the line after the baby is born and they haven't got back together and he wants to be with you, then you could consider it. but as for right now, you need to let them figure shit out! I wish I had done this so please take my advice!

[fvmgirl]

I'm currently going through the same thing but he got me and maybe his ex pregnant its hard to deal with when he wants his ex and not me so much. Ugh its hard