What qualifies as cheating?

I'm just curious, what qualifies as cheating. One obvious thing is actual penetration during sex. Well kinda. Because I think some people (mostly guys) can remove the emotional aspect from sex and not think of it as cheating.

But what about a kissing/kissing? What about oral sex? What about deep conversations where you share thoughts and feelings with another person who you are not dating/married to?

  • Kissing
    31% (11)55% (11)40% (22)Vote
  • Oral Sex
    37% (13)15% (3)29% (16)Vote
  • Deep Conversations full of thoughts and feelings not shared with significant other?
    32% (11)30% (6)31% (17)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
5/13/08: Ok, we've heard from the Under 30 Generation. Where is the 30+ Generation? What are your thoughts?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes, in a relationship you should not feel trapped. I don't feel trapped but I would do every so often if I did not have mini snogs every now and then--this means once every year or so. I have been with my bloke 5.5 years and been married one year, and I have kissed two other blokes in that time- one three times on 2 separate occasions and also kissed one girl. the other bloke I mini snogged about three months ago. yes I didn't even mini snog first 4 years. nothing else happened- did I want it to--physically yes- I was attracted to them- emotionally-no. for me this is not cheating- that's too strong a word-- would is say it's wrong-- in some ways yes in some ways no, it's not an ideal world, were not perfect people, things happen, attraction happens, I think though for any relationship to work, a marriage to last the test of time you need to allow for some mad moments- it doesn't mean to throw your dummy out and panic tell you boyfriend/ girlfriend etc, but I do think if your looking for other guys regularly, snogging them regularly or if going any further than mini snogs you should seriously question your relationship.

    • Sorry, but I believe that any guy would consider this cheating. I think that a lot of guys would break up with a girl over this.

    • Yeah, that is considered cheating. If this was given best answer because that is what the question asker did, then he chose it to feel better about his cheating. Relationships are about honesty, trust, and loyalty. You seem to have broken a few of those right there.

What Girls Said 10

  • Have more to say. I have not specified, how much kissing. I don't go out looking for other guys either. I don't call one or two mini snogs with the same bloke cheating, just random fun, but I do call snogging all night with the same bloke cheating, or having a "ten min" snog. I suppose I would call snogging two different blokes, other than partner ,on the same night cheating, also a bit slappy too. I think dipping into the other side every once in a while ok, but not to do more than a snog, don't go looking for it and make sure this person is worth it anyway- have a bit of chemistry. I stop at snogs because I love my husband and I would not go further because I would hate it if he did more than snog randomly to me.

  • For me personally, cheating can be anything from talking to someone about your most intimate thoughts, feelings right up to full sex/affair. It all depends on the individual. Some people may even feel cheated on or feel a cheater even if they so much look at another person in a "wanting" way or have these thoughts come into their heads, to a person other than there boyfriend, girlfriend, wife. husband. For me I have "cheated" on my husband, but never gone further than kissing- and even when I have kissed someone it's only been with someone I really fancy and who is on way or another different, more attractive, more appealing than my current husband, basically I don't /will not kiss anyone. These guy generally only satisfy one need for me and that's all I want them to do or need them to do. They are often a bit "more exciting" "more muscular" " more attractive" and pulling these types of men or when they come on to me- makes me feel alive. I kie to feel attractive. I like to know if communication were to break down btw me and hubby I can still pull. If my husband were to find out, it would not have to be with someone I regret i.e. someone ugly, poorer. Chances are- he kisses other girls too- but I can honestly say I would not mind if he did as long as that's all he did.

  • Whether it's emotional sex, or just getting off, sex with any other person other then your mate, is cheating. I know people in Europe are open to sexual relations with other people, but in America, people are more monogamous :)

    Kissing = cheating. Oral sex is definitely cheating too. It's considered cheating when you any kind of body contact or inflict words that are sexual with someone other then your significant other.

    As for deep conversation, I wouldn't consider that cheating at all, except if the conversation was about how much you wanted to be with that person, or talking about doing something naughty with them, then that's emotional cheating. You can cheat on someone even if it's not physical, if you're having sexual feelings and acting on them (be it with actions, or WORDS) it's cheating because you're not being faithful to your certain someone. It's natural to have feelings for other people here and there, but as long as you don't ACT upon them, you're not cheating.

    • America has its share of open relationships, its just not as widely accepted as it is in Europe.

      So any kind of body contact is cheating? Hugs are cheating?

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    • Ran out of space. Okay, so being in a relationship shouldn't make you feel trapped. Hugging people is absolutely fine. It all depends on your girl's beliefs. Like I said before, watch how she acts. If she kissed another guy in front of you, would you be upset? You have to look at it that way and see what would upset you & in turn treat her that way. No way would a hug make you jealous right? Or a kiss on the cheek. Maybe a kiss on the lips

      Don't over analyze it, just know the boundaries:)

    • I have to agree with this.

  • In response to your update ---> Cheating is cheating no matter what age.

    • Actually, if you haven't guessed from the numbers above, cheating, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. Or in this case, in the eyes of the parties involved. You can't apply one overall cheating definition to everyone. Each generation grew up in different circumstances, my experiences and beliefs are different than yours.

      So in regards to your statement, I must respectfully disagree.

    • If you believe that cheating is 'in the eyes of the beholder' , then what possessed you to ask this question in the first place?? You want other peoples opinions. I think you know in your heart what is right and what is wrong and are just looking for an excuse to justify your stupidity.

  • all 3 are kinda cheating in a way. well def the first 2! I don't think anyone should have the right to cheat just because they - "can remove the emotional aspect from sex and not think of it as cheating. " that's pathetic. I know that some people can do this, well actually a lot of people but that doesn't mean and doesn't justify cheating on someone you love. as for the 3rd, well I wouldn't classify it as cheating per say, as people talk, everybody talks to eachother, ur best friend doesn't have to be ur partner. its prob best if they arnt actually. I think its good to speak deeply to someone else other than ur partner.

  • Physicality in the sexual sense and exchanged inappropriate conversation is cheating.

  • Ok if ur kissing, having sex,oral sex, anything physical with a girl besides playing around is cheating to me, talking and having deep conversations isn't cheating.

  • First of all Real men don't know how to separate feelings from sex because they aren't hoes. You can tell if a man just wants to hit it or not. I slept with a guy I was talking to and he was a ex boyfriend from like 8 years ago and the attraction was still there. I didn't consider him my man but I loved him. We were in a long distance relationship. He called me the next day after flying home and told me how much he loved me and how I was his girlfriend and he was happy. We end up going out for a while until I acted immature. That proves men real men don't remove feelings. And kissing,oral,penetration,fingering,hand job,and yes even deep emotional convos with someone that isn't your other half is cheating and can end a great relationship for good. Remember truthfully there is no such thing is unconditional love people have conditions. The only ones who have no conditions are your parents and God.

    • So, what you're saying is that one man, the guy you dated once, broke up with, then hooked back up with on occasion, is the ideal that real men should be compared against?

      Plus this wasn't a question regarding unconditional love.

    • No I am just saying that all is consider cheating. Also the emotions out of sex is not fully possible unless a man is a type that sleeps around.

    • Okay, so what I got from what you are saying is that a real man is someone who doesn't know how to separate his feelings from sex because a real man hasn't had his fair share because he's not a hoe. however the guy you are proving to be a real man is someone who like you said can't separate his feelings from sex, but then saying he was in it just for the sex which contradicts what you are saying, a real man doesn't sleep around, but the man you compared a real man to was sleeping around.

  • Kissing another girl/boy while your in a relationship is cheating. As for sex and oral sex it is cheating also. But like having a conversations, no. But this is what I think. Different people think different things.

    • Thank you for your insight, especially the part about different people think different things.

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    • I respect your opinion!! So what you are saying is if your boyfriend was talking to another girl, telling her how he likes her, that he thinks she's very attractive, and if he wasn't already in a relationship he would definitely be with her. Talk to her intimately as if she was his girlfriend. not cheating?

    • I wrote this answer a while ago and I think my answer has changed. Johnny has a very good point. I think that we make excuses for the people we love even though we know they did us wrong. Converstation isn't cheating but I think there's a limit to what's ok. But different people have different ideas about what cheating. I think you should talk with your partner about it and decide what's the right answer for you guys.

What Guys Said 3

  • This is what cheating is having sex with another girl while in a relationship, giving or receiving oral sex from another person who's not your girlfriend, and even kissing another person who's not your girlfriend. To sum it up sex, oral sex, and kissing are all forms of cheating.

  • All 3 answers of your poll is cheating so what is the different. But I think C is the worst. Because there is emotion involved.

  • All of that would be considered cheating, if you think about it then its adultery, but that is cheating