Ex-Girlfriend Reappears After A Year?

[Anonymous]

I was in a relationship with my Ex-Girlfriend for 2 years. The relationship overall was pretty good & solid. During the last couple of months in the relationship I noticed her showing less and less interest to talk o me.

Eventually one day she broke up with me and to my surprise she was going out with another guy within 3 weeks into our breakup. In short I wished her well and exited her life completely.

A year later I get an E-Mail from her wanting to catch up with me. I find out through a third source that her relationship with the other dude didn't work out and she wrote me the Mail directly a day or two into her recent breakup.

I asked her upfront that what does she want? To which she said she just wanted to see how I am nothing more and I didn't reply to this message.

Now within 2 weeks she's going out with someone else again. What was the point of getting in touch with me?

Can she really be in love already? Or both of these guys have been rebounds after me? I've a feeling I might hear from her again.

But what do you guys think was the reason she contacted me and can she be in love with this other dude already?

[Esplorare]

Most likely, she's trying to relieve her guilt. She knows that she wronged you. She realizes that she betrayed you, sh*tted all over you, and thoroughly stabbed you in the back. Guilt probably eats away at her conscious and makes her feel like a rotten human being. So she's reaching out, hoping you'll be all friendly, warm, and cool with her so that was she can sleep well at night in her new guy's arms.

Don't worry about what those guys are to her. She left you then immediately went to someone else which actually suggests they may have been in her life while you were still together. She may have cheated emotionally. You don't just leave a long-term relationship then instantly have someone less than a week later -_- You prep by flirting, being charming, and starting a romance so that there's someone else to replace the ex. I mean I don't do that but I know there are some people who do. Anyway, stop being vulnerable. She's a snake. She can't be trusted and it's majorly selfish for her to even be contacting you.

[Asker]

Doesn't this sorta add more to the guilt that I asked her what does she want and she said "nothing, not trying to achieve anything, just kinda wanted to see how you are that's all" and I go all quiet and again she shits on me... thoroughly... and makes another boyfriend within a week?

I personally don't know what to make of any of this! It must have been really worth to do what she is has been doing that she still feels guilty even after a year.

There is still a voice in my head that's saying she might reach out to me if her current fling doesn't go as planned and then she would put more effort in her breadcrumbs, but meh.

[Esplorare]

@Asker No. You even simply replying brings relief to her. You even responding to her messages can make her sigh in relief and think "Well at least he doesn't completely hate me otherwise he wouldn't even have replied." If she really cared all that much about your wellbeing and how you are then she wouldn't have done what she did in the first place.

Of course she still feels guilty. People can feel guilty for YEARS if they don't get "closer" or someone's blessing. She probably cheated on you. Those guys didn't just appear out of thin air smdh.

Ignore her azz. She's a snake and she's toying with your emotions to assuage her guilt. It's fuqued up.

[Asker]

If that's the case, the chances are highly likely that she would reach out to me again when the honeymoon period of the new relationship is over and things get normal in her life again.

[Esplorare]

@Asker You seem to be really interested in her new relationship?

[Asker]

I am not interested in a sense you are thinking.

Although I am interested in knowing how she's operating, I myself would be full of shame to do something like this and definitely wouldn't reach out to with the shame and guilt, but she did it anyway, I gave her a chance to come clean, she didn't and off she has another boyfriend (again), I wonder how is she going to return for reconciliation after this "if" this is what she's after, but if I would agree of that, it's a whole different story.

[Anonymous]

She contacted you because he was searching for a distraction from her recent break up. Nothing more. Since you ignored her message, she found someone else. Had she realized she made a mistake breaking up with you a year ago, she would have made it clear.
She is immature... and should stay single for a (long) while to figure herself out.
Keep ignoring her!

[Asker]

Based on what you have written and let's assume that it's true, it feels like a REBOUND, which sort of makes me think that the guy she was in a relationship after me was a Rebound as well since she immediately was in a relationship with him after a breakup?

I know that trying to figure out doesn't matter at this point, but some part of me still wants to know :)

[Opinion Owner]

You said your relationship was "overall pretty good and solid"... so why did she break up with you? Why all of a sudden she showed less and less interest in talking to you? The fact that shortly after the break up she was already with someone else suggests me that probably she emotionally cheated on you... He was not a rebound, he was the cause of your break up. Now after a year, she breaks up with him, and contacts you just to see how you are doing? She is USING you to get over her recent break up. Same for the new guy - she is using both of you. Sorry to be so blunt... 😔 Of course these are just suppositions, as it's impossible to know what's going on in someone else's mind. But I've seen people behaving like this before... selfish individuals that hop from a relationship to another, caring ZERO about the consequences of their actions on those that genuinely love them. Just like you... you are clearly not over her.

[Opinion Owner]

I think I know how you feel and why you are trying to figure things out (I'm going through something similar myself). But you should really try to turn page... who cares what she does, what she thinks, who she sees. She is not worth ANY second of your life!

[Asker]

I am aware that I'm not completely over her, which in a retrospect also shows that how genuine my love for her was. But I've made great strides this past year without her.

I just need to keep going forward and eventually through good advice and great support, I'll close this one for good, the loss in the end is hers not mine. I'll move on at some point but what she has done would follow her through a lifetime.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm sure you genuinely loved her, that's why it's not easy for you to move on... Yes, it's her loss. And yes, as some point she will realize what she has done and it will haunt her! She probably will get in touch with you again, out of guilt this time: ignore her. What goes around comes around - be sure of this!

[Stacyzee]

I wouldn't answer her anymore.
Allowing yourself to be available for someone who clearly doesn't care for you in my book is rather pointless.

"What was the point of getting in touch with me?"
You crossed her mind. Probably a little part of her, wanted to know if you ever got over her. She's probably the type of girl to want to feel like someones priority even when they aren't hers.

I don't think she's in love. Matter a fact, I don't even think she knows what it is. She has a lot of growing up to do.

A person can only be considered a "rebound" when the persons heart is with their past lover. Since your heart was never with her (based on her actions), they can't be considered rebounds.
I wouldn't be surprised if she was flirting with the 1st guy during your relationship and then when her feelings developed she ended things with you.

[Asker]

"You crossed her mind. Probably a little part of her, wanted to know if you ever got over her" I would have agreed with this if I didn't knew that wrote me a message 2 days into her recent breakup.

All in all she has found someone new again and is with him for 2 months, which kind of felt like instead of coming back to me, she would rather be Mr. Y and Mr. Z first.

"If" she comes back, I wonder what face is she going to come back for reconciliation.

[Stacyzee]

There's not always a clear reason as to why someone does the actions they do.

It's clear to see she doesn't care for you and just wants to see how much power she has over you. She wanted to see if u left yourself available for her to come back to or not.
She seems like she wants to feel like someones center. This is what she feeds off of.

[Asker]

Seems like if this is the case, the only way she would come down to reality is when I'm with some other girl girl and she sees the ship sailing off for good. Meh this girl had her chance and a year later she's still treating me like garbage, time to close this one for good.

[Stacyzee]

I agree. You deserve far better.

[LightsOff]

She seems like the type of person who can't handle being single/alone because she's scared of feeling lonely. I doubt she's in love with this other guy because that usually takes time. But why would that even matter to you? She's honestly kind of a loser, it really sounds like she's using guys just because she's scared of being single.

You should stop thinking about her and wondering why she does this, how she feels about that etc. She's not worth the time.

[Asker]

I find it odd because she left me to have a relationship with the other guy, it didn't work out, she contacted me, I didn't respond and she finds another one asap.

If she's afraid of being single / alone then what was the point of breaking up with me, especially after 2 years together.

Also I find it odd that her friends are posting pictures of her new fling on their Facebook page saying "so cute", I mean c'mob she literally came out of a relationship (again).

[LightsOff]

- she ended the relationship with you because she lost feelings for you or something.

- after breaking up with you she realized how scary she thinks it is to be single

- but at the same time she wants to be happy in her relationships so she keeps jumping from one to the other, to find a nice guy and at the same time not worry about being single

- her friends are posting pics and saying stuff like that either because they're dumb as fuck, or because they're fake and just want her to feel better about herself despite knowing that what she's doing is kinda crazy.

Like I said though this girl is clearly not worth the time and you're only torturing yourself by thinking about all of this and her. She has issues and you should move on. Don't let her affect you like this.

[Asker]

To be honest, you actually nailed every single point

- she did say that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore and crazily also said, why don't you remain friends with me, who knows my feelings might come back in the future.

- she also mentioned weeks into the breakup, she feels so sad and lost despite of it being her idea to breakup with me but still insisted that it was the right thing to do.

- I came to find out directly through her brother, that her other friends disapprove the way she and other friend (who pasted the picture of her and her new fling) are acting towards boys and they don't hang out much with them anymore.

The part which I fail to understand is, why communicate with me after a year of absence. Even during the breakup she said, your perfect, don't change yourself for anyone blah blah and within weeks was with a total a-hole :s and now she's dating someone "nice" i think, which kinda makes me wonder, where do I fit in all of this :/

[LightsOff]

She wanted to talk to you again because she had nobody else. But then she found this other guy.

[Asker]

So she just wanted me to feed her ego for a while, while she invests her time in finding someone better and then dumps me again?

She find another guy after finishing another relationship, man that is just wrong and are the guys she's with dumb? This chick just out of a relationship and within weeks she's with you.

[Asker]

She found this other guy rather quickly wouldn't you agree lol

[LightsOff]

Yes. But you really really need to stop thinking about her so much, asking yourself these questions and dwelling on why she did what she did. She has issues and is seriously not worth all these thoughts. Let it go.

[melodybluesy]

Girls move on mentally about 6 months before moving on physically. You missed an opportunity to fix the relationship during that time frame. So yes it's possible she fell for another already.

[Asker]

What was there to fix when she was already saying "you are the best, you did nothing wrong, I don't feel the same way anymore, don't let anyone change you" etc

You only fix things through communicating, it's not fixing when you line someone else up and go for them.

Second her relationship after me did not work out, she lined another one up and is dating him immediately... does this tell you that I needed to "fix" something in the relationship? Gheez lol

[objob94]

Sounds desperate and wants some male attention

[Asker]

Well yes, getting attention from the opposite gender is a good thing..."for a while". But I find myself asking this, the guys she's with, obviously knew that she was in a relationship before and within weeks they take her under their wing like it's no big deal and the way she seems to be get into relationships makes me question her character as well.

I don't know but either she's too dump to realise what she's doing and her friends are super dumb by giving her the push in it or these guys that are with her are pure idiots and not know that it's a gamble being with the girl who just freshly came out of a relationship and hasn't spend anytime alone.

Feels like she has surrounded herself with likeminded idiots if you ask me.

[objob94]

Girls are always too easily influenced by their friends, that's the problem. Often, girls who give advice wouldn't actually do it if they were in their friend's position.

Take this example. I have a friend who's been doing friends with benefits with a guy for 2 YEARS. With pressure, he now wants a relationship, she wanted one the whole time they were doing it. A guy should WANT to be with you. Either 2 options, he either feels bad, so he's 'giving it a go' or he just likes her sex and this is an easy way of keeping her penned in.

I have a strong suspicion that her deluded female friends have said deep down that he cares about her. Sorry, but it was sex. You don't phuck for two years before you say 'actually, I want to be seen in broad daylight with you now'.