:( Has anyone had any experience with a binge drinker?
I recently got back together with my ex girlfriend. Everything was going great for like two weeks and then last night happened. We went out to a party with her one set of friends. It was a birthday party and was more like a family gathering. Everyone had a few drinks. My, now girlfriend, started out slow but then eventually continued to drink more and more.
When the party ended everyone left the restaurant. My girl wanted to hang around at the bar longer so we ended up staying. At this point she didn't seem to bad. Then we started talking to two guys and she started drinking more. She then texted her other set of friends and then she wanted to go meet with them at another bar.
I really hadn't noticed the binge drinking problem yet and I had had a few drinks myself so I decided ok lets go.
When we got to the other bar again everything was fine but she continued to drink. I was just hanging out having a good time. She was talking to her friends. I noticed her having crazy emotions about a guy we just met. She got jealous of a girl who walked up next to him. Again I was confused but didn't think much of it.
As the night went on I was talking to the two guys we met earlier. I then looked across the bar and saw my girlfriend sitting in a stool and one of her guy friends behind her. He had is hand on his waist and looked like he was talking in her ear.
I let it go thinking he might just be putting his hand on for a second and then remove it. But I continue to watch and his hand stayed there for a few minutes. I finally went over to the guy and confronted him. He got pissed of and tried to start a fight with me.
It got broken up before anything serious happened.
I left the bar and my drunken girlfriend chased after me. At this point she was a complete mess. She was crying asking me what she did wrong. I explained that she had another guy all up on her and she did nothing to prevent it. She told me the guy was a friend of hers from high school and she didn't notice.
I told her I didn't care who it was she was disrespecting me and disrespecting herself. I told her I didn't think she was the girl for me. She fell to the ground and hurt herself. I helped her up. She lost/broke her brand new cell phone.
I decided to walk back to my car which was at her house more then a few blocks away. She followed me and left her car with the lights on and the door wide open.
I finally made it to my car and she was telling me she loved me. I locked myself in the car and told her to go get her mother so she could go back and get her car. She wouldn't listen to me so I finally got out of the car and went up to her house. It was close to 2 -230 am and I rang the door bell. She was yelling at me telling me her mother was going to flip out.
Her mother came downstairs and I explained that she needed to get the car. I then left and went home.
I recently got back together with my ex girlfriend. Everything was going great for like two weeks and then last night happened. We went out to a party with her one set of friends. It was a birthday party and was more like a family gathering. Everyone had a few drinks. My, now girlfriend, started out slow but then eventually continued to drink more and more.
When the party ended everyone left the restaurant. My girl wanted to hang around at the bar longer so we ended up staying. At this point she didn't seem to bad. Then we started talking to two guys and she started drinking more. She then texted her other set of friends and then she wanted to go meet with them at another bar.
I really hadn't noticed the binge drinking problem yet and I had had a few drinks myself so I decided ok lets go.
When we got to the other bar again everything was fine but she continued to drink. I was just hanging out having a good time. She was talking to her friends. I noticed her having crazy emotions about a guy we just met. She got jealous of a girl who walked up next to him. Again I was confused but didn't think much of it.
As the night went on I was talking to the two guys we met earlier. I then looked across the bar and saw my girlfriend sitting in a stool and one of her guy friends behind her. He had is hand on his waist and looked like he was talking in her ear.
I let it go thinking he might just be putting his hand on for a second and then remove it. But I continue to watch and his hand stayed there for a few minutes. I finally went over to the guy and confronted him. He got pissed of and tried to start a fight with me.
It got broken up before anything serious happened.
I left the bar and my drunken girlfriend chased after me. At this point she was a complete mess. She was crying asking me what she did wrong. I explained that she had another guy all up on her and she did nothing to prevent it. She told me the guy was a friend of hers from high school and she didn't notice.
I told her I didn't care who it was she was disrespecting me and disrespecting herself. I told her I didn't think she was the girl for me. She fell to the ground and hurt herself. I helped her up. She lost/broke her brand new cell phone.
I decided to walk back to my car which was at her house more then a few blocks away. She followed me and left her car with the lights on and the door wide open.
I finally made it to my car and she was telling me she loved me. I locked myself in the car and told her to go get her mother so she could go back and get her car. She wouldn't listen to me so I finally got out of the car and went up to her house. It was close to 2 -230 am and I rang the door bell. She was yelling at me telling me her mother was going to flip out.
Her mother came downstairs and I explained that she needed to get the car. I then left and went home.
Updates
+1 y
When I was talking to her mother my girl was screaming about how her mother was taking my side. She was calling me a liar and saying I wasn't explaining the entire situation. I only explained that the car was at the bar and needed to be picked up.
Updates
+1 y
I didn't think it was necessary to explain the entire situation to her mother. I do care for the girl. But I know now that I can't trust her when she goes out. I don't know what to do. I want her to be ok. I want to get her help. I feel horrible :(
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
NotSoBad, She could of got in her car and wrecked it, but you didn't let that happen. But Help is only good if she is willing to help herself. She may see the drinking as "all in good fun" but you might have to sit her down and ask her in all of the drinking, when is the fun lost and where do the problems begin?
And to explain the whole situation to her mother in the middle of the night would probably take a long time, and her mother probably had other things to do in the morning when she woke up. And you probably did, too.
When your girlfriend binge drinks she seems like she has very little common courtesy for the people around her. If this guy was just a high school friend than what reasons would he have to pick a fight with you over your girlfriend. Unless he's just a tough guy, or he wants to get with her.
And her "screaming about how her mother was taking your side" is telling me that she could really use an "out of the box" perspective because if you socially drink, then you shouldn't be causing social problems. You should be enjoying the social atmosphere. This apparently didn't happen. And not because you drank too much.
Now to deal with this: Do you want to keep her as your girlfriend and help her or be her friend and help her; also she has to change for herself and not for something like a relationship because say you two break up and then she goes back to binge drinking because she quit for you,and now you aren't around, what's she going to do but go back to what's familiar; the drinking.
And I know you have an excellent sense of right and wrong, but also you have to worry about what is going to make you happy, too.
But I would also see where she is coming from, like, how she would feel if the "shoe was on the other foot" and go from there. Then you might notice if she sees her binge drinking as "all in good fun" or as a problem.
And if she wants help, then you got to give her the support that she needs, and some suggestions along the way to keep her away from binge drinking.
Thank you. I'm happy you pointed out the fact that if she does want to change she needs to do it for herself. Since this has happened she has been telling me how sorry she is and that she will do anything to keep me. She says she will stop drinking and that she doesn't even like it. That is where I see the problem. She doesn't like to drink, but if 1 drink enters her body well then another follows, and another. And another until she is lost.
If she is an alcoholic, which I suspect she is, then nothing you can do there. She has to accept it herself first and want to get help. You cannot help an addict unless they recognize that they are addicts and want help.
I broke off my 4 year relationship last november. My boyfriend was an occasional pot smoker, or so I thought, while I don't agree with it I let it go because he would only smoke a joint every now and then so I thought it wasn't that big of a deal. I moved in with him after having being together for over 3 years and I started finding out things that he had kept from me. I found es, I confronted him about those and he said he only did a couple whenever he went night clubbing with his mates. At that point I wasn't sure what to make of it so I didn't do anything about it. He said he would stop doing that if I felt uncomfortable but I told him not to do it for me, I told him. You stop whenever you want and you make sure it's because you want to, not because I think it's wrong. We left it at that.
2 months later we were at a party and I was hanging out outside with all the girlfriends of his mates, and they were all inside, I stepped in to use the bathroom and he is doing a line of coke. I left the party. He said then he only did the odd line whenever he was offered which wasn't that often because he only saw his mate James every 6 months, and I thought. Ok, this is quickly becoming too much for me but then again I loved him so I talked to him and we sort of came to an arrangement. Again, time passed, and one day I felt a bit sick at work so I went home earlier than usual. I walk into my home that I shared with my boyfriend and I see all this people at myyyyyyy home shooting heroine, including my boyfriend. That was it, I left him. He did not want to admit he is an addict and he did not want any type of help, so nothing I could do about it. I have a life of my own and I refuse to stand there and watch him spiral down and destroy his life. He wants to destroy his life? Fine, but he won't destroy mine. Surely you'll think I must have been stupid not to notice all of this on those 3 years prior to moving in with him, but he was that smart, he knew how to hide it quite well. In fact, he always shoot heroine in between his toes so you would have never found a suspicious mark on him.
Moral of the story: She is clearly struggling with alcohol and if she doesn't see it for what it is and seeks help, she is going to drag you down with her.
Unless she's like this all the time, I really don't see what the big deal is. I mean yeah, she f***ed up, but everyone f***s up a bit when they're drinking. One incident really doesn't indicate a problem Hmm. Do you drink?
No this hasn't been the only time. Her drinking is one of the reasons we broke up the first time around. At that time it didn't occur to me that she was a binge drinker, but after looking up the definition of a binge drinker, I believe she is one.
Yes I do drink but I know when to say when.