How Can You Avoid Getting Your Hopes Up When Your Ex Asks To Be Friends?

[me282_uk]

So they've broken up with you for some reason but they still want to be friends and meet up to do things together.

You could have broken up for a number of reasons but they must still like you and care for you if they still want you in their lives.

Every person is going to hope that this friendship could possibly lead to you rekindling the spark between you and getting back together.

How can you control these hopes, particularly if they're eager to organise activities that you used to do together and have a great time doing?

If the friendship does start to take off and you're laughing and joking like you used to, how can you distance yourself so you don't get hurt, but at the same time remind them of what you used to have and could have again?

(Assuming they are being genuine, and they are actually interested in staying connected and not feeling guilty or just holding onto till the next person shows up)

[little_bird1]

It's an interesting question indeed. I stayed friends with 2 of my exes. And a very close friends. I don't know how I got over them while still having them in my daily life, but I did somehow. It was really hard with the first one, though. He broke up with me but we still stay friends and were seeing each other every day. Nothing physical, just friendly. I think that in my head we never really broke up, it didn't feel like that. Although I was young and I didn't knew shit about sex (he was my first) so I could easily control the urge. Us hanging out almost every day went on for like 2 years. He had new girlfriends, but he always liked me the most, I was always still his priority. He was never really serious when it comes to relationships but he was serious about our friendship. The only thing that his girlfriends had that I didn't was his penis. Seeing it as a third person I realized he was a terrible boyfriend and then "moving on" came naturally. Then when I got into a new serious relationship, all feelings for him were completely gone. 7 years ahead we are still friends and he is still a terrible boyfriend. :D But he is a good friend. The similar happened with my second ex. I think it's all about timing and how mature we are. I am now way more mature and I love way more seriously and deeply, so I couldn't stay friends with any of my exes later on. I tried but it always leads to hope of rekindling. I now have way more self respect and experience to know that staying friends with an ex won't get them back or to change. I burned myself twice, and even though it turned out good, I don't want to be the dumpee who will stay around. I could, and I could probably eventually look at them as friends, but I'm not gonna do it, it's just not worth the effort and time and awkward feelings.

[hopefulandwaiting]

I am on both ends... hanging out once again with an ex. The trick is not to get your hopes up, expect the possibility of it not working out again, and moving on to see if someone else comes along. Work on yourself in the process and become a better you. I know that may sound selfish or just bad... but the new relationship you will have will still be defined just as friends. Don't forget the reason you two are not together in the first place. I know for me these reasons are so strong that even if we did get back together it would be for a temporary amount of time. It's awkward but if in the end it will hurt you (assuming you don't end up together) it may actually be better to distance yourself from time to time as to not become to clingy on this idea. I am saying this mainly because it seems like your hopes are already high; if they were not then you could hangout all you want. I just think it's unhealthy at this time for you to. There is a slight possibility of you getting back together but... protect yourself first! Until it actually happens, stay calm and move forward.

[YatoNoragami]

Adding: And if you do get back together be really clear about your intentions. Don't just take her back like it never happened. Make damn sure that she's serious this time! If you get even a HINT of insincerity, your best bet is to not be exclusive. Hang out, kiss, laugh and do whatever, buuuut DON'T COMMIT until she does. The best part is that the ball will be in your court after that.

Sure, we all know what you want and believe me, so does she. Sadly, some people have a difficult time being content with someone even when the love them. Sometimes just by asserting a bit of self respect, they won't feel so tempted to take chance of losing the other person out of fear of losing them. I'm not saying you should try to scare her as it has a chance of backfiring. I'm simply saying that in order for her to value you appropriately, you need to appropriately value yourself.

[Anonymous]

It's really stupid when people immediately go back to being "friends" right after breaking up. It's 100% possible to be legitimate friends after time has passed and NEITHER person has any sort of feelings for the other anymore, but right after the breakup? No.

Both people can't immediately go back to having a totally non-romantic relationship with each other without one person having a glimmer of hope that they'll get back together. Which is NOT friendship (or at least, it's a one-sided friendship).

People! Stop being in denial. Give yourself enough time to totally get over the other person. To the point where you could see them making out with the hottest person in the world and you wouldn't feel a thing. THAT's the point at which you two can become friends.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

Don't let your ex run shit. Don't jump up and come running just because they show you some attention. They broke up with you so what do they want from you now? More than likely she's on the outs with guy she left you for and she needs you as a security blanket temporarily.

[OlderAndWiser]

This is a really, really bad, horribly bad, just plain stupid idea. You will get hurt and have only yourself to blame. You can't go backwards in relationships; that simply is not a part of human nature for the vast majority of us. Don't do it. Not only will you get hurt but you will never move forward with your life as long as you are waiting to rekindle what isn't going to get rekindled. And if, by chance, it does get rekindled, it will burn out the second time much quicker than the first time.

[jman46241]

In my experiences being friends after and even getting back together has ended. It could be different for you though..