How long to get over a breakup?

So about a month and a half ago, my 1st girlfriend ever broke up with me saying that it was her not me kinda answer, now obviously i was devasted but i committed to her decision and tried my absolute best not to breakdown (privately). So fast forward to now and im still hurting, i am still committed to her decision as she hasn't even tried even talking to me even once ( i dont really expect her to) but i have tried some casual small talk from time to time just to show that i still care. But i want to move on so badly.. i dont want to care about someone who doesn't care about me, you know.. Like it hurts a lot and sometimes i dont even understand myself and why i have these feelings. I just need advise on how to get over her cause right now i think i just miss the idea of her.

Please don't just say "just get over her"as its not that simple as that as i am trying my best.
Anything would help
Thank you


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Most Helpful Girl

  • when my first boyfriend broke up with me, i was devastated too.

    it was a james dean relationship that died too young and beautiful. and yes, he cheated on me (with my roommate, no less), but what really bothered me was that i had trusted him.

    combined with residual abandonment issues from my parents' divorce (i was 8, old enough to know what was happening but not the "why"), i always shied away from relationships because i just assumed that the other person would leave, so actually letting someone through was big for me... and the betrayal was monumental.

    after that, i decided that i would never let someone close enough to hurt me. over the next 10 years, i had relationships, but i was never fully open with anyone, ever again~ when i met my boyfriend now, he didn't push me to be open with him; he simply said that he understood and that he was there if i needed someone, that he would work to earn my trust. and, over time, he has.

    you'll never forget your first love, and the pain of losing that person. so let it hurt~ cry it out; grief doesn't have a timeline.

    in the meantime, surround yourself with good friends and things that make you happy~ play a sport, ride, your bike, listen to music... and, if you need to talk to someone, do it.

    love & light always :)

    -von

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's not a matter of time, but a mental thing. What you do to accelerate the process is find things you love that gets you excited.

    It doesn't have to be another girlfriend (that kind of rebound strategy when you're still not over someone can actually make it worse and open up the wounds all over again).

    It's kind of girly but you might even get a "makeover", kind of shop for new clothes. It might kind of give you a new level of confidence, make you walk taller, instead of slumping and moping about all day. It helps if you can feel like a new person, kind of reborn, if it's a really bad heartbreak.

    You might do things you always wanted to try, hit the gym, develop a new hobby, etc.

    You'll be healed when you're alone in a room somewhere and not just obsessing about her, but excited to do something else later that day/week/month/year.

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What Girls Said 3

  • It isn't a case of getting over it, it's a case of getting through it. You can't just shut off your feelings for someone who you love so much. That would be like trying to love someone you hate. You just can't!

    This is a cliché, but try to keep busy and active , maybe try something new. Keep your mind focused on things other than her, because it isn't time which heals a broken heart... it is what you do with your time which heals it.

    You will only be able to move on when you are ready to do so, just be patient with yourself. It is so easy to fall in love, but not that easy to fall out of love or forget someone. Gradually your feelings will fade, but sometimes you just have to be strong, because being strong is the only choice you have.

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  • You came heal a broken heart, you just learn to live with one. Slowly you forget things about your ex. Or you won't. Tomorrow will be better than today. Your never going back there. Next week will be better than last week. Your never going back there.

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  • It can take some time.. Everyone is different! However, there are 5 stages of grievence if you loved this person! Not all people go through all 5! But it's going to take some time

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What Guys Said 8

  • I wrote a myTake on how to handle a break up and I think it has some practical advice. (It does NOT say to just forget about her! That is insanely stupid advice.

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a11176-a-practical-guide-for-how-to-get-over-your-breakup-how-to-get-on

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  • I am sorry to hear this, I know how much it hurts. The best thing is to keep yourself busy and let time do it's thing. You are right in saying that trying to force feelings away isn't such a good idea. Last thing; if you are seriously struggling still after 3 or 4 months and it is affecting your life/work/grades/health then might be an idea to see a doctor...

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  • If you can stay away from them and the idea of them for 37 days 100% you'll babel to live with out feeling the need for them , doesn't guarantee you won't still love them tho. Same method works with changing any human habitat. Good Luck !

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  • I have a theory that it takes 10 fucks with 10 separate women to get over someone.

    That's how many it was in my case anyway.

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  • Depends on how invested you are and how many time you've dealt with break up before.

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    • well she was my first girlfriend and so i was pretty invested in her, she was also my first real break up. So things right now kinda come in waves for instance there will be days where i'm fine and there are other days where i do miss her a lot.

    • Just do whatever it takes to keep your mind off her. Meet new people via going to the gym, trying out new sports or activities and hanging out with your friends as much as possible to help you get over her man. In time you'll eventually move on

  • There will always be a part of you who cares about her. That's how it goes. Accept it.

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  • 1 second if you're a man

    10-20 years if you;re a feminist

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  • I know what you mean, if she gave you something, dont throw it out or burn unless you really want to but throw these all in a box/bin, and seal it, a symbolic way to seal you memories with her away, I had a close friend who rejected me a few months ago, and after I moved on iam able to look at those things again. I like the idea of your contact i did the same but just ignore her it'll make you feel better/

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