How to deal with wife's slutty past in reality, generally many people says past is past and should keep aside and move on?

But in reality its not possible, if the husband who had been waiting and following a culture awaiting with some expectation that one day he too will get life partner who is only made for him and who would give her evrything to him. But when after marraige he finds out she slept with many partners blindly and even had ONS and unprotected sex before marraige, n now after marraige she confesses that she lied of being a virgin n the truth instead of doing it before marraige. So now the husband is suddenly under shock, that whatever he had sacrificed all througout till marraige by abstainence, is all in vain. Now many images strikes in his mind, when people says to get over it even those sentences hurt him a lot, he might also feel that he never got to be someones first whereas his wife enjoyed so many times that feeling, etc. Again along with that, feeling of insecurity, loss of trust, fear of having an encounter with her exes, etc to prevails. So actually how should such a victim be guided and made feel safe? Sry for the length.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hidden_P thinks the husband needs to stop speaking in third person.

    Anyway, Hidden thinks it was silly of the wife to hide something like this from you and is wondering what made her want to tell you. Was it guilt? How long were you together before you were married.

    Has the husband been keeping his virginity for religious reasons or for something else?

    As someone who has had sex before marriage and doesn't agree with waiting until marriage, personally Hidden can't see the issues. How many partners did she have? Hidden thinks that you may be overreacting, after all, I'm sure she wasn't the first person the husband dated so how is it different to bumping into one of the husband exes? Hidden also thinks you need to re-define your definition of the word victim - she didn't stab you, calm down.

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    • Clearly written husband was virgin n abstained himself from sex. General friendship with a girl is differnt thing, n regarding number of partners, it doesn't matter here...5,10 or 1000, same thing, sleeping with 10 , sleeping with 20 , etc as she is no longer a virgin from hr first one itself

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    • Yes... here generally marraige occurs between same religions

    • Thanks for MH!

Most Helpful Guy

  • If this is causing you such heartache, perhaps you need to remind yourself why you got married in the first place.

    Thank being said, I don't know your culture...

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What Girls Said 4

  • It depends on how much of a dealbreaker the husband feels like her lying about such a critical part of the foundation of a good relationship would be. Does he feel like he could, with time, regain trust in her, and come to accept that she'd been with men other than him prior to marriage?

    If not, I think the only way to move past that would unfortunately be to go your separate ways. Trust is not something that can be easily rebuilt, if at all.

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  • the biggest issue to all you mentioned isn't the wife's sexual past, but the fact that she lied to her husband about it in the first place.

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  • I wouldn't be able to get past a slutty past. But I think her dishonesty was the bigger issue.

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  • Then you can get your marriage anulled, if it were on the basis of untruths.

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What Guys Said 3

  • what does it mean to "feel safe" to you? if you figure that out you can maybe find a way, and if it is worth it

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  • I think the past is the past, but her dishonesty is the problem more than anything else.

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  • Just leave her. that's what I would do. Then I would go get myself checked out to make sure I didn't catch anything.

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