My boyfriend speaks another language and I found messages on his facebook.. What should I do?

So I have been dating a guy for 8 months who is from another country. He has been in the US for about a year and a half total. We have exchanged I love you's and spend EVERY night together. He goes home to his country about for work every few months lately. We even have tickets purchased for me to go with him in the summer. Recently he has made me doubt how strong our relationship is. I made the dumb mistake of looking at his facebook. I found several messages between him and girls from back home. One even making fun of me lightly. I used google translate the best I could to understand them but it is mostly him letting them know he will be in town over valentines day. I dont know how to bring it up or if i should wait it out then ask him. I care a lot him and dont want to lose him but I refuse to be made a fool of. He called them beautiful as well. Could they just be friends? Should i dump him and get over it? I wish i could unsee this but I can't now :/

  • wait it out!
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  • let him go!
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Kind of as pointed out, these kinds of automatic translators can be very misleading, especially for certain languages.

    It is complicated when you have these kinds of relationships which go overseas. He might have a very different dynamic there with his friends, childhood, family. It's like a different world, and I think you'll understand it if there comes a time where you join him in entering that world.

    But I think it would take the most incredible jerk to be exchanging "I love yous" all the time and not mean something very strong by it.

    One thing though, just in terms of the health of the relationship. It's not always so good when both people become extremely dependent mutually. Those kinds of relationships can end very badly. Mostly the heat and feelings are so intense there that someone can get burned.

    It might be healthy for one or both of you to seek some independence. I'm speaking only from narrow experience as someone who got burned twice like this, where we went from texting "I love yous" and "I miss yous" all the time to arguing and bickering about stupid things, a roller-coaster ride of the most intense feelings (both negative and positive). At some point that roller-coaster can get derailed.

    There's kind of a balancing act there between saying "I love you" too much and not growing tired of each other. You can almost grow tired of missing each other, as odd as it sounds, or fearful, worried about losing the best thing you have going at the moment, things of this sort. People just tend to act funny when there's so many "I love yous" being thrown around.

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    • Thank you so much for this! I have mentioned having sometime apart or sleeping in separate places and he doesn't see the point in it. However we do have other activites and hobbies outside of our relationship we pursue which gives space.

    • That's a very good thing. Mostly I'd give it some time and maybe you could seek a friend who speaks the language natively if you're suspicious to translate the text. A human translator will tend to be more reliable than an automatic translation.

      But the best way to boost trust is just kind of intimately and affectionately talk to him when you see him instead of being an investigator, probe his mind a bit (but gently). It'll also just boost the health of the relationship.

Most Helpful Girl

  • What country is he from and what did he actually say?

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 8

  • Is he a U. S. citizen? If not, dump him like a load of gravel. A too-often told tale, is of the foreign national who marries an American citizen, and once he attains his own citizenship, waits a year or so then dumps his bride and sends for the woman he's already married to in his homeland. Be extremely suspicious. Find a legit human translator, and have your suspicions verified.

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  • One of the problems of dating someone from another culture is that they have different ideas about what constitutes acceptable behavior in a relationship. He may think that flirting with other girls is fine.

    Obviously, it is not.

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  • You have two issues;

    1. Just learn the language already. I have picked specific girlfriends for the purpose of learning her language (I get to know the bedroom talk words too that way).
    2. You are very insecure. That leads to jealousy, which is a destructive emotion. You either accept him the way he is, female friends and all, or find someone else.

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  • Don't be a fool , talk to him , try to figure out what there relationship is , maybe there long term friends , and if you have any concerns bring them up and the same with any fears / jealousy, if you truly like a guy you'd be willing to be open with them and honest.

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  • Google translate is not that accurate just letting you know.

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  • It’s impolite to peep others’ facebook without his permission even though he is your boyfriend! Think about that, if he didn’t flirt with other girls and you queried him as you thought, what will he think of you? He maybe lost his trust on you! That’s terrible. Instead, if him indeed betrayed you, than you can break up with him. Maybe it’s a little unfair for you , but you can observe his action. I believe every girl’s EQ is high.

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  • Not sure of the culture, could be his sister, or friend. Just ask him. But do not ask him with prior assumptions in mind. Let him speak, and do not interrupt. Take what he says with a grain of salt and make a logical conclusion to what he says.

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  • leave this fucker asap!

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What Girls Said 2

  • where is he from?

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  • That is what you get for being nosey. I don't feel sorry for you at all. You are obviously insecure and the relationship is not going to last because you do not trust him

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