Guys, Not sure what to do... found out my boyfriend fucked me over before he went into the service and now I don't know what to do?

So my boyfriend is in the military... and the day before he left for basic I found out about a bunch of shit he lied about from months before... and it's been like 3 weeks since he's been gone... and I've found out about more things he's lied about via his Facebook... He pretty much lied to me about this girl he said came onto him at a party and said they had just been friends before that... and I found out he had tried getting with her a year ago before he and I had been together... which wouldn't bother me, but he lied about it... so I tried asking her and she straight up lied to my face... and he also said some very inappropriate things to another girl who was trying to get with his friend while his friend had a girlfriend, "in an effort to get her to stay away from him", he says... but he said he'd be there when and if she changed her mind and said he'd put her through college because he's in the navy...

Like what the fuck! We've known each other for a decade and this is how be repays me!

Anyways... so now he's gone and I'm left with all this shit to deal with and I'm unable to talk to him about any of it... part of me wants to be selfish and do what I want and just pretty much shun him... and when he comes back just pretty much tell him to shove it. But the other part of me says to talk to him and break up with him before I do anything... and that's what I've been doing but I feel so conflicted... because it's not fair that he can fuck me over while I'm right there with him but I'm supposed to be a good girl and wait for my soldier to come home...

Updates:
Update: so, he not only flirted with this girl but promised he'd be there for her "when and if she changed her mind" WHILE WE WERE TOGETHER. He also said he'd put her through college and blah blah blah SHIT THAT MAKES ME SICK! He also lied to me about a bunch of shit his family told me about! HE said he never was serious about any of it, BUT HOW THE FUCK DO I KNOW THAT! HE SAID SHE'S A 9 AND HE'S THE ONE SHE NEEDS

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm surprised you're feeling any level of loyalty to him at all! I'd find another guy to be with and let him find out about you leaving him, the same way you discovered his infidelity - through FB. He's in Basic Training right now. If you want to kick him in the teeth the same way he did to you, that would be the way to do it. I do not understand his actions one bit!

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What Guys Said 8

  • I'd say from my point of view, communication is the main problem within the relationship, everything should be based on trust and if you loose it, it's like you lost everything. If you're jealous way too much also is not a big deal for you, because you increase his self confidence and he might be able to do a lot of things.
    So talk and explain to him, how you feel and what you want, until it gets too late.

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    • I've tried! He says he understand but he doesn't! I should have added this earlier but he did this before.

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    • Hope you got the right decision, keep in mind that men start realizing what they've lost once they loose it completely...

    • It's happened before. He's had enough chances and I want my freedom.

  • Don't know how military law works as well, but I'm pretty sure that if a serviceman cheats, or has an affair while in service, he gets dishonestly discharged. Bring it up to him first, then if he denies it, bring it up to his recruiter, or whoever is in charge of him.

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  • you need to have a serious talk with him but in a polite way. just say i found out about... can you please tell me why you did this behind my back? what are your options with me. see how he responds and then make your decision but seriously it might just be how he is as a person. can you accept him for who he is?

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  • Ultimately it's your choice, but if you do fuck around you may regret it later

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    • It's not that I want to fuck around, it's that I just don't want to be with him if that's how he wants to act. But I can't break up with him. I'd like to be able to go out and do things without having to freaking think about how it will affect a relationship that I'm pretty much being forced in right now cuz I can't do shit about it. He can completely disregard our relationship and do whatever he wants... but I have to be good and worry about it and be considerate... it's such a double standard it's ridiculous.

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    • Wow that's pretty fucked up of him. You deserve a hell of a lot better!

    • I'm not perfect I mean I recently just did something that's going to hurt him but honestly I kinda just want it to be over... it's obviously falling apart.

  • If you don't want to be in a relationship break up with him. Don't go behind his back because you are unhappy with him. Doing the same thing or worse to him does not is just as wrong. If you really can't wait see if you can Skype him or something but don't do something behind his back.

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  • Write him a Dear John letter.

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    • Ah see but I don't want to do that... cuz yeah he's an ass... but I don't want to kill him.

  • he didn't even cheat on you, so why are you worried

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    • this^

      seems too much on principle..

      this guy will be gone if you try to "fuck him over" (which in my opinion I think he was just looking around because he wasn't happy in the relationship, which isn't a good reaction)

      all I'm saying is she needs to work on the issues lol.

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    • He told another girl he'd be there when/if she changed her mind... WHILE WE WERE TOGETHER. He said he'd put her through college and she'd be serving her country if she went with him. I'm sorry but that's cyber cheating.

    • @ShadowLing when did I say I wanted to fuck him over? I just want to be free and do what I please but I feel trapped with him.. because I feel like writing him a letter... I won't know when/if he gets it and I'll have to wait for a response so regardless I'm trapped in this relationship.

  • If someone cyber cheated on me or cheated at all or did with this fucker did, leave his ass. I've been cheated on 2 times. I left both of them. I'm a no second chance dude when it comes to cheating and flirting with other people.

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