Is my reaction normal? Am I overly sensitive or do I have a right to be upset?

I'm 21. I've never hooked up with anyone before until New Year's Eve. He and I continued to keep in contact and I saw him 3 times (hanging out & sex). He led me on- he would say and act like he wanted me in his future (ex: meeting my family, texting me).

Then, I caught feelings. The last time we had sex was last Thursday. The next day I had asked him if he ever wanted to try for something more and it's been 5 days and he never responded. I tried messaging him again saying it's cool and if he wanted to see me again that weekend, again nothing. He keeps looking at my snap chat stories..
only way he isn't ignoring me. Prob messing with me and enjoying having some hot chick after him.

Its been 5 days, and one minute I am fine and all "f him" and then the next I am crying and I'm just so depressed. I don't want to move from bed. I don't want another guy to touch me. The thought of he and I together keeps haunting me. It isn't that I am hurting because of a wounded ego or that I like him that much, it's just 1) I miss his touch; I'm a loner and introvert and he awakened a desire for human contact I never thought I would want. I crave just having him there, even if it's just his body. Oh how u loved the endorphin rush when I was driving to his place at night. Just knowing I'd see him. And 2) the idea that a guy can just discard me like I am nothing and ignore me as if I don't matter at all.
Do I really mean nothing to him? Why would he start off as seeming to care, and not just message me when he wants to see me but like he wanted to get to know me, and then poof? He's taking classes now and has sports.. He's busy; but it's not an excuse to not respond.


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  • "1) I miss his touch; I'm a loner and introvert and he awakened a desire for human contact I never thought I would want."

    This can be devastating if you're an introvert who avoided human contact most of your life and maybe even a lot of social interaction, to go from that to something as intimate sex and then some kind of heartbreak. I went through that kind of rapid transition in my 20s, wasn't pretty, similar feelings, but it kind of got me to break out of my shell and become a social person, a bit more like an extrovert in behavior even if I might really prefer solitude.

    As for what this guy is doing and thinking, I don't know. Maybe he's just really busy.

    One thing you have to watch out for, since this is your first, and since you went all these years without this kind of intimate touch, your natural reaction is to one to cling to him like a prized possession, a lottery ticket. That behavior alone can drive him away, even if his intentions are nobler than they kind of sound here.

    So it helps to seek some level of independence, even if you feel like you've had a taste of paradise, to focus on this earth and try to find something to do other than obsess over him inside your room and craving his touch again. It'll drive you crazy, and that'll let him play you and control you and dispense with you if he gets tired. You have to balance these feelings out.

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    • your natural reaction is to one [/want] to cling to him like a prized

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    • I picked up some hobbies like drawing, writing music, started going to events I was invited to even though I was kind of shy, I tried to force myself to interact with people, go out, make friends. Mostly I just tried doing lots of things and found some things I loved doing, and that gave me more things to do and fall in love with than just the girl I was dating, and that helped me even with my relationships later on (it didn't reduce the intensity of the feeling so much, but just made it so I wasn't miserable if she was busy or something).

      "Another question, for my future self, when I meet someone, is it best not to have sex quickly then?"

      in my opinion this is the smartest move to wait at least until a number of dates where you two feel pretty close and connected even without sex.

      I didn't do this so well, I got frisky on dates quickly and went to the bedroom often around the third date often before I really knew the girl that well. I was impatient, but it wasn't lust driving it [...]

    • [...] Instead, since I derived so much of the idea of this connection and intimacy and "magical touch" from our chemistry in the bedroom, I was eager to find out how "sexually compatible" I was with the women I was dating as soon as possible. With some the chemistry was there, with most it simply wasn't there.

      So I was kind of reckless and trying to jump into the bedroom. In retrospect I think it's a bad idea, and it's possible that if you grow really connected to a person without sex, the chemistry might end up existing in the bedroom simply because of that connection you built outside. I'm not sure how that works since I was never so patient when dating.

      That said, the woman I eventually married was a best friend who I never thought of in that way until she gave me a kiss on the lips real fast in a kind of teasing way at a party, then I was like, "Wait a minute..." And suddenly saw her in a new light.

  • Totally normal

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