My girlfriend (ex-now) broke up with me recently, and although she said she wants to stay close friends, she's now basically blanking and ignoring me?

I'm getting really down and depressed about it because at least for a few weeks we were still close and it was almost like breaking up wasn't that bad because I still got to see her and talk to her everyday... but since a week ago she is always irritable, answers my texts and calls with 'What?', and whenever I asked why she was getting angry so easily she was saying 'do we need to talk everyday? we broke up, remember?' to which I replied 'you said you wanted to stay close friends' and then she says 'how close do you want to be?' to which I couldn't answer because it's not like I can quantify being 'close' with someone, you just feel it, don't you?

Since a few days ago she doesn't text or call me at all but I can see her updating stuff etc on social media so it's not like she's too busy to talk to me.

I'm really close with her male flatmate (who definitely has no interest in her) and if she were seeing someone else, he would've told me about it. Plus, she's leaving the country around October when her visa expires (one of the reasons why she wanted to break up because she thought the relationship was pointless).

My question is:

Am I right to feel down and depressed about it? Am I justified in feeling hurt because although she apparently wanted to be close, it turns out actually she doesn't want to talk to me... or am I jumping the gun and should I wait until she's not spoken to me for a few weeks before judging the situation?

+1 question:

She said she doesn't want to date anyone since she'll be leaving, but if she does end up dating someone despite saying that (and despite it being the main reason she broke up with me), am I being reasonable if I got extremely p****ed off and jealous?


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What Girls Said 2

  • Frankly, a lot of times people say they want to stay friends just to ease the pain of the initial break up. They have no intention of being close friends. It sounds like she falls into this category.

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    • I've been lucky enough (if I can say lucky...) to have been the one to break up with the girl or have a relationship end mutually for the last 3 or 4 years - this is the first time I've been dumped for quite some time, so I guess I just forgot how it felt to be discarded (it might even be karma for the way I handled some past relationships).

      If she does decide to text/call me after some time, what kind of response do you recommend?

      I don't think I want to get back with her because I know she'll just break up with me, but I at least want her to respect me so should I just put on a brave face and maybe ignore HER for a few days before texting back etc?

      I'm not one to play mindgames but I need to maintain my dignity at least.

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    • @Trotters every situation is different, I think. 6 months no contact is very strong! I hope it is helping you heal, too.

    • Yeah I just can't be friends with an ex especially one who I know is a cheater. Thanks for replying

  • She could just be hurt over the break up and talking everyday reminds her of when you were together. Who broke it off? I'd advise you to back off a little for about a week. If you're asking about her to her roomate she might feel a bit claustrophobic. Tell her roomate that you miss her, but genuinely make yourself happy without her. Right now I'd give her some space. Do you definitely want her back? And what's the reason for wanting her back?

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    • she broke up with me, just to give you some context

What Guys Said 1

  • Well of course you're going to feel down and depressed, you obviously care for her a lot and this wasn't your decision. I'm sure she does want to remain friends but you have to back off quite a bit. I've been through that before and it's not healthy for for either person. Just give it some time. That's the issue with staying friends after a breakup, most of the time someone is going to get pissed and jealous. The reasonable thing is to remember that either one of you could find someone else at any point in the near future.

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    • I agree with the first part, but what about the fact that she used the whole 'im leaving the country anyway' thing as her reason to break up with me?

      Surely if she starts dating someone before she leaves (who isn't also from her country) then isn't she a complete hypocrite?

    • I'll put it like this.. If she ended up doing that then you will know that she wasn't the right person to be with. Either way it's a lot harder to heal when you stay close or in contact in the long run.

    • I understand your point totally, but at the same time I was actually starting to heal while we were kinda close and still enjoying a friendly phone conversation here and there - it was getting easier to get over her and I was getting used to thinking of her as a friend with whom a relationship maybe wasn't the right choice for us.

      But now that she's doing this, all I can think of is how my ex has just thrown me out like trash. Maybe my way of getting over it is to stay friends and ease myself into it, but by dropping me like a ton of bricks she really hasn't helped at all.

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