Was I really offensive with what I said? :/ please help?

Now, it was my birthday on Thursday, so my ex texted saying 'Happy Birthday. I hope you have a nice day :)' at like 6 o'clock at night. I just replied saying 'yeah thanks, drunk :)'.

anyway, it was his birthday the day after mine, and I really didn't feel like wishing him a happy birthday :/ But I felt I had to, so I just texted saying 'happy birthday' and this was our replies. He's replying in grey and I'm blue.
Was I really offensive with what I said? :/ please help....? So yeah, he got completely mad, which I wasn't expecting. Seems like he absolutely hates me now and I'm not sure what to do.

Was as this my fault or is he overreacting? I kinda thought he was over me and wouldn't care :/

  • He's overreacting
    Vote A
  • You provoked this reaction
    Vote B
  • He's took it personally
    Vote C
  • He has something to hide from you as you've made him feel guilty
    Vote D
  • Something else...
    Vote E
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
HOW DO I FIX THIS?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah you provoked him. This is entirely your fault. To be brutally honest it sounds like he is better off as your ex. I don't think you can fix that, if you resent/hate him enough to tell him off on his birthday for no other reason then to tell him off (after he was respectful and polite/nice) then why would you even want to? Why would he bother listening?

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    • Well, I was actually disrespectful towards him because despite him wishing me a happy birthday, he disrespected me behind my back... and I found out about it from a third party person. So, yeah, I was extremely annoyed. Despite that fact, I still shouldn't have said what I said :/

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    • Thanks for the MHO! I'm glad I helped. Just take it slow. Good luck.

    • You're welcome :) you helped me a lot, so, thanks for that.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Sorry to say this, but you musnt have said that at all! :/ he seemed to wish u a really happy birthday and he added " i hope you have a great day :) " ... You shouldn't have told him that you don't feel like it :/ ... HOW TO FIX THIS... Just apologize, tell him you had a bad day and say sorry about it, he doesn't HATE you for that but maybe it kinda hurt him and that's why he got SO MAD... Go apologize to him sweetie that's the right thing to do

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    • I've said sorry to him and I feel so awful about it all :(. He's really mad at me and thinks we should keep contact to an 'absolute minimum' he doesn't want me to make it up to him either :/ I'm so annoyed at myself. I just had such a bad day yesterday.

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What Guys Said 15

  • It sounds like it wasn't just one thing that made him act this way but you telling him that you only whished him happy birthday because you felt like you had to didn't help I guess. If you really wanted to fix something you probably should have started earlier, it seems like it's too late now. It doesn't seem like there was much there anyway, I don't understand why you're suddenly desperate to keep this friendship (or whatever it is) going when you didn't really care before. I don't know anything except this text so I can't say much but that's the impression I got.

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  • I don't know the intricacies of your relationship. However, it seems like he genuinely wanted to wish you a happy birthday, whatever reason that may be is irrelevant, but when you did it with the addendum of "I feel like I was obligated to do it out of courtesy rather than actually caring" (not quoting you directly, read it like a "how he interpreted your text") it just sounded not just hollow, but a bit insulting.

    It's not fun being told "oh yeah, I know it's your birthday but I don't really care enough to wish you a happy birthday, and the only reason I'm saying happy birthday is because I social norms require I have to." Add that to the bad memories of the former relationship and you have the recipe for some nasty emotions.

    So, yeah I'd say it was a bit rude.

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    • I really didn't mean it to be rude :( I meant in the sense that the thought of his birthday and how I'm not with him anymore made me feel really down (I didn't tell him this either) but I genuinely felt uncomfortable wishing him a happy birthday. Now he's absolutely raging with me and said I'm 'needlessly vindictive and doesn't see why he should let it get to him anymore'

      What do I do? I don't want to lose him completely :(

    • It sounds like both of you have some serious baggage left over from your relationship/breakup. I'd recommend leaving him be for the time being, as it seems like neither of you are in the right place to handle being with one another. If you don't want to cut him out completely that's fine, after a while apologize to him for coming off so rude and say that wasn't your intention. However, if he feels the need to cut you out of his life entirely then understand that's what he needs.

      And don't beat yourself up about it. Breakups are always tough, and the emotions they bring up even tougher to handle, especially when you cared about the person. It'll take time to figure things out and put all the nastiness behind you.

    • I tried to apologise today, but he wasn't exactly ready for it. He's very, very angry with me :/

  • why send someone birthday wishes just to be sarcastic or try and prove a point? do it because you want to out fo the goodness of your heart otherwise don't do it at all

    sending a birthday message with a thinly veiled shot at his behavior is not cool.

    send the birthday wish
    OR
    send the shot

    but don't send the wish with the thinly veiled shot while trying to sort of incite an argument

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    • not saying he was in the right about your birthday BUT you don't need to respond in kind or up the ante

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    • regardless of how he treated your birthday or how you feel about him... how would you respond to someone sending you a birthday text and explaining "So I thought I'd let him know I was just doing it because I felt I had to"

      happy birthday... cause i feel like i have to say it...

      that's not cool. just don't say happy birthday.

    • I know, it was wrong, ok. I found out he'd been dishonest with me about something and that's what triggered me off. I was so pissed off and at that particular moment I just thought... why bother. I meant it in the sense I was annoyed with him, had a rough week and felt like crawling away into a corner. But yeah? I still really shouldn't have did this.

  • He is your ex. WTF do you care if he's angry and why do you care about "fixing" it? What changes if it gets fixed? And if he's not your ex. . . be honest with yourself and everyone else.

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    • He IS my ex. HE wished me a happy birthday and I felt I should in wish him it back in turn. :/

  • If you know some one drinks you never call them drunk cause the automatic response is im not!

    So move on cause its already a inflamed situation no need to make it worse.

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  • Please grow some social awareness if his negative response surprises you, tyvm

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  • *facepalm* you should just not speak to anyone until you can remove your head from your ass and get some social intelligence.

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  • i wouldve acted the same , how do you expect to be treated after what you did? a girl did somethig similiar to me once i told her to forget we're friends.

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    • Some dude called you a bitch, can't deny the facts sweetie.

    • Look, I didn't mean it how everyone is reading it. I just didn't feel great all round yesterday or like doing much but felt I HAD to be polite and wish him happy birthday.

  • If I tell my girlfriend "I only say I love you because I have to," would that justify her almost certain offended reaction?

    No shit it would. You don't tell people shit like that. It's either from the heart, feigned from the heart, or not at all

    It is most definitely your fault

    You just need to leave him alone and let him go about his business

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    • What if I never even meant it that way but purely in the sense I just couldn't be bothered with anything that day? Cause I truthfully couldn't :/

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    • I know it wasn't meant from the heart. You didn't have to tell me that

      You're free to keep bugging him, but now you know why it was stupid as shit to even say

      Don't be surprised if, when you make up, he doesn't talk to you again

    • Well, I'm glad you picked up on that.

      Yeah, I don't intend to bother him. If we see each other locally, we can talk for a bit. As far as dating is concerned though, can't say I'm as fussed about it as I was.

      We have (kinda) made up. He's told me he forgives me but is still pretty pissed off. I reckon that will take a while to fade. He went from saying he never wanted to talk again... to saying he could be nice. So yeah, feelings seemed pretty conflicted.

  • if you were angry and if you think there are things you can't forget, then you need to deal with those things as a mature woman, instead of waiting for that day so say something so messed up.

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  • You have the right to express yourself but you will never have the right of the consequence in brings. I'm with team you're a bitch. Be nicer mam

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  • Why do people still talk to their ex's..

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  • He found out you're a slut. I'd get ready for a break up.

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    • Um, what? Haha. That has absolutely nothing to do with anyone :)

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    • That was a dick move. And you're probably a slut.

    • Ah right, so, it's not a dick move for him to say such a thing... but it's a dick move because the female said it. I have no time for sexist people. And sorry to burst your bubble? But I'm really none of that 😂

  • I am also ex for u here :( you come here and go, that's your habit now

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  • Leave him the fuck alone and let him move on with his life

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What Girls Said 10

  • Text him back with More Best wishes, Clean the Mean Slate here, dear And... Leave it that with the Candles Having been Blown OUT on Both ends, Stay... Friends now.
    The Past may Not have Been such A Blast. However, just because Two people Break up, doesn't Mean they Can't and Don't... Make up and That it Is: "Good-bye, nice Try"... Forever.
    Good luck and Happy Belated Birthday. xx

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  • If you had so much hard feelings towards him and then you shouldn't of bothered wishing him happy birthday because you obviously never meant it. By his response he seems to still care and asking you to delete his number is probably because he's upset and feels your wishes weren't genuine ( they weren't you told him this lol) I would text him and say listen I'm sorry for the way I responded, I guess I'm just holding on to anger over Afew things u found out about you when we're together.. Anyway just wanted to let you know I have no hard feelings towards you and really do wish you the best, I'll delete your number now take care x that way your the bigger person and he will feel like shit :)

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    • Thanks for not being totally horrible! I feel awful about what I've done, he's extremely angry with me. I didn't even mean that I didn't want to wish him happy birthday... I just felt SO down yesterday and now he's took it completely the wrong way :/

  • Your response was really not needed. If i don't feel like wishing someone a happy birthday, I simply don't wish them a happy birthday. He genuinely wanted to wish you all the best. I hope you didn't kill his vibe on his birthday!

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  • CLEARLY you're not over him. If you were, you wouldn't care if he gets mad. Also why bring stuff from the past while wishing him a happy birthday?

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    • Yeah I know :/ I guess though he got so mad I got a little bit of a shock. It was like, recently that stuff happened and I guess just finding out about it a few days before his birthday didn't help at all.

    • Understandable :/

  • Stop keeping in contact with your exes. This shit ain't cute. Stop it. Nothing good will ever come of it.

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  • Yes, that was really offensive and maybe even childish.
    First the birthday thing, that everyone else already pointed out.
    Then you mention stuff your heard about him somewhere, but refuse to say what it is or where it was, saying it doesn't matter anymore...
    Did you just write to ruin his day? Because you probably did. I would be pretty upset even if I really liked the person.

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  • He asked u to delete him so do it.

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  • I guess he's an ex for a reason...

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  • Yea you seemed bitter. He's your ex... so let it go whatever you found out. He wished you Happy bday. If you knew u were gonna start something, then maybe u shouldn't have told him happy bday because u felt like you "had to."

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  • Really that was uncalled for from by you, a very cunty move. Why don't you just leave him alone?

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