How to have a successful relationship break? We have been dating about a year?

I've been dating a guy, let's call him J, exclusively for about a year. We are currently on a break, and have been for about a week (if one can even call it that). Long story short, we got into a really bad rut. We would fight weekly about small things, make up, and spend one night a week together, then the cycle would repeat. We are long-distance, and have been since about 3 months, but we see each other weekly (and more at work, but personal time is about 1x/week). About 2 weeks ago, I noticed something different when we hungout. He looked at me differently - more intensely and longer. He wanted to cuddle more often when together, and asked to take a shower together. We made love per usual, watched a movie, and the next morning took a shower. Before I had to go to work, we spent the morning cuddling, and talking. It felt strangely magical. This was after a fight earlier in the week. After that weekend, I realized I was falling harder for him than I'd imagined, I think I am in love with him (I don't use the word lightly, so I wanted to be sure before even entertaining the idea). We aren't great at telling each other how we feel. I wanted to tell him that week that I cared more intensely for him, yet it came out in the form of "we should hangout more" and since I was expecting a certain answer, I got mad when he suggested it was unrealistic with our scheduled. This lead to a fight. We didn't talk for 3 days (not like us even in an argument). I asked if we could talk about the situation, and he said yes, next time we saw each other. This was Tuesday. We didn't talk until Friday. It was clear he was not going to initiate hanging out, so I got mad and felt he didn't care. I created an ultimatum -- he shows up and we talk by X time, or I'm done. He got mad at this, and asked that we talk tomorrow, I said no. We ended up talking that night. I apologized, but he said he couldn't deal with the ultimatum, he said I didn't seem happy and he wasn't either, he felt he was not


0|0
22

Most Helpful Guy

  • so what was the real resolution to the phone call? Just take a break? in this situation - a volatile relationship - it probably won't work. You guys argue a lot, both seem not quite mature enough to handle a real fruitful relationship. Plus it's only been a few days since you talked? This question may be moot lol. A few days is nothing, a mutual break or not.

    The question in general, however, is difficult. It depends on the people and the reason for the break and the PURPOSE of the break. I've never had a mutual break, though I have had brief breakups that would just lead back to seeing the same person.

    But it's great timing for this question. I guess I'm in a break right now. Dated a girl for a while and hurt her real bad w/ my temper. She said she wanted to take a break, but I was too stubborn and kept talking to her for a couple months. Now I've talked to her just once in the past 1.5 months, forcing myself to not bother her. I texted her the other day to say hi, and got no reply. =( Now I'm afraid I may never get another chance...

    0|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think any sort of 'break' can bode well for the relationship, regardless of how long you've been dating.

    I understand that you guys are in a bit of a rut, lots of fighting, things feel off. That sort of thing, and you think that some time apart will fix it. Sad to say, it's not that simple. I don't believe that if a couple is having a bit of an 'off period', that time apart will resolve anything so issues will remain just the same whether tensions have cooled or not. Also, what does it say for your long term potential if you need to set time apart at times when you're butting heads? Aren't couples supposed to stick it through good times as well as bad, without needing a vacation away from each other?

    Maybe something feels off because he's already checked out of the relationship. Just a thought...

    0|0
    0|0
Sponsored

Have an opinion?

0/2500

Send It!

What Guys Said 1

  • There is no successful way to have a "relationship break" FULL STOP. One of you will sleep with someone, become involved with someone else. If you get back together there will be jealousy. Just be real with yourselves and have the courage to end it.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 1

  • If you two really love each other, please stop the break. Being apart doesn't help anything, I promise you. Relationships go through bad times, but the difference between the ones that last and the ones that don't is the willingness to work through the problems. You cannot just give up and take a break whenever things get bad. You have to figure out a way to communicate in whatever way works for you two. It could take some time, but it's so worth it. You shouldn't go days without talking, because you say you two love each other! Sometimes, it just takes looking past your pride and emotions in the moment and thinking about why you two got together in the beginning. Hope this helps!

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...