I dont love my husband any more but I feel sorry to divorce him , he is the best person, I dont want to hurt him what should I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think you have a good understanding of what love really is. It sounds like your idea of love is connected to an emotion, and that isn't the same thing as love. Love is actually just a commitment to sacrifice for someone else. If you are lucky they will return the love, and make sacrifices for you as well.

    I suspect you are mistaking feelings such as infatuation, and lust to be the same thing as love. They are powerful emotions, but love is about taking care of someone else, no matter what Hollywood tells us.

    Emotions come and go, and make a bad foundation for a marriage. Your husband can't make you feel happy, or love, no matter how much he may want to. It is simply impossible for him to do so. You have to find a way to master your own emotions.

    You need to make a decision about what kind of relationship you would prefer. If you want the highs that come at the beginning of a relationship, then serial monogamy may be a better match than ever getting married. Or you might find a way to find a way to be happy within your marriage. As things stand now though, you could grow to resent him, if you see him as the reason that is preventing you from being happy. So if you decide you don't want to be married anymore, then you need to hurry up, before it creates bad blood between the two of you.

    What is best will depend on your personality, and sometimes can even be linked to your health. For example some people can't fully appreciate others if they are suffering from depression and need to get medical attention for it.

    If I was married to a woman that I described as "the best person" I would do whatever it took to hold on to her, and work through my issues. Some things I would try before getting a divorce would be to find happiness in ways outside the relationship, such as taking up hobbies and finding my emotional highs that way. I would also consider going to the doctor and seeing if there was a medical problem that was keeping me from being happy with my life.

    I think the real problem isn't that you don't "love" him. I think the problem is that you just aren't happy with your life. You need to figure out what you require in order to make yourself happy, before you can ever expect to be happily married to anyone. Otherwise you will only enjoy the distraction of the emotional highs at the beginning of the relationship.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You're not going to get very many decent answers here for your situation tbh. Most people here have never been married or even in serious long term relationships. They'll all judge you and say you're horrible.
    Honestly, there has to be more to it than you just don't love him. I understand very much your feelings and am going through a similar experience. Don't let others make you feel like a horrible person.
    I think you need to speak with your husband about it and try to go to counseling. If he's truly that wonderful it would be a bad thing to throw away.

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What Guys Said 19

  • Okay, let's assume that what you said is 100% true and you don't love your husband anymore.

    There is only one thing you can do in this instance. Divorce him. Because trying to keep on with a relationship that you're no longer invested in is going to be extremely harmful for you, for your husband, and for any children you may have (if you have any that is). Either way, you're hurting him, and to do it over an extended period is just cruel. Better to get the divorce done and over with. You both will be better off in the long run.

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  • The fact that you think he is the best person and you don't want to hurt him even though you're no longer attracted to him means only one thing - you love him even after the honeymoon period is over. Life won't be an endless sex fest and wild passion. If you're bored - try to spice things up with him. He'll definitely appreciate it and will do the same for you. Don't waste a good marriage just because things have calmed down.

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  • If he is the best person, why don't you want to honor your commitments work on saving your marriage. Work on it together, become partners, and your feelings will probably return.

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    • I never loved him inthe beginging but he is the best person on earth , i thought i would love him but am just hurting him everyday! Am a horrible person

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    • Wow, and you got married? Poor guy. Imagine if it was you, finding out your husband not only doesn't love you, but never did. I do suggest you be honest with him though. End it as hard as it might be. Let him at least have the possibility of finding someone that truly loves him. It not fair to him for you to stay, or you either for that matter.

    • Next time you marry, make sure you love the person first.

  • You do love him, or you wouldn't care so much. You just don't feel any chemistry toward him at the moment. Feelings can betray you. Jeremiah was not joking.

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  • Let me guess? Met up in high school, married at 23-24, divorce at 30?

    This is happening a lot around here. People are getting married too early without ever experiencing life (i. e. variety) early on. Then by 30 this happens. Why I refuse to get married until late twenties/early thirties :)

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  • You found another man, right?

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    • Probably found that BBC, that magic stick, that anaconda, that tent stick, that baseball bat furry, that third-leg, that messiah, that truth, that amazing grace, that holy grail, that hulk smash, that that ain't gonna fit, that kinnaras, that yolo, that child-suppourt, that hit and run, that juicey fruit...

  • If you're not happy with him anymore then it's up to you to decide whether or not to be with him. The question is, what is wrong with your husband? :/

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  • divorce him, if you feel unhappy it's not going to change at all.
    But keep in mind that the next person you start dating, or let's say get married to! may not give you all the love, memories, and happy moments as your current husband did.

    You might find yourself unhappy for whole life, decision is yours, choose the right one.

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  • Hmm then why did you marry him if you don't love him from the start? How the hell did you even end up with him?

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  • i actually need more details to be able to answer your question cause i already gone through the same issue recently.
    if you mind talking about it in public you can PM me.

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  • Yea, divorce that scumbag, he deserves that for what he's done.

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  • its simple you dont know the real meaning of love.

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  • If he's the best person, you should honor your vows. Or you could leave and take all his money.

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    • Am not planning to take his money, he doesn't have any !

  • Don't divorce him.

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  • You call him the best person and you don't love him? What happened?

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  • work on it and feelings come back

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  • you shouldn't waste his time and emotions on someone doesn't deserve them

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  • Find him a nice young girl to sleep with, then divorce?

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What Girls Said 11

  • I would recommend couples therapy. But I'm not even sure that'll work, if you never loved your husband in the first place. But it's something I highly recommend trying before you go to divorce.

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  • Don't you think it will hurt him more if he finds out that you've been pretending you love him when you no longer do? Divorce doesn't have to be awful and combative. You can go your separate ways and remain friends. If you feel more like his roommate than his wife, there's a chance he feels the same way. You have to tell him.

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  • u need to figure out why u don't love him.

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  • If you don't love him, he deserves to know that, regardless of what happens after. Especially since you don't have children, there's no reason to keep him from moving on. Maybe he will find someone to love that actually loves him back.

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  • Sorry you are feeling so stuck. I was in a similar situation as you once and I wish I would have tried harder to make it work. Instead, we separated. With no kids involved we can have our own independent lives without the need to see each other or communicate. It hurts me, don't have a clue if it's hurting him, but neither one of us has filed for divorce or legal separation.

    In my case it's cause I don't want to and still have hope.

    In his case I have no idea what the reasoning is for not filing anything. I imagine that it's just easier to ignore the fact that he's still married. I don't want to assume more since I also don't want to get hopeful then disappointed or too depressed.

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  • So what's it to be then.. Boredom, The Seven Year Itch or Been Cheating?

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  • I think you better file a divorce, it is unfair to him. I'm sure it will hurt him more if he found out that you're just pretending to live with him without any feeling.

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  • pretend love, is the worse thing you can do. If you don't feel it, end it, don't put him through all that, what would happen when you're sick of hiding it and he find out, it'll just get worse.

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  • ... You need to get laid or f by some many other guys for a month test the waters lots of men do it see how u feel than

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  • You married him. Marriage is for life. Until death. What you should do is stay with him and make sure it works.

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  • If he is the best person, can I have him?
    I'll swap you for the asshole I am about to divorce...

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    • Yes you should exchange :-)

      By the way why is your current one an asshole?

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    • Well that's definitely a relationship killer... Maybe he is just a dick or lost interest in you?

    • @singlebee I have spent a lot of time trying to work it out. He came from a violent home but when we got together he seemed like a good guy - very together, kind, caring, etc. He just turned on me. Recently in my search for answers I read an article on child abuse victims (only yesterday actually) which basically said they can seem normal but if they haven't dealt with the abuse and just buried it then it will resurface even decades later, often triggered by stressful life events. And we had a few big changes in the last couple of years (moved home, and he changed careers). And it is very common for them to project anger onto their spouse. So I now believe maybe this was the problem :(
      The article also said that nothing will change until he acknowledges the problem and he was in complete denial.

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