How do I cut him out?

I've been friends with this guy for about 12 years now. We used to hang out and watch films and eat pizza. We were also friends with benefits off and on for a few years, although we haven't done that for about 10 years now. I'm with a guy now and we're very serious. He's the first person I've ever told about my friends with benefits and he doesn't like it. It makes him really uncomfortable and he's convinced there's more to it. Me and my friends with benefits don't hang out now unless it's him and his fiancée and me and my guy together so te biggest part of our friendship has gone. I decided to end our friendship as we've both moved on and what's left isn't worth hurting my guy for. What's the best way to end it? I don't know what to say in a message, and ignoring his messages will take a long time and mean he's still on my Facebook which upsets my guy. How can I end it without having to write the awkward message?

  • Keep ignoring him until he gets the message
    Vote A
  • Send him a Dear John
    Vote B
  • Just block his number and Facebook and avoid him
    Vote C
  • Other -please comment suggestions
    Vote D
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Actually. I disagree with AustinMan there. I think any hot blooded male would disagree with their partner still talking to a friend that they were friends with benefits. I would.

    To me, if you turn it on it's head. How would you feel if he was talking to someone he regularly had sex with? Even 10 years ago. Does it make you feel jealous?

    I think you're doing the right thing - but you also owe it to your friend to tell him why you're giving up the friendship - else he'll always wonder why.

    Hope that helps. Life is so damn difficult at times lol

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    • Thank you. Although I know there's nothing to worry about I can understand where he's coming from. I don't think I'd be worried if it was the other way around but in the right circumstances I might.

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What Guys Said 1

  • It sounds to me like this is a symptom of a problem you're gonna regret if you don't address it firmly not. Clearly your guy is very insecure and that isn't gonna change because you distance yourself from your fiend. It sounds to me like he needs some therapy to address the central issue, whatever that is. Maybe abandonment. I'd suggest telling him that you won't choose his friends and either he trusts you or he doesn't and is he doesn't, there's a problem.

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    • That isn't the issue. He hasn't told me to do this. I've made the decision, partly because of how he feels but partly because I can see the friendship has run its course. He has concerns because we kept going back and I insisted there weren't feelings involved. He doesn't understand that as he's never done casual sex. He doesn't have underlying issues. We've talked about it and while I may not agree with his viewpoint I can understand why he feels like he does about it.

    • I hear you but I maintain that your friendships, as long as they are platonic, are your business. I see committed relationship as where our genitals are community property requiring joint consent to use but the rest is individual life.

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