My girlfriend of 3.5 years cheated on me last week. I was so devastated and still am. When I found out, I really wanted to try and work on things between us. I didn't want to just give up on something that I've invested years of my time and happiness into, and give up all my near and distant future plans with her.
So I tried to make it work and it did for a while. Then all of the sudden she shut me out this week, started being super distant. So I tried harder and then we had the breakup talk. But SHE was breaking up with ME! She said that she just doesn't think we belong together and that I am TOO THERE for her when she is sad. Projection much?
Anyways, we broke up on mostly good terms, and she said, in her words, "Also I just wanna tell you that I have no intentions to see anyone for a very long time." but I found out from the guy she cheated with that she reached out to him and asked if there was "anything there" between them and I don't care to know anything else.
Basically I'm heartbroken and torn: I poured hours these past few days trying to figure out how I can save things, only to come across this result. We're supposed to meet up for final adieus this weekend, but I don't know if I should confront her or just let things end? Please any advice would be fantastic. Thank you.
Most Helpful Girl
"She said that she just doesn't think we belong together and that I am TOO THERE for her when she is sad." Umm, wow! I don't even know how this could be a problem! Most people would be grateful to have a loving and supportive partner! I can't even begin to understand where her thought process on this is.
I'm really sorry to hear about this situation happening to you. It sounds like you are a very balanced, loving, caring boyfriend. You didn't deserve what happened to you, not one bit.
Thing is, you tried to fix things and she wasn't willing to try. Making a relationship work takes two people. If one isn't trying, then what's the point? You deserve a girlfriend who will love you and not cheat when things get hard. Relationships are never perfect, but you need someone who can weather the storm. For some reason this person isn't able to do that. It's tough when you have a history, but you are so much better off moving on than trying to make something work when it doesn't.
Sounds to me like you two have different ideas on how a relationship should look. I know I would personally love someone like you in my life bc I, like you, am very caring. I always try to be there for people in their time of need.
Try to keep busy, and spend time with friends and family. I'm sure you will meet someone who can appreciate how wonderful you really are!
I totally know the devastating effects cheating can have a on a person, as I have been cheated on in the past.
I honestly think you need to just let her go. I know it won't be easy. But you deserve SO MUCH BETTER! You truly do! Somehow there became a disconnect between you two. Not sure why she did what she did, but it sounds to me like she's not really connected to you anymore. I'm really sorry to have to say.
A confrontation will just make you feel bad, because you still care about her on some level.2
Most Helpful Guy
That sucks man, but I can certainly relate. I was with my ex for 4 years (we also lived together) and we ended in November. She didn't cheat, but she did end it, and like you... I also wanted it to work out since we invested so much time.
After she moved out, I tried contacting her a week or two later, she shot me down. I tried once more on the third week... no luck either. Then I decided fuck it, I'm moving on...
So I'm gonna tell you how to play this... I made the mistake of reaching out to her in the beginning. I know it's almost unbearable to resist, but do NOT do it. Here's why... after I decided 'fuck it' on the third week, something interesting happened... a couple weeks later, she re-added me on social media. I never accepted. A couple weeks after that, she texted me. I ignored. And she has since texted me 3 more times. I never replied. The reason is because I have truly moved on, and I'm currently dating 3 girls haha... living the dream.
The reason you cannot contact her is because you have to let her miss you. If you are constantly bugging her, then it will only make her upset, and she won't miss you.
Also, girls enjoy playing mind games. As long as you're chasing her, then she knows she still has you on a leash, and this gives her a sick sense of pleasure. But the way you fight back is by disappearing completely. It won't take long for her to start wondering why you aren't contacting her... did he move on? Did he meet someone else? Etc. These thoughts will start racing through her mind, and she will eventually drive herself insane and if she still cares, then she WILL contact you.
However, if/when she does, then you need to have a game plan in mind. Stay cool, calm, and in control if you do decide to talk to her again. Don't go crawling back.
BUT she cheated on you man, that's a fucking dagger to the heart. I can't even imagine if that was an issue added on top of my situation. Anyway, you deserve better than that, and so my advice is to move on and let her go. I was originally dreading it, but being single is awesome, and once you meet a cool girl then your ex will be forced out of your memory. It DOES get easier, I promise.2