Why do we want the ones who we can't have? Why am I hanging on to him when he is no good?

im not going to get into details but a couple weeks ago I had to cut ties from a guy I had known and had sex with a few times over the past few months. I wanted something real from him; he was just playing the game. He wanted continuous sex with me, and for me to not see others, yet it was okay for him to have a one nighter here and there.

It broke me, really it did. But I am to blame. I knew what he was about. I just was hopeful and wanted to believe in what he told me.

Now, weeks later... I still think about him daily. I don't have him on social media so I don't check as often, if I even do. But I keep hoping he will come around, want me as badly as he had, or that in a few months he will grow up and realize what he had lost, since I do consider myself a good catch. I have 20 or more guys asking me out, yet I can't do it. I can't get ready anymore, I eat more, I feel so empty and listless. He colored my world, or I built a fantasy around him, and now it's gone. I've been trying with another guy, and he is crazy about me... But I can't give him anything in return and that's breaking me further. I hate hurting people, yet I'm hurting myself. I feel like I'm causing myself this pain by not letting go, but I keep trying to let go and then whack it comes back and my feelings for him are still 100% there, and he doesn't deserve it at all. I'm wasting my time and potential... Why am I like this? Someone tell me what my problem is because I feel so dumb rn?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • eh... happens to the best of us mate... im a former player (not unlike your boy) and i still have like 3 people that i can't get off my mind. and this was years ago. just find someone else... accept one of the other offers and hope that they can at least distract you once in a while.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You know, I've asked myself that pretty much every day for the last month. And I still have yet to find an answer. You aren't dumb tho. Unfortunately, we can't help who we fall for. I'm dealing with a situation that's kind of similar. It brought out feelings and emotions that I haven't felt in years. It's no doubt one of the worst feelings in the world to feel for someone who can't or simply won't reciprocate those feelings. I wanna tell you that it gets easier, but I'm having a hard time believing that myself. It sucks. And I'm sorry that you're going through it. Feel free to message me if you want to talk about it.

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What Guys Said 2

  • It takes about 30 days for those feelings to pass, another 30 to not think about it all the time. The mind plays tricks. :)
    Dopamine is a powerful drug - the love drug. People get addicted to that. You're experiencing simple withdrawals. A replacement guy will help, but you still have the wait time for the other to get out of your brain.

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  • Honestly I think that you should cut the ties with him. Find someone that will really appreciate you for YOU. It may be hard to adjust at first but you won't regret it and you'll be happier!
    Even if you need to take time away from dating for a while... go for it... hang out with friends and people that care about you and when you're ready you will know.
    Stay up :)

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What Girls Said 1

  • I know how you feel

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