Would you be okay with your boyfriend/girlfriend keeping in touch with their ex?

Me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for a year now and In the beginning of the relationship my boyfriend has told me he keeps in contact with his ex. But everytime im around him her name pops up in his phone. And then recently i found out that she was in his call log after I used his phone to call my mom, it makes me mad because he's told me he doesn't like talking on the phone but why are they on the phone? He says they haven't been together in 4 years and were engaged for 4 years. Im getting suspicious because whenever he's texting he seems to be hiding his phone. He says its out of habit and he's learned from past relationships to not share his phone because its caused problems in the past. He says their just friends but when i ask about seeing what he's talking about on his phone he gets upset because he feels like i dont trust him and that I should be able to trust what he says. He says he has a hard time opening up and he's trying but he's learned to not share his phone as its caused problems in his previous relationships. I don't feel comfortable with this situation but don't want to come off as being controlling either...


0|0

Most Helpful Guy

  • It's kind of an Unwritten rule that you don't keep in contact with your ex... unless of course you have kids and the communication is on behalf of the kids then that's a different story.
    It is overall an unfair situation to put your current lover in... nobody likes the idea knowing that someone else took their man or woman, let alone them still keeping in contact with him or her?
    Sure... It may be a platonic relationship, but the point is that it makes your current lover feel as if though you are giving someone a part of you that you will not give them, and yes in fact it is like taking away from them by doing so.
    I've had ex girlfriends... One in particular that sticks to my mind that we kept in contact for a good ten to fifteen years after we had broken up and we were only together like maybe 4-5 months.
    It was a little different, she was married... And we were just friends but eventually her husband found out that she was talking to me and put an end to it.
    I don't hold any animosity, I completely understand... I miss her, and she will always be a part of my heart, she was a sweet girl, what can I say? But people move on, as they should!

    1|0
    0|0
    • Ofcourse her husband had a complete right to put a stop to your conversations... She was married and that hoe was taking to you being his back.. This is disrespectful and it's kinda cheating... Especially if she was talking to you behind her husbands back...
      If I was him I would divorce her for sneaking around

    • @singlebee... Well, she lived over 800 miles away, we didn't have any physical contact the whole time. We never had sex... And I was the first guy she ever kissed, her first boyfriend, and her first love.
      "Hoe" is not exactly what comes to mind on her behalf... We were just good friends, there were years in between we didn't talk, but when we did I keep it private from my wife at the time so that she wouldn't get jealous... We just had kind of a special connection, almost like family. I talked to her about my life, girlfriends, daughter... and she tell me about her husband, her baby, family, school/ work. We talked about everything from life to religion to God to hopes to dreams... It was innocent...
      However, I do understand the delicate nature of jealousy... People and their insecurities... which is why I kept it secret on my part... besides, it was in fact innocent.
      And I would do it again if she were to call me or text me.

Most Helpful Girl

  • No, I wouldn't feel okay with it. Well, actually, yes, I would, but there would have to be a really good reason for why they do. Besides that, they better cut off contact out of respect for our relationship. Like, if you can't do that for me, then you don't respect me or the relationship we are in. The issue isn't about trust or lack thereof, but about respect. If I were in a relationship with this guy, I wouldn't trust him and personally, we wouldn't be together. I'm not the type to care to snoop through your phone, but if my boyfriend were to be hiding something and it was obvious, I'd get suspicious. I'm not saying the guy doesn't deserve privacy, but this seems to be taking things a little too far and into very suspicious territory.

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 14

  • i believe everyone is uncomfortable with that... but its not about the communication... its about WHAT they are communication about for me. I don't mind my girl talking to her ex, but i'd get mighty bothered if they start talking about past good memories, planning to meet up... etc.
    im a free spirit and I've got exes too... and potential exes (lol, had to add that)... so i don't really care.

    0|0
    0|0
  • No contact with an ex. That relationship is over. No need to stay in contact. What good does having this person in your life have? Doesn't he have enough other friends? All she is is a direct conflict of interest.

    1|0
    0|0
  • If he is hiding texts, doesn't talk to her infront of u..
    then definitely he is cheating on u...
    there are 2 choices infront of u...
    1. tell him clearly what u want.. that u dont like him talking to her or else u will leave the relation.
    2. if he still contacts her... leave the relation... ur putting up with this bullshit thats why he is continuing this behaviour.
    Be strong and walk away... he is keeping u as back up.. have some value

    0|0
    0|0
  • I see it as more of a respect thing. You can keep in contact with your ex, as long as you are not currently dating another individual. As soon as you started dating someone else, you cut off communication with your ex - unless their are special circumstances... her being is former fiance is not one.
    My ex used to do the same thing - not with her ex, but with a male friend. It didn't bother me at first. One day she asked me to stop talking to a female friend of mine. After explaining to me her discomfort with this friend, I told her I would tone it down. I did. She continued to talk to her male friend, who was clearly flirting with her. She hid and deleted texts. Eventually it stopped. However, I wouldn't put up with it again. There are 3 things I care about in a relationship. Fidelity, honor, and honesty.

    1|0
    0|0
  • All this is happening because you are a rebound... And he may go back to his girlfriend if he thinks he had a chance with her..

    Trust me on this... I'd you are going to let this happen then he will dump you for sure. You have to set boundaries in your relationship...

    He can't talk to his ex and have you too...
    Just dunno this guy.. And protect your heart

    2|0
    0|0
  • I am in kind of the same situation. My girlfriend still talks to her ex's and it makes me worry.. But I told her that I don't feel uncomfortable with her talking to her ex's, besides Istopped talking tto my ex's for her, and she understood. Maybe talk to him about it more? And as far as the not sharing his phone goes.. It doesn't sound right. If he really had nothing to hide, why us he so against you using his phone? If he won't let you see it voluntarily, I'd take a look at it when he had it laid down ssomewhere. Just to see what's going on.

    0|0
    0|0
  • NO. never. it is not ok even a little.
    Who are the worst? women.
    all this bullshit that women keep thinking they can just have men "friends"
    sorry ladies, not ever.

    0|0
    0|0
  • if he wasn't hiding anything then i wouldn't think anything of it but since he is hiding it , it makes me feel there is more to the relationship with the ex that he is not saying. i would try to find out what it is before you go to much farther in the relationship

    0|0
    0|0
  • I have kept in contact with plenty of my exs (the ones that I parted with on good terms).

    There is nothing wrong with that, if you have truly moved on.

    That being said, hiding your phone from your current partner is just wrong. You dont do that when talking to an ex. Period. bc it shows there is something to hide. Him saying you dont trust him is deflecting the blame onto you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Been there, done that and I had a terrible experience. If I'm concerned about the girl's feelings and I cut off all contact with my ex, I expect her to do the same. If she does really want to keep contact with her ex because of whatever reasons then, no problem... I respect her decision but, she's not for me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If they keep in touch by catching up once in a blue moon then fine. If they talk often then nope, don't need that. They might as well date again.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If you trust him, you wouldn't be wondering about whether or not he's staying faithful, nor looking for evidence to accuse him with.

    If you don't trust him, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship with him in the first place.

    0|0
    0|0
  • "Would you feel comfortable with your boyfriend/girlfriend talking to their ex? "

    No.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Only if it's hooking up. Not much more than that. Ex can be good friends too.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 7

  • Well, it seems like you've kinda talked to him about it. Tell him you really don't like it when he talks to his ex. That it makes you feel like your not enough for him.
    But maybe his ex is his best friend. You can still be friends after you break up and move on but if it's getting out of hand, tell it to him straight.
    I hope this helps!
    Anymore questions, just ask

    0|0
    0|0
  • Sommetimes you have to. Exs can be friends. But when it comes to hiding your phone like that it is suspicious

    0|0
    0|0
  • I would not even cool with that.

    0|0
    0|0
  • you're not being controlling, people should not be in contact with an ex unless of course they have a kid. The fact that he is hiding his phone is a big red flag. The only reason, in my opinion that someone keeps in touch with an ex other than sharing a child is that he or she still wants them either sexually or to be back together. I would tell him to either stop contacting this ex and block her or dump him. Find someone who lives in the present and not the past.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Hell no. I wouldn't want him talking to her or seeing her nothing. I don't associate with my exs I walk right past them without even looking in their direction.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Nooo if he really cares about you he would end it

    0|0
    0|0
  • If he can't be open about his relationship with anyone else, it's a problem. Why does he keep her in his life? There are reasons people hold on to relationships. His reasons may not be very innocent. You deserve to have him fully, and if he can't do that for you then it might be better just to move on..

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...