Does the relationship need closure if we haven't properly broken up?

Me & my boyfriend of 9 month haven't officially split.

The short story is, I messaged him saying that maybe we want different things. I felt like he wanted something a bit more casual (not physically).

He mentioned that we've never said I love you, even though he said it to me once, months ago. The next day he was being ok with me and messaging me normally, but he's been sick & doesn't want to see anyone. (He was feeling ill last time i saw him). Bronchitis maybe. Haven't seen him in over 2 weeks. He said maybe we could meet up last weeend to clear the air, but we didn't because he got worse.

I spoke to him Sunday to see if he was OK & he said "Not really. Still in bed. But better. Really hope you're ok, but I've been so ill & I'm useless. I'm really sorry."

He might feel unwell, but he isn't fighting for us. But I don't know if he knows it's over. Do I move on silently, or send him a message saying its obviously not working? Sunday was the last time I spoke to him & he hasn't been online.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Out of curiosity, what do you personally mean by "Not fighting for us" do you fight you guys, it seems to me I read this a lot and it's like a woman has the expectation that a guy has to fight for them, yet she sits back and acts in an entitled manner, if you love d the guy and valued the relationship, then you would have to participate wouldn't you? If you expect him to do all the work, then he may not feel like he's making any progress, and so he may feel disenchanted, because although you two are in a relationship it's seems to be treated on your end more like a title not like something you need to nurture. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't see where you were trying to make things work, relationships are give and take, it takes two to make them work. If he doesn't have his heart into it, then you are doing something wrong.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Wait until he is better! what do you mean by casual (not physical) - are you talking about like a serious relationship that eventually builds towards marriage? You shouldn't rush things, and it definitely sounds like you guys haven't talked about it properly. If I were you I wouldn't be so quick to give up hope, maybe he just wants to take things slow... but you won't know unless you talk about it and are fully open with one another. To me it sounds like he isn't fighting for you because he doesn't feel like it's over... I mean I could be wrong... but it all comes down to what has and hasn't been said. The question is... Do you want to be with him? If yes well you can works things out hopefully, and like I've said like 5 times already, you just need to talk... don't go into the conversation with intentions on ending things, see what he has to say first and see if you can work things out :) Good luck!

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    • Well I don't know if it was the right thing to do, but I messaged him on Saturday that we're not communicating & obviously something is wrong. I don't want to talk through the phone, but haven't seen you in ages & he never answered my call before, but text me back. I said I hope he's feeling alright now, but maybe it;s best we just go our separate ways.

      He didn't respond. i have no idea what he thinks, f he's really still ill. I have some of his things & don't know what to do with them.

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    • Well it doesn't sound like he can face seeing me, as he wrote:

      "I'm out of order but can't bare to break up or deal with this. Seeing you upset will haunt me. So I'm crap. And so sorry. There are no other 'girls.' or anything like that. I've been really ill. And can see i need to sort my life out. It's a really big mess & being with you is unfair for you & hard for me to cope with everything. I understand you being angry & I am too as I really do like you & think the world of you. I'm not cold & forgetful. This hurts every time I think about it."

      So I just replied that i understand what he's saying & I want hi to be happy & feel better soon. It kills me that I can't see him, & this is how it has to be, but what can I do? I'm trying not to contact him & he hasn't been online.

    • Well he still wants to be with you, but is having a tough time most likely more of a mental thing which can in turn make him feel sick, the only thing you can do if you want things to continue is wait for him, for when he's ready, be patient, and maybe even send him a get better package with small goodies and stuff, its not too intrusive, it'll let him know you still care and that you're there for him when he needs you. There is no need to rush things, he clearly said he still likes you, therefore wants to keep going with things but is clearly going through some stuff, and if you want to keep things going and are patient enough, the best thing you can honestly do is support him, don't ignore him or wait for him to start a conversation, he probably wants someone who he can talk to in this time of hardship, just a simple hi, how's your day been etc. you don't need to dwell on the situation at hand just make light conversation so that he knows you're there if he wants to reach out to you

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What Guys Said 2

  • I'd just wait until he gets back on his feet, then meet up and do all this in person.

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  • just leave it with the final text if he isn't acting in a way you desire out of a relationship tell him why your leaving him and if he decides he wants to change SURE he'll come running after you

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What Girls Said 2

  • I would say so. But its time to let go. Find closure in yourself!

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  • You gotta tell him asap. If i were you i already would hav

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