Is this typical rebound behavior or real deal?

My ex of one year broke up with me 2 months ago. Said he fell out of love with me because I wasn't the girl he fell in love with anymore. Weight gain caused depression and I withdrew, so his claim is somewhat validated. Asked to move in together thinking it would make him happier with me and he ended it 3 weeks after getting the apartment. Days after the breakup he started talkign to another girl and they have been in a relationship for a month now. She appears to be very opposite of me and they appear to be moving at a rapid pace. They have put their "I love you's" out on facebook, tagging each other in mushy crap, etc. He always said he hated couples like that and even his family and friends verified that with me. I was not affectionate enough towards him, stopped letting him see me naked, and just wasn't very emotional enough I guess. All stems from the weight gain and from being single for a very long time. He made seeminly joking remarks about wanting me to inittiate more intimacy and affection and I didn't take it seriously. 3 weeks after the breakup he was coming around to the idea of working on things, stayed with me for 3 nights and then went cold again. Started dating this girl. I wish we had been able to work on things together, but seems he didn't want to. He said he needed to not see or talk to me for awhile and moved out and is now in this "teenage love" type relationship where they seem to be obsessed with each other. She's 19 and he's 22 and I'm sure she showers him with affection and adoration, which i didn't so I'm sure he's eating that up. She also was in love with her ex and tried to work it out with him just over a week before they started dating and now she's "so in love" with my ex and posting how she can't wait to spend the rest of her life with him. Just wondering if this is more of a rebound relationship and he hasn't really moved on or if its the real deal and he has moved on. Or maybe they are rebounding together?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Perfect example of a rebound. Leave him be until it fizzles lol

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • It's hard to say. If he started losing attraction for you while in the relationship due to you withdrawing and not being affectionate with him anymore, it's possible that he had moved on almost completely, if not entirely, by the time you actually broke up. But then again it kind of seems like what they have is a rebound relationship since they're moving very fast. On the other hand they could also be moving fast because that's how well they click and he has missed feeling that way with someone.
    BUT. All in all I don't think any of it matters. It's none of your business. Thinking about it won't help you move on and it won't help you heal. You need to stop focusing on him, what he's doing, who he's seeing, if he's over you etc. and start focusing on yourself instead. You're not doing yourself any favors at all by spending this much time thinking about him. It's just preventing you from moving on and focusing on yourself and your own issues.

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    • Two weeks before they started dating he had come back into my rooms and we spent 4 days together, him saying he wanted to fall back in love with me. So two weeks before they got together he still had enough feelings to maybe want to work it out. Then he went cold and wanted to move out because he said he needed to not see or talk to me for awhile. I had dropped my guard after the breakup because at that point I felt like I had nothing else to lose. Since then we haven't spoken and I've been going to the gym and working on my issues. I still want to work things out in the future and I'm hoping that when he sees me doing good and being the girl he fell in love with again, that he will want to work things out.

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    • I feel like you're getting your hopes up a bit too much. You have to realize that he might not ever come back to you again, even if you go back to being your normal self. And what's going to happen then? Are you just going to stop putting effort into working on yourself? Because that's a very likely scenario if you're doing this mainly because you want him back. And that's not healthy.
      You should really try your hardest to block him out of your mind. Don't do things because of him, or for him. Do things for yourself, for your own health, for your own good. Stop thinking about him so hard because ultimately it might be your downfall if he doesn't come back to you.

    • I started doing things for him, now I'm doing it for me. I have to do it for me and for any chance at a future with anyone, not just him. If I do the same thing in the next relationship that person will eventually leave too. I felt like even though he wasn't in love with me, he still had feelings there. He admitted he still had feelings & he probably always would. I thought that and the fact that he said he needed to not see or talk to me for awhile was a signal that there are still feelings. I get that he may never want to come back and work on things. To me it seems so stupid to throw an otherwise great relationship away because he couldn't bring up my issues to me. Seems like something that probably could have been easily worked on together. That's what makes it so hard to let go.

  • It sounds like it is irrelevant as you will not get him back. You dont appear to have worked on any of the issues you left him for which are all perfectly valid?

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    • I have worked on a lot of the reasons why he left me. I'm down 25lbs and feeling better about myself. As far as me learning to be more affectionate, I can't really do anything about that on my own. I've been trying to get back to myself and being happy with myself in hopes that he'll see the girl he fell in love with and want to come back if this current relationship fails. Two weeks before they started dating he told me he wanted to fall in love with me again, so he couldn't have been completely moved on before he started dating her. And she was in love with someone else the week before they started dating too.

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    • Yes, but we started fast and made it a year. Probably would have made it longer if I hadn't shut down on him and also let life get in the way. The last 2 months of the relationship was basically seeing each other long enough to say goodnight and then hanging out on the weekends. And when we moved in together the man who raised me was critical in the hospital for almost all of the tree weeks the ex chose to try to stick it out. I hadn't even unpacked my clothes yet because I wasn't home. He never gave moving in together a chance and it was his idea.

    • Sounds like he got scared he was committed in a problematic relationship. Just sort yourself out each day at a time. Taking time out will stop the flash fire n either it will burn out or keep going. My bed and I are slow burners n it works

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