Would you stay married if you found out that your husband married you out of convenience?

I have been married for over 10 years. We have no kids. Things were never great, sometimes ok, sometimes bad.
Recently, he told me that he married me out of convience and not wanting to look for someone else.
I used to love him madly but throughout the years my love for him just went away because I have always suspected that he didn't love me as much as I loved him.
I'm seriously considering leaving him. Should I?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Marriage has nothing to do with being "in love". It is about finding a life partner. Emotions are way to fickle to base a relationship on. Things like trust, respect, and compatibility are way more important.

    A lot of people feel pressured into getting married when their friends start all getting married. They figure it is time they got a life partner of their own. The two of you have been married for ten years. His reasons for marrying you just don't matter at this point.

    What he thinks and what he does are two very different things. You need to decide if he has been a good husband for the past 10 years or not, and stop worrying about what went on in his head ten years ago. If he is mistreating you or something like that, then I can understand why you would want to get divorced, but not over the reason you are giving us.

    People get married for reasons similar or worse than that all the time. Some women have admitted to me they married their husbands just to escape their controlling parents. Some guys get married just to lock down a woman so they can have a steady supply of sex. People get married for money all the time. Marriage is rarely about being in love for both people.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm really sorry that this is happening! That is a terrible thing to say to anyone. How can he say that he married you out of convenience?

    I would have a hard time staying married to someone like that. Like how could he not even consider your emotions? That's a very selfish move. Most people want to get married to someone they love, not just out of convenience.

    I would suggest some marriage therapy. Hopefully that can help turn things around. You don't deserve to be stuck in a loveless marriage.

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What Guys Said 6

  • He just "settled" for you? I don't know... it would have been nice if he had told you that from the start, instead of spending the last 10 years of your life with someone who could basically take you or leave you!

    If I were you, I'd be hurt and upset all at the same time. I don't show emotions much either, BUT, there IS a level of passion I purposely show my wife. I WANT her to know how I feel about her and our relationship.

    Would I stay married? That's an extremely difficult decision. Given your age and what I know of life at mine, I think I might get divorced. I don't think I'd want to be married to someone who just did it because he felt he "had to" for a convenience. What a totally dumb reason to get married!!!

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  • Seriously!.. Get a Divorce ASAP...
    You know... 10yrs is long enough time to learn to love someone..
    And passion and love isn't natural! You need to learn to create romance seduction!.. And other things work and keep your body hat, both of you learn to use words! .. Have hot sex..

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  • i dont think a marriage should be abandoned until you've tried to resolve or rekindle it.

    marriage counseling would be a good place to start.

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  • "things were never great... i used to love him madly" how does that fit together. i don´t get it.

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    • I know this doesn't make sense but hear me out. When we met it was a love at first sight for me. I was truly attracted to him and was to naive to realize that he doesn't feel the same way.
      I have always thought that he might be a bit shy and that's the reason he was never really affectionate, etc.
      Today I know that he couldn't be because he didn't feel those things for me. I guess I'm not the brightest person when it comes to relationships. I let myself down a big time and now I'm trying to learn the lesson for the better future.

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    • I agree. And if we happen to be insecure we might even ruin an excellent relationship because we doubt that anyone would care about us.
      I'm reflecting on what happened to me before I was married. There was a someone who cared about me a lot but I was too insecure to believe that his feelings were true

    • Wow yeah that really sucks.

  • That's too bad ! What do you mean convenience? It sounds like you should look out for yourself !!

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    • It means that it was just convenient to get married versus looking for someone new to start a life with. He also said that at the time all his friends were getting married so he figured why not him.

    • oh, yep he is warped and very cold maybe a sociopath... unless he said that out of anger? You know what you want... time to go get it !!!

    • He didn't say it out of anger. He never gets angry or emotional. Sometimes I wonder if he's a human because he doesn't show any emotions. Ever

  • no lol I mean not going to marry , being married is being islaved, fuck those bithxews

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What Girls Said 11

  • You need to go. You wasted 10 years already. Just walk away.

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  • moat people do, bc no one is left or bc they worry they'll run out of options in future, for they are moving new location new job and need a sense of familiarity and a maid.. thats one if the reasons marriage never appealed to me.

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    • by the way not wanting top look for anyone else, doesn't mean convenience., sometimes its just like 'wow, this is it. this is who i want;.

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    • most* not moat.

    • hmm.. well wanting to marry now is usually how it wooers. its how someone can break up with one person than be married the next year to someone else. marriage happens for many when they want it not bc of who they want. thats very typical. you could leave over that would- but it speaks to commencement of most marriages. i think.

  • Make him leave you. So you won't have to pay for any divorce papers and etc. And always have proof that he said that so he won't take shit from you if he gets a lawyer. Recored it. but yah if i was you I'd leave him. I'd rather be married to someone who loves me than someone who just uses me.

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  • People use to marry for convenience back in the day. But its 2016. If your not happy now, than you need to get ur happiness somewhere else. He sounds like he's not happy either. Leave him, go find the man your ment to be with. You deserve it. Lifes too short.

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  • If you aren't interested in therapy together then Yup. Life is long and arduous without passion.

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  • Noooo

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  • You should leave. Try your luck at finding a guy who loves you for you, not just cz ur there.

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  • Yes that's harsh to tell someone it's like your whole marriage was a lie

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  • That is a terrible thing to say to your spouse. I can't believe he told you that! With what he told you, and you not having that same affection for him anymore, you are better off going separate ways. I believe you will find someone who values you and loves you very much! Best of luck!!

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  • Here is the thing. Normally I would tell you to drop him if he said a horrible thing like that. But out of all the married or divorced people I've talked to, the ones who are still happily married said that when things got rough like this, they made a choice to work through it and that is why they are still together. The divorced ones decided to walk away. If he is not treating you well physically or emotionally, then leave. If things are never great and he refuses to work then you've done your best. But if he says he has caught feelings, or if he is willing to talk through it and work with you, maybe give it another shot. If you are truly unhappy and are too turned off by what he said (which is indeed wrong), then do what makes you happy.

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  • Yes... go be happy

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