Why did he end things after over a year of being together? It was so sudden and I'm heartbroken. Why did he do this?

My boyfriend of over a year told me he has been questioning our relationship and feels uncertain, and that he doesn't know if we're what's best for each other. He told me that he still loves me and is in love with me, but that we should spend some time apart (aka, breakup) and he hopes the feelings go away and that when he "comes begging on his hands his knees" that I'll accept him back. The last thing he ever texted me was "I love you so much." Up until this whole breakup thing, our relationship was as good as anybody's. We had talked about getting married, being together forever, our hopes/dreams, etc., all of those things that made everything seem like we were on the same page. All of a sudden, last week, he didn't want to see me anymore and I had no idea he was feeling this way.

In addition, his dogs still are staying at my house because his apartment doesn't allow dogs, but it's been over a week since he ended things and he has not said one thing since the breakup and that was "I'll make arrangements to get the dogs out of there as quick as I can.". He hasn't come to get any of his belongings (more than just a toothbrush, he has valuable things that I know he cares about getting back), and so I'm just completely confused by what is going on.

Why did he do this? Is there any hope for us? Should I reach out and see how he feels?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sounds like he got some new pussy, to me. How much has he played the field? Because that's generally important. People have to know what's out there.

    Only thing you can do is wait and see. Don't contact him. Don't talk to him at all. Some time apart could be good for the relationship, actually. Really, it's the only saving grace of the relationship. If he spends some time apart, then realizes "Oh, I really miss her." Then there you go. But, if you go desperately clawing at his heels, then he'll be like "shit, come on."

    After some time, then asking him what is going on would be best, in my opinion. After a couple weeks, you need to understand exactly what his issue with the relationship is. But, the fact that he didn't tell you exactly what was wrong with the relationship leads me to believe that he's got a different girl. Or maybe he wants to go out, get laid, then come back. Or maybe he didn't want to actively cheat on you, so he proposed some "time apart", so it wouldn't technically be cheating. I've done stuff like that before.

    In any case, only thing you can do is accept his proposal, at this point, in my opinion. Seeming desperate--right now--wouldn't be a good thing, in my opinion. Giving him some time, then trying to get in contact with him to determine why exactly he needed that time, would be best, in my opinion.

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    • Thanks for your response - it helps to get a male perspective. The thing is, he has already been married, divorced, had several girlfriends and is 30 years old so I don't think he is necessarily interested in playing the field, especially when he was talking about me becoming his wife one day (and that was just weeks ago) but I know guys do things like that so it could be a possibility. But based on how much I think I know him, and the way he genuinely cried when he was telling me all of this, I just don't know about the cheating thing, but of course that's what a girl will tell herself to make the pain go away, so i don't know. In some ways, I almost wish he would just have said, I like someone else because at least I would know for sure that it's over and that he doesn't love me anymore, and it would be easier to be mad at him and get over it, but instead, the last thing he said was "I love you so much".
      Thanks though!

    • Mmm. In that case, maybe he's got some personal issues that he doesn't want to get you caught up in. Some time apart isn't a breakup. Like you said, you'd know with a breakup. Clearly, he is questioning the relationship, but it's not completely dead, yet. From what you've said, I guess going for a different chick might be unlikely. Maybe he's in some trouble or something. He gamble or associate with less-than-reputable people, that you're aware?

      np

Most Helpful Girl

  • Sounds to me likes he's getting cold feet about the next level of commitment.. things have been going really great.. next step is to move in together and live as a common law couple. It's causing him to question whether building a future together with you is really what he wants right now. Maybe he has other things he always dreamt he'd do with his life that he hasn't done yet and with things getting serious with you, he may never get to do them. Things like that.

    My advice would be to give him some space and time to think. I know it's hard, but I think that's the best thing you can do if you want this to work out in the end. He needs to think and if you put too uh pressure on him for answers you could push him away completely.

    Best of luck and I hope it works out for you!

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    • Exactly what I would have said, follow this advice. She knows what she's talking about. :)
      Well done Sara... :)

    • Thanks so much for your insight. Part of me feels like this is what it is because I know in my heart that all of those things he said about being together, he meant them, and they were literally just days before he suddenly needed a break, and so I hope that by me giving him time and space, he will figure out what he needs to be happy. The other part of me is just frantically worrying that the love of my life just doesn't want me anymore and that even if he does love me, there's something wrong with me that people who love me don't want to even stay, and I guess that just hurts too much to think about.

      Thanks for your help

    • You're welcome and also keep in mind he may feel exactly the way you do. Don't be surprised if he thinks you're too good for him and he is not in a place to provide for you yet.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Oh my darling, I'm sorry.
    You can ask him about his things...
    My advise would be to spill your heart if you want him back... But if he is unreceptive, let him know you are sorry, but you don't deserve this treatment and he needs to get his stuff because you are erassing him from your life.
    I know, a hard road, but there is no easy road to break up... But you can make it harder on yourself than need be.
    The truth is, you do deserve better, you deserve a man that knows what he wants... and knows that what he wants is you.

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  • He probably has his eye on someone else. It sucks I know, but you're better off just moving on.

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