How do I ask my ex for closure? What's the best way to gain closure when meeting?

What is the best way to ask for closure? Am I supposed to send a friendly text? Do I ask to meet to have lunch to talk or am I to ask to meet him (and possibly meet him at his dorm or him at my dorm) for more privacy? How do I broach the subject? What should I avoid? AND what's the best way to gain closure? What questions would be good to ask? How do I convince him to reconsider our relationship without being pushy or sounding desperate, or maybe even outright asking if I can avoid it?

So it has been 6 months since our break up (which lasted 6 mo) so it's been a while. I wanted to talk to my ex to patch things up in the past, but I found that whenever I would try this he would be rude to me or turn me away and that would set me off and I would lash out at him. It upset me, I would have to remind him that he was the one who ended things and that despite me being angry about the break up I don't feel the need to hurt him. I had told him that I thought the relationship was positive, that I had no negative things to say about him, and that I wish him well but he's treating me like I cheated on him. It was a good relationship but he made it ugly with his attitude and his need to hurt and punish me in front of other people.

So, now, after 3 months of not contacting him (except for the forced hello when I see him), I feel like I'm somewhat emotionally ready to talk to him and have a mature conversation. What should I do?


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What Guys Said 2

  • It sounds like you aren't even sure what to even ask him. What is that you really want to know that you think will give you closure? Surely he's told you why you guys broke up, yes? Asking him why will likely only get you the same answer he gave you before. And asking him why he's acted the way he has since the breakup is not going to result in either an answer that you will like, will understand, or even be something that just outright doesn't make sense even to him. It sounds like you guys just aren't on good terms anymore... wanting to fix a relationship, even if only temporary to talk things out, takes two to tangle. Even if you want to meet him halfway in that simple talk, there's no guarantee he will, even if you calmed yourself to have a mature conversation. This is even more likely if you've lashed out; it leads me to think he will not even WANT to talk to even a calm you.

    Now, you said that you're emotionally ready to talk. But as I said, I don't think a mature conversation is going to happen here, no matter what you have to say. If you're emotionally ready to talk, then you may be ready to start moving onto better things.

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    • He's just done so much damage and it all hurts. He dumped me without telling me why. I don't know how to move on.

    • So he didn't give a reason... Sorry it had to be that way. I understand how not knowing can just kill you. The best I can say on that is this: you don't need a reason anymore. Yes, you're hurt. I imagine your thoughts go back to how you two were and wondering where it could've gone wrong, but you need to understand that he's not the one that'll patch up your wounds. You are and you will. He's not some part of who you are anymore, so it's best that you go and reevaluate/remember who you are. Meaning:
      What were your interests, hobbies, favorite places to hangout, things to do. Go back to those things that made you happy before he did. Surely you have them and I doubt 100% of the things you did/liked you shared with him. Distance yourself from him by doing the things that you loved that maybe he just sorta tolerated or had no opinion of. Or start anew: pick up a new hobby or sport or anything that you've always been interested in. You could use a fresh start to get that sense of new beginn

    • Thank you, this was so helpful :)

  • Don't have the conversation nothing will come of it that'll make you feel better. It didn't work get over it

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What Girls Said 1

  • If my ex didn't give me closer when they broke up with me I wouldn't ask for it in return. I would just move on, there's no point in asking. Having the conversation just might be awkward. If it didn't work it didn't work, move on.

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