My Ex is trying to get me back, what do I do?

Ok so my ex messaged me last night. We've been broken up for 1 month and I broke it off because of his behaviour towards me. He decided he was going to his friends wedding without even telling me I wasn't invited, he just booked it off of work. He said he was going to tell me but when I was next to him I saw a date drafted on his phone, I asked him about it and he changed the topic. I said no why have you got that on your phone and he then explained I wasn't invited, when I got upset he told me to stop being silly. His excuse for me not being invited was due to budget, when I said he could of offered to pay for me he then changed it and said it's due to her only wanting family there!

We have several issues and most of them revolve around her. I said he can be friends with her but I don't want anything to do with her. Mainly cause they've been taking coke together for the past 10 years and promised he wouldn't do it again. But he also promised me he wouldn't go to her wedding without me and he is still going even after saying he wants me back and he's going to a rave which he told me he wouldn't be going to anymore raves when we were together.

He said if we get married she'll be there, if we get a house she'll be coming over and if we had kids I should imagine she'd be like an Aunty. I said that's unfair on me and he didn't care how I felt.

After saying I didn't want anything to do with her he said do you want kids, I said I'm unsure and he knows this. We're living with our parents, not even engaged, and can't afford a place. And I'm 22 I said I Deffo don't want them yet if at all and he said he wants them more than anything.

He wants to talk through all of this but I don't see him changing his mind or even meeting me half way on any of it? I tried comprising before and he wouldn't have it. There's been more than this going on. She text him do you wanna be my date (winky face) when the were organising an event together. Also loads of faces blowing kisses too!

Updates:
One week after the break up he went back onto the dating site I found him on 1 yr into our relationship. He made a new one and has been active every day! He isn't meeting them as far as I can tell but he's chatting to women on there.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Seems like you already know you should stay away from him. He's not dropping this woman out of his life and that seems to be a dealbreaker to you since you don't want anything to do with her. He has been lying to you, he never seems to want to compromise and everything is always about him and his wishes. You also seem to have different futures envisioned. He wants babies and you're unsure because you're still young. He's even talking about marriage and houses already. Seems like he's way ahead of you and that's not good either.
    Relationships are give and take. But with him, it's only take. You're also not on the same page and you clearly don't trust him. Tell him to leave you alone.

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    • Ye it's just her morals and everything. She smoked whilst pregnant, I said she shouldn't be doing that and he defended her, saying it's her choice and doesn't change who she is. Ye he tends to twist the truth a lot or just flat out lie, think the cocaine and ecstacy play a part in that.
      No that's a fair point, I mean I don't mind getting married young but I said I'm happy with my parents still. I never really got to see my family/friends cause he'd always get funny with me and make it a big deal when I wanted time with them. I said I'd wait until the wedding had passed in a month to even talk to him about any of it.

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    • Also when he messaged me this he was active on his dating site profile. It said online now whilst he was telling me how much he loved and missed me. He hasn't met any of them as far as I'm aware, he's chatting to them cause he wants company I expect.

    • Don't fall for his words and keep your distance. Block him.

What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 3

  • I think you already know what you want and what is best for you. You don't really need our opinions. I think you did the right thing by breaking up with him, and if you don't think he'll change then he obviously won't. Move on with your life, you deserve better.

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    • Thank you for your input. I think it's just hard because I still have feelings but know that he's not good for me. I wish he had contacted me a few months later when I've completely healed myself and wouldn't look back. The only thing I'm holding onto is the fact there are some feelings still there. The thing is he knows that he's contacted me just in time that I wouldn't be over it yet.

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    • Thank you so much! It's been really hard but I haven't made any contact myself. I feel like I'm getting stronger as time passes. I know everyone has probably been through this, I never realised how difficult it is. It's gonna be hard when we speak in a month to tell him I can't do it anymore but I know that you're right.

    • It is extremely hard, but we all go through it and in the end we are stronger and smarter.

  • Just do you and be yourself. In fact it seems like after reading your questions that you already know what to do and what is best for you. Always go with your gut it is never wrong. If been in that situation before, we all have trust me. It hurts like heck but once you get past it you will feel so much better. Relationships require two people on the same page putting in equal work. Not someone that just loves to take in a relationship and never give back in return. I think you are doing the right thing, don't stop just keep moving on and keep doing what you are doing. Keep your distance from him and do not fall for anything he says or does. He's doing that because he thinks he can play with your feelings, don't let him you are a human being you deserve respect.

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    • Thank you so much! I found out that he's trying to meet up with another women! Even after I said in a month after the wedding he's going too that we could talk. He said that he felt like it was time to meet someone new to the women he's currently talking too.. also that we spilt up 3 months ago which isn't true as we split only a month ago! Also that he wants to date and see what happens but his main goal is a relationship. I couldn't believe it but he's just given me all the closure I need.

    • He contacted me asking to chat and I said let's wait until this wedding had passed which is partly what causes our break up. So he said that he misses me and still loves me and now this... I'm so done.

    • I'd be done to and I'd keep doing moving forward. When they see how well you are doing without them that's when they want you back, trust me.

  • If that guy is putting his female friend before you, I don't think you will be able to change his mind. Don't bother trying to change him because he won't. You never put a friend of the opposite sex before your partner. That's very disrespectful to you, so I would suggest moving on from him. A good guy who appreciates you will come along :)

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    • I agree, he won't change. I know it's wrong but he gave me the password to his old dating site which I found him on 1 yr into our relationship. He said to take him off of it so I did. He created a new one 1 week after we split, I shouldn't have but I logged in just to see if he was bored and just chatting for company. I wouldn't have been bothered I'd he hadn't asked for me back! He wasn't just chatting out of boredom and has organised a date with one of them... He even lied about never being on a dating site before and how long it had been since we split. I said we could talk in a month after the wedding and he's dating people already! I've made my decision now but what do I say to him? Do I let him know that I know or just say I'm moving on without letting on that I know about all of this?

    • If I were you I'd let him know! Im currently trying to get over a cheater/liar, and after 6 years I can tell you they don't change at all. If anything, they get worse because they get away with it all (forgiving and being back with them). So don't do it. You can find someone a lot better. Let him know that you found out about it so he won't try to cover up the truth, and that way you have proof.

    • Thank you! 6 years? Damn that's a long time, im sorry to hear that you've been going through all the lies and deceit for that long. Yes I shall tell him. I've had some people telling me not too but I feel that he would just try and get me back again and it would never end. It'll give us both the closure which we need and he'll know that I know the truth about him. I feel so sorry for the next girl but I guess there's not much I can do about that.

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