He's "not ready for a relationship" what should I do?

I was seeing a guy for 7 months, we were not actually together but acted like we were. A month ago he ended things due to "not being ready for a relationship" (he has a lot of things going on personally), even though a week before we were absolutely fine, we never really argued and spoke practically everyday.. He doesn't want to loose me and still wants us to be friends, we haven't spoken in 3 weeks and I miss him so much :( What should I do? Continue with no contact and move on or try and fix things with him?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Maybe he needs more time to really understand what he wants in life. You should definitely try to talk to him and try to fix things.

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    • Thanks for your comment :)
      I do want to speak to him but I have no idea what to say?

Most Helpful Girl

  • I mean, I'm not understanding why you stopped talking to him. You mean there was no communication from either side or what? But if you can't handle just being friends with him, then you should distance yourself. Being around him will only make you miss him more and be upset that you aren't together. Not many people can just 'be friends' at the end of a break up, I know I can't. But if you think you can handle it, then talk to him. You really have to analyze yourself and see how you feel about. There's really no 'fixing' anything because he already told you he doesn't want a relationship. I will say this, though, usually when you stop all communication, the relationship doesn't come back together. Usually, not always. But there's still that chance the communications gets your hopes up and in the end, he still wants to be friends and date someone else. So you have to determine for yourself which is the worst case scenario for you.

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    • Thanks for your comment :)
      I told him being his friend would be too difficult for me because he means more to me then a friend, he was very understanding of that but nearly started to cry saying that he doesn't want to lose me? His last relationship didn't end well so I can't tell whether he just genuinely isn't ready or he just doesn't want to be with me personally and has tried to end it nicely 😶

    • This is just my experience, but usually when a guy says he's not ready for a relationship, it's really that he's not ready for a relationship. Most guys that I know of, and I know it doesn't apply to all, tend to just tell you if they don't want you anymore. I think he still has feelings for you but doesn't have a place in his life right now for a relationship. But there's no promise that when he is ready for one that he's going to still want to be with you is all I'm saying. So it's really your choice. I can't really tell you what you should do. You have to weigh the good and the bad with yourself.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Sounds like he's a bit afraid of the commitment.
    It'd probably be best to just talk it out, see what's goin' on in his head.

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    • Thanks for your comment :)
      Im worried about talking to him because I don't want to seem needy 😞

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    • But that's what he's done? He told me he cares so much about me, and I do believe that, yet it seems like he's just forgotten all about me so easily

    • I don't really have any experience with this sorta thing. Sorry :x

What Girls Said 4

  • Guys who aren't ready now will (generally speaking) never be ready. Not for you anyway. I know because I've heard the same lie. You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still that one person who doesn't like peaches. You have to ask yourself if you really want to be with someone who can't see your worth. Leave him behind, honestly, he's not worth it.

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  • If he's not ready you can either wait on him and be his friend or you can choose to move on he probably just needs some space but I'm sure when he is ready you guys will be able to work everything out. Cheering For You :)

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  • I am going through this very thing really guy now too except I stuck around for over 2 years hoping he'd change. How idiotic of me, I have now learned that when someone (whether it's a man or a woman, doesn't matter) says their not ready for a relationship to take them at their word & move onto someone who does. We deserve that, don't you think? :)

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    • Thanks for your comment :)
      Sorry that you've had to go through that 🙁 You're right, we do deserve that :) I guess I was hoping he would change, he used to tell me that we would be together eventually.. I just don't understand why he suddenly changed his mind 😞

    • I think when it becomes "real" to them and they're not ready is when they bail out. :(

  • Move on. What's there to fix? He's not ready for a relationship, and that hasn't changed, so there's really nothing to discuss. You're better off not staying in contact and being friends with him (which never really works since feelings are involved) because that will only make it harder for you to move on. Which you need to do if you want to find a guy you're just as great or better with who also does want to be in a relationship with you.

    Good luck.

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    • Thanks for your comment :)
      You've basically just told me what all my friends are saying haha.
      I've never met anyone like him before, sounds cheesy but we really connected, I just don't want to lose what he had but I guess I'll just have to try and let go..

    • No problem! Yeah, it might be different if he was reconsidering and open to a relationship, but since he isn't, it's only prolonging the inevitable by staying in contact. I'm sure he was a good guy, but you'll meet other amazing people in your life too. All the best.

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