I don't know what to do. I want him back. anyone else had similar situation?

me and my ex seem to began to rekindle things in December. dinners, spent time, talking more, a lot more affectionate from him. even dedicated my favourite song to me at one of his gigs.

At his last gig mine and his status was raised to me off his friends i didn't know what to say.
he became silent after this then 2 weeks later saying we had to talk (uh oh)
i would only talk face to face he began to push text. i was so angry. he had pulled me back in to do this to me again. he decided he was coming over after work to "cuddle and talk things out"

he came over he just swooped me up kissing my head saying sorry. he felt like he was holding back my life and didn't have time to dedicate to a relationship. he knows he hurts me. he's known all the time i want a relationship. swhy drag it out for 4 months more, i knew why i done it was because i loved him. he then told me he loved me to.

he wants us to still be close. told me how his pals thought the world of me, wants me to still come hang. i said it would only work the day i stop loving him, i have to force to stop. i needed to block him from my life to heal.
he said i didn't need to force myself to stop, he be so hurt if i blocked him, asked me not to said how he get if i need space or even decide i can't do it but not to block him.

before he left he said "i love you (full name) i really honestly do" it broke my heart, i understand why its over and to continue us seeing each other with no promise of a relationship is leading me on.

we spoke briefly by text. he said things like he hope i understood, wasn't the end of us being friends, he will be okay once i'm his friend. i said i couldnt speak to him for the time being i was to angry, i needed us not to speak. its been 3 weeks since we spoke.. longest weve not spoke.
i miss him very much, it doesn't feel like it getting easier.
i'm sad he hasn't spoke to me but then again i basically told him not to?
do i try to heal and be his friend in time?
or let him go completely?


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  • I would recommend thinking about what you need and what you want. What is your breaking point? How do you deserve to be treated. If you need a committed relationship that's ok. If you can cope with friends with benefits that's ok too. If you can't be friends with him while you still have feelings that's completely reasonable. Make sure he is clear on exactly what you need (it sounds like you have done this to some point). Don't feel bad or let him convince you into something that's not good for you. I've found taking 3-5 months of separation is a start for redefining the relationship.

    Please remember that you deserve to be with someone that can commit to you. If he can't then he isn't worth your time (no matter how great he is otherwise). With time you can move from being "in love" with him to just "loving" him.

    I should mention that he might really not be in the right place to date you (or anyone). Once you move on and make yourself a priority you might notice he comes back though it could take years. At that point you can decide if you even want him anymore

    Friendship after relationships is possible. It just takes time and boundaries.

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  • It does get easier, it was for the best, you don't want to be in something that will always cause you heart break and confusion, I don't think being his friend right now would be the best idea, you need to focus on you and work on yourself, maybe in the future you will become friends but you're going a good job.

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