Is kissing on the neck cheating? should I forgive after being lied to? ahh, I need advice!!

[Anonymous]

my boyfriend went to Vegas for his birthday with his friends. I was cool with it and was pretty excited for him. on the night of his birthday he was dancing with a woman and she started kissing his neck, so he kissed hers back. kissing someones neck is a very sensual thing, especially with him. I feel like if he had told me right away, I would be able to forgive him pretty easily, but he didn't. for the remainder of his trip he lied and told me that he had an amazing birthday and didn't do anything bad and I believed him.

2 weeks after he got back from Vegas we were talking about his trip and I got a feeling that he was hiding something. after a few hours of me convincing him to be honest & throwing a fit, he finally told me. he said sorry a lot but also kept throwing out excuses saying that it was because he was in Vegas & it was his birthday& was having a good time&was drunk and horny& that that's what he felt like doing at the time, & that he's a man,& that his friends did worse things, etc.

I'm shocked that he did what he did. I know this sounds SO pathetic&dumb, but we've always thought we're soul mates, lol. I know that sometimes sh*t happens, but I think I'm more upset that he lied so many times about it. when he got back from Vegas, he swore a million times about how he was so trustworthy and so good in Vegas and how he's never cheated on me and would never disrespect or hurt me like that.

i just don't know what to do. he's cheated on every single girlfriend he's ever had but swore he's matured and learned from his mistakes since then. he always told me that he never feels the need or desire to cheat on me since he's so in love and feels we're made for each other. not going to lie, we've been having a bit of a rough patch for the past couple of months because he's been busy with lsats &his family,&hasn't been able to give me enough attention but we thought we'd get through it.

since he's been a cheater with his other relationships in the past, I'm worried that the same thing is going to happen with him. I really appreciate him being honest and telling me and I know it was a really really difficult thing for him to do but I just don't know how to react. when he first told me what happeend, I got sooo upset-he tried to comfort me but after I pushed him away, he started getting defensive and said we should break up and that although he loves me, his heart isn't

"in love" with me anymore. he said that he wants us to go on a break so he can sort out his life and that we'll end up getting back together. I'm just really confused because after he said that, he started saying how he didn't want anything to change. he doesn't want me to kiss or become involved with another man, he still wants to be my best friend, go out on dates with me, be romantic with me, all that stuff.

i know everything I wrote probably confused you all but it's just such a complicated situation. I would really appreciate any advice that you guys can give!

thanks!

Updates

+1 y

yeah, I kept asking myself why he would he would cheat-things are really great in the bedroom. I've been on his back though A LOT for the past couple of months about spending time with me, & that's added a lot of stress & tension to the relationship

Updates

+1 y

yesterday he called a lot to check up on me. I didn't answer. I called him back at night&he was hysterically crying&saying he feels bad about hurting me. it shocked me because he's ALWAYS happy. for all the years I've known him, I've never seen him cry.

Updates

+1 y

and thank you all so much for the advice! I really appreciate it! I didn't even think anyone would respond, lol.

[DustBallKid]

Well I believe that a complicated question means that your are looking for a secure solution At least from what this sounds like. Everyone is different what some people consider cheating others might not. From the sounds of it kissing on the neck is very sensual to him, then it might sound like a "small" cheat in my books but it seems to bother you a lot so I would call that a "big" cheat. But you can't attack him about it, from what you say in the post he was trying to apologies to you a lot. Ask him to prove it to you not in a simple dinner or night out something that would bring you two closer and if he truly shows how he cares for you and you feel that then forgive him. I myself just got into my relationship I know I'm just starting out and stuff but Vegas or not I don't think I can ever cheat on my girl she means that much to me. Which also might bring up another thing but it could be saying to much. You have to ask yourself why did he cheat on you & the other girls did he lose interest or heart for them or was he a horny tard? Like see what your doing to much of or to little spice things up a little to get his attention back. Also if there are a lot of arguments and stuff or he feels you to much on him he might want his version of freedom and some guys might be asses about it and be like the want fresh p****. That's why most guy's AND girls would cheat in the first place. I know cause I had a married chick cheat on her husband with me, instead of just taking advantage I showed her a few things. She later thanked me about the advice I gave her cause her relationship with her hubby is better he never found out so its cool.

If this is the first cheat he did on you or you consider a cheat and you still want things to work like give it time let him prove himself, But at the same time start being more aware of him cause if its the first it might or might not happen again. I hope all that made sense and your welcome!

[DustBallKid]

Your welcome I hope the advice gave you enough insight on this situation.

[JaYce_Luff]

oh man if my boyfriend did that to me, id go off on him too..trust me he likes vegas just as much as your boyfriend does..

there should be no excuse of what he did..he knew he f*cked up and as much as he doesn't want to admit it, he's scared... that's the reason why he lied to you..

and about him kissing the other girls neck..if he's exclusive with you and very serious about you, he would've pushed her away and let her know he's with you..but he didn't do it..So what if it was Vegas? what if he's in LA, or Miami, or Colorado, Seatle, Chicago, NY...it won't make a difference...and just because it was his birthday he had no right to do so..

appareantly he's not ready to be in a serious relationship..he said he wanted to take a break and didn't want to see you kiss someone else..he obviously doesn't know what to do and what he want with his life...and if you want to have serious relationship then I suggest you don't stay with him because I feel like he's playing with your emotions..if he wants to go on a break then you should be allowed to do whatever you want..i personally don't believe in breaks..its a shady move..either you break up or stay together..and if he says he loves you like he said he did..he would've never kissed her back..no matter how drunk or horny he is..that was his personal test, to see how much he care about this relationship...but really in the end its your decision..

good luck =]

[Anonymous]

Personally, kissing on the neck is cheating. Like you said it is very sensual and it's foreplay. So him being drunk is an excuse to cover up why he did it. I don't understand the purpose of a break-it's like ur broken up but neither one wants to make it official. It's like his way of saying he wants his cake and icecream too.How can you tell someone you love them but there heart isn't in love with them anymore but yet he doesn't want you to see other guys. Was he drunk when he said that? This clearly means that he is not in love with you meaning that he does not want to be in a relationship with you anymore. One of thw worst thing that a guy can do is lie. So lying about cheating is two wrongs and to wrongs do not make a right. Maybe it's best that you guys take a break but if you do make it clear to him that you will and can do whatever you want because he obviously is going to do the same. I would take that time to clear my head and figure out what you want. Like my girls tell me you need someone who's on their grown man status because he ain't it.

[sparkplug]

First- I believe in soul mates- that does not sound pathetic at all. I also believe that as humans it goes without saying that we all make mistakes. Kissing another woman was a mistake, a big mistake. BUT lying about it for as long and as adamantly as he did is much worse (it was a forced honesty- if you had not pushed the issue you probably would have never known about it).

I will tell you something my mother told me when I started dating- she told me, ".. once a cheater, always a cheater.." I had to find out the hard way how completely true that is. Now you can go on and try to mend this hole he has put in your trust and faith in him and your relationship- which will not be an easy task. Or you can save yourself a lot of worry and heartache and move on. He already said he isn't in love anymore- so end it girl. Too many fish in the sea to spend your life miserable. Once you break it off, you will wonder what took you so long to do it in the first place- I know that's how I felt when I let that sorry cheaters ass go!

Good luck girl.

[DustBallKid]

I have to say about the soul mates I never believed in that cheese mambo jumbo. BUT I just recently met my girlfriend and her and I are just...well no other word to describe it comes to mind but soul-mates. So I have to say I am a believer.

[Cuppycakey]

Yes, he definitely cheated on you. A girl wouldn’t just walk to to him and kiss his neck. They were fooling around, so he betrayed your trust, didn’t think about you, only himself. He’s selfish and does not love you. Then he broke up with you, but he doesn’t want you to see other guys. He’s a real piece of work. Do not believe a word he says and find someone who actually cares about you. Stop making excuses and defending his behavior.

[Anonymous]

The only thing worse then cheating is lying. DUMP HIM.