Did I encounter a narcissistic man?

I met a guy on a dating site. He is 45.
He was very keen straight away and rushed me into a relationship. I do try to have my wits about me but this guy swept me off my feet. The first things I noticed about him was the vast amount of Facebook friends he had, well over 1600. He also played the victim regarding his past relationship but never gave much detail. He also appeared very generous with his spending not just eith me but with others. Buying large rounds and was always on social media posting photos of him as if he was a real fun guy.
He put me on a pedestal. Said I was special and he couldn't believe he'd found me.
Several weeks into it he tells me he usually goes for younger women than myself but hadn't had much luck. And that he had a few people interested in getting with him.
I was a little hurt.
He litirally went from very interested to quiet after I missed a good night text. He sent me a message only to go on a ignore mine. I sensed he was annoyed at me and backed off. He then sends me a messaging saying is he reading too much into the lack of communication. I didn't give much reassurance as I too had become annoyed.
He then cuts me off quite coldly by texting a massive excuse about him thinking its not going to work long term. When I replied I had feelings he goes silent.
I was discarded. No contact has been made and it's as if he'd never met me.
is it possible I was merely just a source of supply?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • To sum up a few key elements of Narcissts:

    1. Hypocrites and a lack of a grasp of reality
    2. Manipulative
    3. Using grouppressure
    4. Are always the victims
    5. Need to find someone to make them feel bad in order to feel less bad themselves
    6. Narcissm always stems out of feeling inferior and therefor is displayed as an superiority complex
    7. Needs to make other peoples lifes as miserable as theirs and worse.
    8. Is in a constant state of panic and angst
    9. Often ends up doing the things to you to make you feel miserable which they are most afraid of
    10. Is nice to you at first just to screw you over greatly later on just to make it look like an accident.
    11. Needs to be in control.
    12. Their craziness is their cover. Outsiders simply would rather believe it being an accident than thinking this person really is this crazy.
    13. Lack of empathy
    14. Overbearing sense of self-importance
    15. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
    16. Requires excessive admiration
    17. Has a very strong sense of entitlement
    18. Is exploitive of others
    19. Is often envious of others
    20. Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
    21. They demonstrate grandiosity in their beliefs and behavior
    22. Expects constant attention
    23. Is arrogant in attitudes and behavior
    24. Has expectations of special treatment that are unrealistic
    25. Takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
    26. Has trouble keeping healthy relationships with others
    27. Are often dramatic
    28. Cannot handle criticism
    29. Often tries to compensate for this inner fragility by belittling or disparaging others

    Potential causes for narcissm:

    - Excessive admiration that is never balanced with realistic feedback.
    - Excessive praise for good behaviors or excessive criticism for bad behaviors in childhood.
    - Overindulgence and overvaluation by parents, other family members, or peers.
    - Being praised for perceived exceptional looks or abilities by adults.
    - Severe emotional abuse in childhood.
    - Unpredictable or unreliable caregiving from parents.
    - Learning manipulative behaviors from parents or peers.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This guy is a loser and insecure. The throwing of feelings, the buying of rounds, the acceptance on social media? All a cover up for the fact that he feels inadequate. He needs to go see a therapist. You're a catch, and I would be happy if I were you, that you managed to avoid this scum long term!

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 18

  • I'd say yes. selfish... yes. Player... possibly.
    playing the victim is kinda of an emotional play to suck you in. It is not a good sign, I'd much rather see someone take a mature stance of their responsibility in it, what they learned, and how they grew. that is healthy sign.

    don't know what to say... sorry. you sound like a sweetheart, I don't like to see this happen. I so wish women could better manage these guys... because they get rewarded for being bad, which causes problems for the rest of us that try to be good.

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    • the other thing I noticed is he said "I have a few people interested in him". That would be a way to make you feel threatned as you'll lose him if you don't make a play for him. user...

      noone should base so much sense upon texts or abandon after a mised text, or mis read one.. but I'm sure that does happen.

      You are cute!

    • I was surprised by the comment as he has well over1600 Facebook friends, yet I met him on zoosk. So if he's so in demand why join a site. I thought he was trying to big himself up...

  • This question caught my eye and I had a look at your other related questions. I think the most important thing for you to do is not think in terms of what you did wrong but rather in how he acted. I am thinking a lot of scenarios but he is either very shallow or a bit damaged, what I mean is he seems to thrive on short term connections for example 1600 facebook friends, that is just adding people making no effort to get to know people. Showing deep interest one second to ignoring you on the back of a perceived slight.
    As I said it could be a number of things but one of the major lessons in life is to learn the necessity of protecting yourself. He seems to have hurt you a lot, is it really worth spending time going over what could have gone wrong instead dust yourself off and try again. Maybe next guy will be worth it and treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

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  • I'm not sure if this guy is a narcissist, but from your description he comes across as very shallow. The slightest little thing he doesn't like upsets him.

    I know you had some feelings for him, but again, from what you describe, I'm glad he's know longer in your life. You deserve a guy who's willing to go the extra steps and take a relationship beyond that initial stage of happiness.

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  • Sounds to me like he has issues with depression? He needs things to be at a constant high, so that he does not feel the lows.

    Hence the sweep you off your feet approach, the parties, the women, once things slowed down to a normal pace, he jumps ship!

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  • doesn't sound narcissistic it sounds like things just happened (miscommunications, hurt feelings, etc) that led to things dissolving.

    it sounds like he was annoyed at an apparent lack of communication and you were too and it sounds like neither of you were able to resolve those feelings of annoyance

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  • You encounter them every day!

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  • 'he is 45'. mid life crisis perhaps?

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  • And here is another story of why the players get the sweet girls.

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  • It does not sound like narcissism, just that things did not work out... he seems like he has a good idea of what he is looking for and came to the conclusion that you are not a good fit for him. This does not mean he is evil or mean or thinks poorly of you, or thinks you are beneath him. Just that once you guys got to know each other a little better that it was not a perfect match made in heaven. And instead of being a dick, and drawing it out, and playing games and using you for sex decided to end it.

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    • He came on fast and strong and we were intimate a lot. I met his son he met my kids then poof it's not for him...

    • Thats not narcissism. Thats getting to know the other person and coming to the conclusion it won't work.

  • If u need a new guy I am right here

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  • Kinda sounded maybe like that he used you for what he wanted and he was done with you he ended it. Sorry 😕 you'll find another great guy soon! 1600 Facebook friends is a little extreme wouldn't you say? Maybe he does this alot?

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  • Yeah that sounds like typical narc traits. I think youve dodged a bullet.

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  • Probably who knows I have people ghost me all the time its worse with girls girls ignore guys like 90%of the time.

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  • When you have too many options, You kinda just choose best one OP. Did he thought you were really hot?

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  • Sure

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  • He's a sociopath.

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    • He's not a sociopath. why is 45 yr old single poor. if it's not Elliot Rodger narcissistic?
      Butthurt.

    • @YBarros these are all traits listed in the DSM-IV, I copied and pasted.

      Callous unconcern for the feelings of others.
      Gross and persistent attitude of irresponsibility and disregard for social norms, and obligations.
      Incapacity to maintain enduring relationships, though having no difficulty in establishing them.
      Very low tolerance to frustration, a low threshold for discharge of aggression, including violence.
      Incapacity to experience guilt or to profit from experience, particularly punishment.
      Markedly prone to blame others or to offer plausible rationalization for the behavior that has brought the person into conflict with society.

      In the OP post she clearly covers every single one of these traits for a sociopath.

  • Im sorry..
    Maybe its yes to your last question.

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What Girls Said 7

  • He sounds more insecure and hurt than narcissic. Im a narcissistic person but I also put people I love on a pedelstal next to me. Give it time, it will either work or won't... but bugging him will push him further into a hole. Just let him figure out what he has going on and play it calm n cool. Sorry, its hard.. but once in awhile just ask him how he's doing and how his day is. If its meant to work, it will find its way to.

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  • You were his fun for the time. He is clearly lineloy and desperate. Thats most guys that rush into a relationship just 2 say they have someone. Not a slight to you but you were an ego builder fit the time. Erase him as best you can move in head held high. That will kill him. Don't even let him know it affected you.

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  • I don't know that your description necessarily matches up with what my understanding of a narcissist is, but he certainly sounds needy. I think you dodged a bullet.

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  • Ugh, maybe so. Just be glad you're rid of him now! Seriously!

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  • Probably?

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  • I declare him mentally incompetent

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  • Yes. It is possible.
    He sounds like a complete ass too
    I really like Youtuber Ollie Matthew's videos on Narcs.

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