When its cheating and when its affair? Where is their border?

I need to travel to a neighbor city every two weeks, there I met a girl and we had one night one time behind my gf's back but we did it 3 times again and start texting and stuffs like that , I don't want to start an affair because having an affair was the reason that my ex left me for. also I want to stop it right now but don't know how to.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You've already started an affair by doing it more than once. Obviously you didn't regret it the 1st time. The way to stop it is to stop being selfish be honest with your girlfriend and stop talking to the other female block her off. And if you can't find yourself doing it. Than leave your girl and let her find someone better. If you have to choose between 2 people choose the second because you wouldn't have had to choose if the first one was the one.
    You cheated the first time you had a one night woth her. You then created an affair when you did it again multiple times and carried on with keeping contact with her.

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    • I don't want to choose another girl rather than my current girlfriend she is the girl I want to make a family with.

    • I really don't want to be that person, but you basically already chose someone else. Even if you really love her. It wasn't enough to keep you from going to someone else. Multiple times. Even if you stop this one, do you think in the future you'll really be able to not give into temptations and cheating again? I don't believe in once a cheater always a cheater. But I do believe if something is missing and can distract you from the great thing you have, you'll take it for granted and cheat again or do w. e to satisfy yourself. Whether it's emotional, physical or mental.
      If you can really say and know deep down you'll never be tempted to cheat again, tell her the truth, drop the other girl cold turkey, and make it up to her. And obviously don't cheat again.

Most Helpful Guy

  • They're the same thing. You're stupid to do it and you don't deserve a relationship. Beg for forgiveness and don't expect to get it.

    To stop it, realise that you are in total control of your body, where you direct your feet, where you place your hands, the words you say, YOU are in charge of every action your body takes. You don't have to act on every thought, you choose which thoughts to act on. Now, stop.

    You probably feel it's hard to control your thoughts. You're right, that's harder. But each time you take a step in the right direction, you make it easier for your future self to keep going that way. (Equally, if you make the wrong choice this time, you're making it easier to go wrong next time.) So even if you can't completely change your thinking at once; and even if you sometimes go wrong: Keep thinking the right thoughts as best you can, and every single time you do that, you're making it easier.

    But yeah, regarding your actions - just stop it.

    A final tip - Admit everything to someone you know, someone who will be disappointed at the news but will not reject you from their life. (Maybe a family member?)

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    • Also have you considered why you need to always find someone to be intimate with, even when you're away for a short time? It doesn't have to be that way. Maybe you're feeling lonely and you haven't found a healthy way to respond to that feeling. For example, to address loneliness you could phone someone you know and just have an everyday conversation, which will build your relationship and connectedness, instead of indulging in destructive thrill-seeking such as finding a stranger to cuddle.

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What Girls Said 10

  • Cheating and affair are not mutually exclusive. You cheated on your girlfriend. The general definition of affair applies to those who cheat/have a long term relationship when they are married. But having an affair is also cheating. Seeing as you are not married, your last girlfriend cheated on you.

    This is dumb. If you want it to stop just stop it. It's not hard. Don't see her again. Stop texting her.

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    • Actually I was the one who cheated and she left when fond out. I'll try to stop it asap.

    • Omg stop doing that.

  • You're already cheating/having an affair. It's the same thing, people just use affair more for married couples. Both are still shitty things to do.

    How do you stop it? Stop contacting her. Block her number.

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    • I did I told her I can't see her anymore. Happy loyal guy again.

    • Well technically there's no one to be loyal to now.

  • An affair is cheating when you're rich and famous.

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    • So I hadn't have an affair yet.

  • You cheated on your girlfriend congratulations I think you are an awful human being. Please call your parents and tell them they did a shitty job raising you. If you are not mature enough to be in a relationship, then just have casual hookups until you mature the fuck up.

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    • I accept my mistake but want the relationship its better and safer.

    • You don't love her. Cheating harms the victim mentally and emotionally. We don't hurt the ones we love do the right thing and break up.

  • You have already crossed a boundary... when you cheated.

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  • Tell your girlfriend your cheating on her so she can break up with you already. No one, likes a lying, deceitful asshole. she can and should have the chance to find better. the fact that your trying to define what your doing to make yourself feel less guilty is disgusting. but then again she may be getting her kitty pounded when your not around so...

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    • I don't want her to leave me its what happened with my ex. I don't want to be single want to be in a relationship.

    • Your very narcissistic. all I keep hearing is me, me , me... it's not about you, You deserve to be left Your a lying cheating person. you don't respect her she needs someone who respects her.

    • Nooo if she left me and find another guy it would break me all its what my ex did to me she left me when fond out and didn't care how much I wanted her.

  • You cheated.

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  • Block the side piece. And buy your girlfriend flowers and chocolate for being mistakenly trusting in you. She deserves better.

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    • Its usually when they randomly buy stuff is when you know mfer was screwing around. it's like guilty presents.

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    • @somebodysaycheese that's my point lol. she has a right to be suspicious, he's making a fool out of her and she doesn't even know. he owes her big time and she has the right to wonder why he's being generous.

    • Lol, setting him up for failure Bahahaha. I shouldn't have opened up my mouth so he could do the man thing and follow your instructions and get caught 😂

  • Do you want to be with your girlfriend or this new girl?

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  • Congratulations you are in an affair buddy

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    • I was but I told her its over 2h ago and now a loyal man again.

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    • No she is not going to know.

    • The truth ALWAYS comes out

What Guys Said 5

  • Well you cheated so we are at that point. You then you have done it multiple times and now your communicating when not having sex to keep an emotional connection when you don't have your dick in her. That's an affair. You crossed the border.

    You just tell her you have a girlfriend, you made a mistake. Your apologize if she felt you was leading her on. Then you man up and tell your girlfriend you had a brief affair and crawl on her hand and knees and hope she forgives.

    Personally I hope she doesn't but good luck with that anyway.

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    • Don't want my girlfriend to know she will leave me like my ex and I will be alone again.

    • You should have thought of that before you put your dick in her vagina multiple times. If you lost your last girlfriend the same way you didn't learn from your past mistake and don't deserve to be with her. Your a terrible and selfish person if you keep this to yourself just because it's beneficial to you.

  • I think cheating is more with couples dating, but an affair is when it is married person

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  • Having an affair would be cheating repeatedly, I guess.

    Both actions are a violation of the trust of your partner, so it's not like one is acceptable and the other is not.

    Just stop it. Send a message, tell the other girl you won't be seeing her anymore. Then delete contact information. Basically, do the right thing.

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  • When you start asking that question. Either you're in it or your not. When you're trying to define the border, shits going down hill fast.

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  • its not cheating if your girlfriend knows it.

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    • My current doesn't know my ex fond out and left me.

    • if you tell her would she be ok with it? if not stop fucking other women then. thats what i would do. but i can't tell you what to do, you are a free man.

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