Took girlfriend for granted, what the hell do I do now?

So my girlfriend and I dated for over a year but the past couple months we had more rough times than good. This was due to me being lazy and taking the relationship for granted. I wasn't texting her and calling her as much and would be selfish during our hangouts only wanting to do what I wanted to do, she also wanted me to quit smoking the whole time and I would always promise I would but didn't. She broke up with me 5 days ago and in that time she's hooked up with this girl she was friends with a few times and that really hurt me but last night I had an epiphany that none of it would've happened if I hadn't taken her for granted and it being a girl and not a guy makes it possible to overlook if it means we can be happy together moving forward. I didn't have a cig today and went over to her house to tell her I would quit Xbox and smoking for her and be the boyfriend she deserves and never make her feel lonely again like I had. She was happy to hear this but wanted to see it over some time to know I'll actually come through this time which I understood and thought was reasonable. However my only condition was that she not hook up with this girl or anyone else in the mean time which she couldn't promise me... I swore to her over and over that she wouldn't regret it but she wouldn't agree to my condition and said she deserved to be happy and to do whatever she wants while I show her that I can be good for her. I couldn't accept that and left saying it would be the last time we ever see each other or speak again for my own good as to not keep getting pulled into that situation which would be the death of me. My question is, would anyone view that as ok for her to do? Like should I have just been like ok and proved things to her while she's doing crap with that girl? Or did I do the right thing by not accepting that even though I caused the situation?


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What Girls Said 1

  • She has a mind of her own and can do whatever she wants when she's not in a relationship. You cannot put conditions on her when you're not in a relationship. You screwed up man, sorry.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Look, you had chances to quit smoking, cut back on the Xbox, and treat her like she deserved to be treated, and you blew those chances. Now the relationship is over, and she's free to do what she wants.
    It sounds like she's willing to consider taking you back if you actually change, but she's right to expect you to prove it over some period of time. Otherwise, she'll take you back and you'll probably do like you did all those other times, you'll start smoking and playing Xbox and blowing her off.

    Now you've gotta win her back, you need to prove that you can change and that it's not just a temporary change. Let her do her thing. If you're really committed to this, do it. Get 30 days under your belt, then check in with her. Make some changes for the better. Maybe go running for 30 minutes every day and work out a little bit, get into better shape (physical results she can see... proof that you're not just sitting in front of the Xbox chain smoking cigarettes and pot). Don't expect her to welcome you back right away, either... Maybe it takes more time, and maybe it doesn't happen at all. Either way, you'll either win her back and you'll have some positive momentum built up to start this second chapter of your relationship with her on the right foot, or if you don't win her back you'll be primed and ready to go for a new relationship, and you won't be at as much a risk of screwing the next one up like this last one.

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