My girlfriend split up with me after just a month. It had been going so well but she says she's not ready for a relationship'. What should I do?

This girl and I had an absolutely amazing first date and I could not believe I had found someone like her. It just seemed so right at the time to ask her out, and she jumped into arms and was ecstatic. I've never been in a relationship before myself but I thought we had something.
The first two weeks were great, she was so intimate and going on dates seemed effortless. We would chat for hours on end and then do whatever we felt like. However, we didn't see each other for two weeks (We were both really busy revising for our uni exams and had exams the following week). It was in the second week, that she told me she was having doubts about whether she wanted to be in a relationship at all. I had noticed that in the second week, she had been texting me a lot less and it was concerning me a bit. I thought she might have just been extra busy with revising.
We had agreed to meet up the day we finished our exams anyway, but this was when she dropped the bombshell. She told me she was not 'mentally ready' for a relationship with anyone. She told me the cliche 'it's not you, it's me' but she emphasised that she truly meant it, calling me such an amazing guy. She and I were both crying, she was holding my hand whilst telling me how she felt and just appeared so upset. I asked her how sure she was about her decision and she said 60/40 in favour of leaving.
Prior to our exams, there had been nothing to suggest that our relationship was doomed so I just feel really confused. I don't know whether to truly believe what she told me, or whether she's covering it up for something else. I would feel so much better knowing how she truly feels. We haven't contacted each other for a few days, and I'm not willing to message first. I don't want to come across as needy.
I feel heartbroken and I'm constantly thinking I've done something wrong even though she assures me I haven't. We both agreed however that we got together far too quickly, but we admitted it felt so right at the same time.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Respect her decision. She wasn't ready for a relationship and being the fact you're both in uni, that creates a lot of mental strain anyway. She probably would rather focus on that than being in a relationship.

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    • Of course, I respect her decision, but we both now finished for the summer and was looking forward to spending it with her. And to be honest, it's not like we were seeing each other every day, I only saw her once a week during the exam period. I told her how I can't wait around forever for her, regardless of how much I like her, and she became upset. I guess it's for the best though for now.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Just move on. She's not mature enough for a relationship, most likely.

    Lmao at people saying 'committing is a big decision'. Committing to what? You gonna buy a house together or have kids? No. It's committing to not ghosting on the person, maybe trying to solve small problems, and saying you'll tell them before you end it and fuck someone else. That's what 'a relationship' means, commitment wise. People sign 2 year cell phone contracts in a heartbeat but aren't ready to be a couple which they can end with a phonecall on a whim.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Sorry to hear that you're going through this. She sounds like a genuine girl; I think she's being honest. Don't doubt yourself, you haven't done anything wrong. It might just be the wrong timing. Just know that if things don't work out, then it just wasn't meant to be. You'll be okay :) trust me, I've been in the same situation.

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    • To be honest, I think it's wrong timing, she was definitely not the type of girl to go out of her way to hurt me. But it still hurts. I haven't messaged her at all, but I do wonder if she's waiting for me to text her. She ssurred me that's absolutely nothing to do with me, and that she's just not ready- whatever that means. I know I could be getting near the friendzone, but she wanted to remain friends in the meantime whilst she sorts her mind out. I just want to give her space for now

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    • I mean, yeah, I don't really have any angst towards her. I'd never been in a relationship before, so it's a whole new wave of emotions for me. I hate to think that she's upset and struggling to cope on her own, but then again I don't want to bother her and confuse her even more. I feel that I want to be there for her. I hate not knowing how she is or what she's doing :( What does she truly mean when she says she's not 'mentally ready for a relationship'? Does she hate the thought of being tied down in a relationship? Does she want to mess about with other guys and just have fun? I just really don't know...

    • Aw, I understand... this is all brand new for you. You're considerate :) that's very sweet. I'm sure she'll be okay. I don't think that she's wanting to mess around with other people / hates the thought of being tied down.

      You guys are young, and committing to someone is a big decision. When she says that she's not 'mentally ready', I think she means that she's not ready to make that kind of emotional commitment. When you decide to enter a relationship, you're deciding to open your heart and reveal your vulnerabilities to another person.

      She knows exactly how you feel. Take some time out for yourself and focus on the good things in your life.

  • There isn't really anything you can do. In my experience, if someone doesn't want to be with you, they just don't. It may be the case she's just not ready for a relationship and that's not anything you can change unfortunately. Sorry man.

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    • I appreciate your advice, She promised me that she'd message me herself in a few days though its only been 2 days. She told me she doesn't want to lose me but until her mind's made up, it's all in limbo. I'm trying to stay positive as I can

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    • To be honest, I keep myself busy anyway. My mind has mostly been on completing exams recently. How long do you think I should wait for her? When I say wait, I mean meet other people at the same time and go back to dating but still keeping an eye out for her.

    • There isn't a set time, it's all about what you feel comfortable with personally. I'd move on as soon as you're ready, I wouldn't wait for her, she's made her feelings clear.

  • Nothing you can do. If the feelings aren't there then there's nothing you can do about it

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  • uggh... just take it for what she says... she's not ready.

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    • But why would she take steps to get into a relationship in the first place and show all sorts of affection towards me?

    • sorry, man. I did the same thing before so I know. I really wasn't sure if school was priority or the relationship... so I turned him down after dating for few days. But then, I came back to him again bc I knew it was meant to be.

    • I appreciate your help! We both prioritised our exams for a couple of weeks which was definitely the right decision. I just don't know how long I should wait for her, or when to start forgetting about her? I told her the doors always open if she changes her mind, or comes to realise what she wants.

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