Why are guys assholes?

I broke up with my ex because it just seemed like he wasn't as into me as I was into him. He would only see me about once a week and say that he couldn't do more because of his job. Likewise i was most times afraid to ask him to come visit me for fear of him saying no.
I told him these things one night. He would deny it, telling me that he cares about me and is into me... but his actions spoke differently. I told him it doesn't matter what you say it's your actions. He replied with ' my actions are not against you' and i said yes but they dont have much to do with me.

He then got really mad and told me to leave and never turn back.
I know people say that good looking guys are usually assholes because they know they can get away with it. But my ex was more average looking and not in good shape.
Yet he was still such an asshole to me. Even told me that he didn't want to use the terms 'boyfriend and girlfriend' yet sex was still an expectation.
I actually think he only liked me for my looks.
Why are most guys just straight up assholes?


0|0
414

Most Helpful Guy

  • In your case I really don't know there are certainly plenty of asshole guys and maybe he was one of them.

    One thing I have noticed that women, despite their supposedly greater sensitivity and insight in interpersonal relations frequently do not consider is what they are bringing to the relationship versus what they are demanding and the relative value of these things to each person.

    For example you may think you are giving something valuable and precious by having sex but he may regard it as of only moderate value, you may think you are demanding something very ordinary and expected in that he be faithful and spend time with you where he may regard these restrictions as heavy and onerous. This differing view of value is seen by each arty as the other being unreasonably demanding or refusing to acknowledge obligation. bitchiness or asshole behavior.

    To see it more clearly pretend you are trying to barter a commodity, you have strawberries and you want to swap for a carpet if you don't agree because you value your strawberries more highly than the carpet salesmen does and he values his carpet more than you do, it's not going to work out.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I just wasn't happy and i knew that i couldn't keep going like that

    • No reason why you should be. You felt cheated.

      I think what happens a lot is the guy initially puts great value on sex but after he gets it the value falls and all the things he was initially willing to do now feel burdensome. The woman can't figure out why he turned into an asshole and thinks he was wearing a mask the whole time but really it's just the natural human reaction. You might be willing to give a gold bar for that fist glass of water in the desert but you won't pay as much for the second. Women go for the guys who chase them and pay lots of attention to them and think it's what he is like but really the guy is just thirsty.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Girl, let me tell you that I have spent 24 years of my life trying to figure this out. All guys seem to be assholes. Even the good ones in the beginning turn out to be rotten eggs. I think it honestly just boils down to communication issues. Either both of you are not communicating effectively or are just misunderstanding each other. I am a very good communicator and being in a relationship with someone who isn't, it's terrible. It's a one way street. It's like talking to a wall. I spent 2 years exhausting this to get nowhere. I honestly would say just chalk it up as a loss and be thankful you don't have to deal with his sorry ass anymore. People would tell me ALL THE TIME to find someone better than my ex but I wouldn't listen and I would be sympathetic to him and go way beyond what was necessary to please him and make sure he was happy. He didn't do the same for me and when he abandoned me when I needed him the most, I realized that I am much happier being single and the right person will eventually come along. Also most guys up to the age of 26-27 are immature and just are straight up idiots. So just be young, have fun, and look for something a bit more serious when you're older! Also, love seems to come at the most unexpected times :D All the best to you!

    1|0
    0|0

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 13

  • So you broke up with your boyfriend because he was busy and couldn't see you? How does that make him an asshole? An asshole is somebody with a serious personality flaw, like a liar, an abuser, a person with anger issues, etc. There are girls that are bruised nightly by their SO's.

    Your boyfriend has a job he cares about and from what you've stated he didn't abuse you or do anything crazy. He just couldn't do more based on his current situation. How does that make him a bad person? He sad bad things to you during your breakup? I'm sure you said equally bad things too. Don't just pin the blame on him. You decided to stay with him even though you didn't like the arrangement.

    Girls are just as bad as guys in relationships, the only difference is that every breakup HAS to be the guy's fault because most females won't take responsibility for things going wrong.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I had tried telling him that i wasn't happy with the situation MULTIPLE times but it didn't seem to bother him one bit

    • Then he simply didn't care about you enough to change things. It happens. Just move on and find somebody that makes you happy. He won't change.

  • Of course he got mad, you had already made up your mind about him before you went to talk to him. So what was supposed to be communication was you telling him how he is, not giving him a chance to talk about it. And you never even asked him to come visit you? What does that show from you? What if he thought the same thing about you because you never asked him to come?

    The information in your post does not provide very good evidence for him actually being an asshole. It just shows that you both had a lack of communication in your relationship.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I've asked him multiple times in the past, "when do I get to see you?" And all he would say was no. So i just stopped asking. This is about the 11th time I've had this discussion with him and refuses to compromise

  • I bet you friendzone good guys while dating assholes. Most guys are actually not assholes but you probably prefer to date assholes while ignoring all the good guys. YOU chosed those assholes nobody forced you to date them. There are plenty of good guys out there.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I ain't no statistics major, but I think your sample size is insufficient.

    0|1
    0|0
  • it is very chicken and egg

    Women often gravitate to the wrong guys, then complain when they are proven as the wrong guy, ie assholes

    Women tolerate shit and then complain about it, rather than putting the guy in line or telling him to sod off- 'you get what you are willing to put up with'

    0|0
    0|0
  • Your sample size is lacking, to say the least.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Most guys aren't straight up assholes. You can't generalize the entire male gender based on one asshole.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Most guys aren't assholes. You just happened to meet an asshole. Please don't judge all of us based on 1 person. Give each man you meet from here on out a chance to make his own impression on you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Awh that's not a relationship if you fear him saying no or don't trust him! Sorry to hear that but the guy you will truly love won't be like that.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's easier that way.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't know.. that's a good question.

    0|0
    0|0
  • its casue our balls. they block our ass hole so shit ends up coming out other places.

    1|0
    0|0

1 private opinion(s)
Only the asker and the opinion owner can see it. Learn more

What Girls Said 3

  • you cannot equate a bad experience to "every" guy. each person is different, and bad experiences exist for us to learn new lessons.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Because you let them be assholes. People will treat you the way you let them treat you.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I disagree, I have seen men respond angrily and even more agressively to women who call them out on their bullshit

    • @ikissedtheskyonce You don't get my point. If you stay with a man who disrespects you, you tell him that it is OK to disrespect you, hence you let him get away with being an asshole.

  • I don't think that makes him an asshole. I think maybe you overreacted a little bit

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...