Do I wait or go?

Me and my boyfriend of nearly 5 years were supposed to be buying a house this year as we both currently live separately with our parents. We started viewing houses and got a mortgage agreement etc but then his suddenly come out with his not ready to buy a house. We have been talking about this for two years. I said to him about renting for a year to see how we cope living together as he said he "isn't ready to move out" of his parents house. His 28 in September and I'm nearly 27... Not exactly young. He agreed but only because I said I couldn't see it working anymore because I want to get on with my life and he just has to try... I already delayed by a year you see. He is always away for work so realistically he has no reason to ever leave home as it's cheap which gives him more money to waste. The thing is I have saved hard and have quite a lot saved whereas he doesn't save very hard. To me renting is dead money and I just want to buy now. Do I wait or just do it? Or should I rent? He just doesn't seem bothered. I don't know how to make him want to hit that stage of his life. Will he ever?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • perhaps you could move out on your own (without him) perhaps moving in with friends or just living solo

    yeah after 5 years it does seem like some next step has to occur. it seems to me that his lack of savings is a valid reason but then it raises the concern that he isn't very good with money. i mean if his point of living at home with parents is to save money (valid point) then why hasn't he saved money?

    what's his objection to renting a place?

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    • Well he saved money then spent it on a car... Then he has saved up again but not very much. I have enough savings for a v large deposit as I have saved hard for a long time.
      He said that if I have to move out then I shouldn't let him stop me but he isn't ready. I said well why don't we rent for a year to see if we argue blablah to see how we go as I thought it would be a good way to pull away from his parents. He didn't seem bothered so I said well if after five years you can't commit then what is the point I can't see a future and he was like "fine we will try renting then" I can tell he is just going along with it. I don't want to be with someone who's heart isn't in it anymore. Same time though when he has flown the nest he might realise how good it is. X

    • so i guess at present time he seems prepared to (at least based on what he says) rent a place. so perhaps you start moving forward with that process and try and do it quickly before he changes his tune. I would also mention to him that you are going to start looking for a place to rent and that you need to know that you aren't wasting your time in doing so

    • Yeah he knows I am always looking online at the mo. I have an exam in a few weeks which is my priority at the moment (although let's be honest I can't stop thinking about all this stuff) once the exam is done I am going to get serious about moving out. It's a matter of weeks...

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What Guys Said 1

  • Buy it now if you can afford it, his bothers only seem to be about living together, not actually buying a house, since this is also a question of availability and costs.

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    • The thing is we don't argue normally but this whole moving out and being ready thing has caused so much grief. I'm seeing a whole new side...

    • what do you mean by new side?

What Girls Said 4

  • Even though 'Me and my boyfriend of nearly 5 years were supposed to be buying a house this year,' it appears as Wise as an owl that I am here, dear, he Suddenly... Grew cold duck feet and ended up going Back with a Quack into the Murky waters in which his parents live.
    He has gotten Cold feet and is Not raring nor Ready to move away from the nest in which has always been Provided Comfortably for him. It's Stability for him, an Already established roof, and he can't seem to bear leaving this House because he is like this little Mouse who just Cannot Come Clean and tell you just what he means. I see right through him.
    You have a Couple of Choices, for I know and can see How Hard you Have worked to get this far. You can either get your own Place, wait for him to Change his Mind Maybe Sometime, or tell him you don't want to be Hooked at the Hip with someone who may never be a Total... Steady Eddy or even be Ready.
    No, of course 'He just doesn't seem bothered. He knows you will Go with his Flow and Continue to be the Best from the Rest Girlfriend he has ever had.
    Many Toms Today Never 'Hit that stage in his life.' If things with their Honey Bunnies are very Comfy and Cozy, they are like Fat Cats in a corner who won't Budge if their Life depended on it.
    Good luck. xx

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    • Great response!
      I don't know why he has suddenly done this it's all very odd. It's constantly on my mind and I bet it's never on his. Literally a few weeks ago we viewed some houses and he seemed excited about it all and went home to show his parents. They then said they have plans for his bedroom already. Then he was still fine. Then two weeks ago he found out he might get made redundant and everything changed. I advised him even if his job is safe as he is away a lot and it's far from home even if he isn't away if something closer on the same money come up he should at least consider it as he doesn't see a life outside of the firm he is in whereas I am quite a job hopper. As per he just takes its funny which has then caused all this about him now being ready. I feel like he can't handle the truth and doesn't like change do doesn't want to consider things change so would rather cut me off instead. Surely cutting me out is a massive change? He has stopped job hunting even though his

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    • Oh, my Lord, this is terrible. How can one beautiful dream for a house jus go up in smoke? I blame some of this on his folks who may have influenced his decision. Focus on you and try hard to focus so you can get your own life together. I see too a change with him not spending more time with you as though this cold duck has gone back into the waters to "Dry out." Yes, move out, get Something Nice that you have worked hard for and begin a beguine for you now. xxoo

    • Heck No, not One bit selfish.. How long can a girl be expected to wait in this lifetime? xx

  • If you're ready to move on with your life, I sure as hell wouldn't wait, because it could take him ages, he's 28 he should be focusing on moving forward instead of thinking of his parents as a solution.

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  • You can't make him. He has to want this himself. I don't know if it it's because he not ready for the house or because he's not ready for the house with you.

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  • sounds like he is comf. this is the time to test the relathisonhp ( i hate to use the word test but it is what it is)
    something happened that gave him cold feet so you have to be brave and leave him. take a break. thats when he/you know if this is meant to be. 5 years is a long time. i don't blame you for wanting to move to the next chapter of your life.
    when a guy is truly in love with you, he would want all these with you as well. they would talk about it and plan it out with you like when you two went to look at the houses. they generally would know by 9 months - 1 year if he wants to marry you.
    so many women waste 7-10 years of their time with the guy... then find out the guy marries the next girl in 6 months... i hate this to be you...
    something happened (cold feet)?
    best

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