Have you ever had to say goodbye to someone, not because you wanted to, but because they kept causing you pain?

i feel really pathetic but I'm really hurt by this guy.. Even though we aren't in a relationship (for some reason I feel my feelings are invalid then?)
He isn't looking to settle or give so much time to a female right now. I constantly set myself up only to get crushed 70% of the time bc he blows me off or cancels last minute. Not to mention the knowledge I have that because we aren't exclusive he could be taking other women out as well. I would be down for him 100% but it just isn't realistic bc I want more than what he can give me, and we have somewhat discussed this... I know he is getting over pain from a previous relationship in which he was cheated on, but I can't be brought down with him during his period of uncertainty. It just sucks that we've been seeing each other for 5/6 weeks now, and now I have to let go.. Let go of the "what ifs" what could have been and whatever.

Any ways to make this easier? What if he contacts me, how do I let go, how do I say no? We are in a good place, nothing happened but my needs not being met. I haven't told him how strongly I feel. I've been playing it beyond cool with him, and when he cancels I act unphased, but really this last time I spent the night crying. I open my time for him, do him favors, would love to see him anytime... I have 36 unread messages in my text messages right now from guys wanting to take me out... And here I am caught up in the littlest hope for a guy who may not be there. And each time I feel like we are getting closer, he does something small and I become really affected by it. I have never been so excited about a guy before, craving to know him and grow with him.. And now I have to say goodbye, and it just really sucks. But I know if I don't cut him off then I will continuously be brought down bc I keep hoping he will grow to want to be with me since we haven't gotten to know each other that much yet. We are still very much in the beginning, but I don't know I'm afraid of being hurt.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes, I did. I wish I would have ended it 5 weeks in, although we were exclusive. I waited 6 months and it just got worse. He didn't want to end it, but I did anyways. We were completely compatible in every way. In a way he kind of awoke my senses. He had also just got out of a horrible relationship. He kept telling me to wait it out it would get better. He cares about me a lot and I care about him. But I told him I deserved more. You do too! Don't settle for mediocre when there is something amazing just around the corner. It will be worth it when you find someone who feels that way about you. Don't you want someone who is as excited to see you as you are them? Someone who makes you feel special or goes out of their way like you do them? I spent years in 2 different abusive relationships before this. My biggest life regret is not sifting through more guys to find one who actually cared about me. Don't settle for less. It will be hard for a bit and the what ifs still kill me sometimes after a month. Tell him what you want and expect, gently. If he doesn't respect your requests or try to work with you, then give it up. There is no use beating on a locked door when thousands are wide open... Since you're not exclusive anyways, talk to other guys. You may find a better match or a deeper connection.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Yes I have been in that position before. I cared about him and loved him a lot but we just had to many problems in our relationship plus we were very young. I decided the best thing for the both of us would be to just move on. The way he was treating me was unacceptable, and I just realized he wasn't worthy of my time and that he didn't deserve me either. Know your worth and don't let anyone ever treat you wrong.

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  • Yes, and I still love him but you know what the best thing to do is accept it an move on. There is value to your being, value your self worth. Do not let this idiot treat you as he pleases

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  • Yep been there ! message me about it and we can talk about this and I'll give u the best advice I can.

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  • You've got the right idea by trying to let go. If you want different things than its best to go separate ways. The worst thing you can do is think that by sticking it out he will maybe change his mind, because he won't. We gotta take what men say they want and don't want, at face value and then take the time to figure out what we want. You're right, you will continue hurting if you keep him around. I am dealing with a similar situation and its heart breaking, but you do feel happier and healthier emotionally eventually!
    I cut ties for a while and went no contact because I knew I wouldn't be strong enough to ignore and I would get sucked back in. We ladies over analyze/read into a lot that a guy says or does, which puts us in a state of "crazy" trying to figure them out.
    It'll take time... And you'll eventually be thankful you looked after YOU instead of accepting "crumbs" from a guy that doesn't know what he wants.

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  • You're doing the right thing and it'll be ok in a little bit. You'll meet someone great and it won't hurt anymore

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  • Tell him you can't be friends with him now. Believe me, I went through this for over 2 years! But my guy wouldn't cancel on me last min or anything so I really believed he had deep feelings for me.

    Whatever their reasons are, it doesn't matter. They don't want to be with us. It took me sooo long to walk away and it hurts like hell. Do yourself a favor of only 5-6 weeks of seeing him & bail. It doesn't get better--believe me. :(

    I'm in the process now finally is not talking to my "friend". No bad feelings or anything, he just knows I want more and he doesn't. I'm hoping in the future (when my feelings for him fade) that we'll be friends again. I just can't see him while I'm in love with him still. It's too hard and my expectations are too high.

    Hope that helps... It really sucks so bad.

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