On a break they had sex with someone else. Would you be with them again?

[cavmanier]

I've heard of people taking breaks (I'm not totally sure if I know what that means). The way I understand the definition is the couple isn't monogamous for a short period, but anticipates they'll likely be committed again.

Would you get back into a relationship with a person that had sex with someone a day or week after the break started?

I'm just joking by the memes. I'm curious what your opinion is.

I wouldn't be with them if they kissed someone during the break

I only wouldn't be with them if they had sex during the break

I wouldn't be bothered by them having sex with someone else during the break

I wouldn't like them having sex while on a break but I would be with them again

[Relentless_Hippie]

I wouldn't want to be with them even if they kissed someone during the break. Cheating is cheating, and I want no part of it.

To me a break isn't a break from being monogamous, it means taking a break from each other but still being committed. It means taking some time to look back at the relationship and reevaluate who you're with.

I always thought breaks were stupid until I needed one. My boyfriend and I would constantly argue and I just felt angry everyday. During the highest points of unhappiness I found I had a crush on someone I went to school with. I didn't know him, and didn't pursue him but the simple fact I was having feelings toward someone made me feel like a horrible person.

I told my boyfriend, he cried and I cried too. It all hurt really badly but the break worked out for us. It allowed us to address the real issue behind all these emotions and in the long run it was for the best. Neither of us went on dates, I didn't pursue the guy I had a crush on. We just took a step back to look within ourselves and each other to decide if this was really someone we wanted to spend our lives with. In the end the answer was yes.

A break is not a break up, and even if it was to be with someone after a short amount of time is so disrespectful and shows that person never cared about you to begin with. People who use breaks as an opportunity to cheat are scum bags. A break is a very emotional time that should be used for the betterment of yourself and your partner. Not so you can play dance party with someone else's genitals.

[cavmanier]

You have good points. I agree. If the person wanted to be with another person really quickly, I would question their feelings. A lot of people probably use it as an opportunity though.

[Relentless_Hippie]

I'm sure they do especially in this day in age. I would just hope that if that happens the other person is smart enough to leave them. :\

[lumos]

I voted A.
Though I doubt I'd ever accept being on a "break" with my partner, since "breaks" usually mean "we will break up in the near future but right now we're half-assing it just to see how it would feel".
Anyway. If I DID take a break with my partner, we would set some VERY clear rules concerning the break (which is why I had such an issue with the Ross and Rachel break, they just made assumptions of their own, without setting any clear rules and that was dumb). So, clear rules. Or, well, just one clear rule.

- We're still monogamous to one another even though we're on a break, hence no kissing/touching/flirting/having sex/sexting and whatever with other people. We're still IN the relationship, we're just not seeing each other for a period of time. Preferably a set period of time as well (a week, 2 weeks, a month?), so we know when to contact each other again. The time apart would be used to reflect on the relationship and your own wants/needs, not to fuck around and pretend as though you're single again.

That's what a break would look like if I were to take one with my hypothetical partner. No misunderstandings, no gray areas. We would be still be completely monogamous and we would take x amount of time to think things over, that's it. And once the break is over, we'll discuss what we figured out and then either break up entirely or give it another shot.
So, if he went and kissed/had sex etc with someone, I would definitely not consider going back to him since he broke the rules.

[cavmanier]

That's a great idea, especially if you don't see each other for awhile.

[lumos]

Yeah. That's why the "we were on a break" ordeal between Ross and Rachel drove me up the fucking wall. The both of them were clearly in the wrong. Maybe Ross a bit more in the wrong than Rachel since he actually did sleep with someone, but still. They should have set clear rules. Ross shouldn't have made the assumption that he was allowed to sleep with someone and Rachel shouldn't have made the assumption that he wasn't going to do it. They should have talked about it.

[mooky06]

I feel like there are two types of breaks..

1. I'm going to take a break.. So I can let loose a bit and kiss/have sex with someone else. But it's fine because it's a break and we aren't/weren't together

OR

2. I'm going to take a break. I need to reflect and gather up my thoughts and emotions to have a rational mindset about our relationship from being away from you for a bit.

I feel like people wanting option number 1 are just wanting a hall pass. After doing as they pleased they think it's ok to go back to the relationship they were in and act like nothing has happened. Option number 2 seems understandable, but someone shouldn't require "a week" to sort out their emotions and feelings about someone they care about.

I wouldn't go back to someone who had sex or made out with someone else while I was in a break with them. If he wanted to go kiss and have sex with some other girl he should of broke up with me first. If that was more important to him instead of being with me, he can kiss my middle finger. I don't like how a "break" is made to be an excuse to do things like that (if that was the case) it's not right.

[cavmanier]

😂 I agree with you! I wouldn't want it to be used as an excuse either. I think if they want to be with someone during that short period, that's a bad sign of how they probably feel.

[mooky06]

I agree. If they went out of their way to be with someone else or pursue other people during this "break time" then they just wanted time to have something sexual outside of the relationship.

I feel like it depends on the couple and severity of the relationship aswell. If the couple is facing minor issues that are fixable they wouldn't take a break. Otherwise I can see it happening a lot of the time where someone in the relationship has a rendezvous. Other times I do feel like both people grow distant from each other (till they no longer talk to each other anymore) and some of them do just take time to reflect (but I feel like that's a small percentage) :)

[hellionthesage]

I would very much be against the break to start as for me that is like a cop out, its like leaving the house for a week and expecting the trash to suddenly disapear, its stupid and illogical so I would probably break up with them if they where adament about a break. In the unlikely occurence that a break did occur, if they had sex with some one or even dated or kissed some one else that is cheating and my response would be to assume they simply wanted to cheat without "cheating" a loop hole if you will. So not only would it be cheating and I would break off any ties to them but it would be even worse because they thought I was to stupid to realize what their intentions where.

[cavmanier]

I'm not sure why there's a term for a break. Maybe it's a way to suspend the commitment temporarily.

[hellionthesage]

Thats what I take it as, a way to say we are not broken up but I want to go have sex with some one else. Thats the only logical reason for a break because obviously not dealing with a problem isn't going to make the problem go away so I think people use it as a vacation from their commitment which if that is the case (and from what I have read it sounds like it is) then clearly they where not loyal enough or commited enough to warrent a second chance.(or a first).

[cavmanier]

" it as, a way to say we are not broken up but I want to go have sex with some one else" wow lol

[hellionthesage]

Well what other conclusion is their to come to either you want the relationship or you don't, going on break doesn't resolve issues and to be honest I have heard more then a few stories where people whent on a break fully kowing they where going to go back with their previous partner and still made it a point to have sex "while they could". So thats really the only reason why I can see having a break which is something I do not approve of (obviously).

[DodgersGM]

My opinion is that 'taking a break' really means, "hey, we should probably break up but we're not quite ready to accept it yet, so let's do this instead."

*If* I did somehow find myself 'on a break' while in a relationship, I certainly wouldn't sleep with or make a move on anyone else. And if she did that, then it'd be over between us. She'd definitely get a few of these:

az616578.vo.msecnd.net/.../...4e239b_-_33fghg4.gif

[cavmanier]

I pretty much agree with both of your paragraphs 👍 Sometimes it can be hard to know what to do though.

[DodgersGM]

Yeah, it always seems so simple when you're on the outside looking in.

[cavmanier]

It is absolutely easier when not dealing with the effects of the decision.

[DodgersGM]

Yeah for sure.

Let's put it this way: if a buddy of mine was on a break with his SO and came to me for advice, I'd yell him (or her) to figure out their current relationship before doing *anything* with another person. Because once you cross that line and fool around with someone else, you've rung a bell that can't be un-rung.

[theccanyon]

There are two major types of breaks: 1) a "separation", meaning you two physically and emotionally separate - stop contact, stop living under the same roof, etc. but are still loyal to one another, and 2) the "ultimate", during the break, you two are single. You're not together in any way, shape, form, or meaning.

Those are my terms and definitions, by the way. XD

Either way, you must set clear rules. You can't expect someone to adhere to something, it accuse them of breaking trust, if you set the bar after the fact ("I would assume that a decent person wouldn't do x on a break", "I thought you cared more than to do x" "how could u believe that x is okay?" = assume/thought/believe = game over). Then, both parties must agree to these rules, or at least understand them.

If it were an ultimate break, where you both are completely uncommitted, then no, you don't have the right to get mad AT someone for having sex. If you didn't want that, you should have set clear boundaries. However, you are justified in BEING disappointed/disgusted/unhappy with what they chose to do. It's the same as free speech - u have the right to say whatever you want but you do not have the right to be free of consequences.

TL;DR: you don't have a monopoly over someone else's free will. But freedom is never free. It always has a price.

[cavmanier]

If you were dating a guys you care about for awhile, and you took a break for whatever reason. Would you want to be in a relationship with him again after he had sex with a girl within a week of the break? You may already have decided you answer, but do you think him wanting sex with another girl while still in limbo with you may say something negative about how he feels about you? Or would you look at him doing that more objectively and not feel bothered if there technically wasn't a commitment?

[shadowlegend]

Personally I wouldn't, but there are two sides to this.
1. If you "take a break" you are effectively breaking up with that person and you shouldn't do that if you expect them to remain loyal and monogamous to you, that's an unrealistic expectation.
2. For someone who is still emotionally attached, they may break up with you and yet want you to remain faithful to them, despite actually breaking up with you. This is usually due to the belief that if you (the other person) "truly" love them or care about them, you wouldn't hook up with someone else anyway, because you're still emotionally attached to them.
However, the mature way to look at it is if you take a break, it's either a break up, or you don't break up and you work on the relationship together.

[EmiliaB]

Yes. We're on break... and who knows how long it will last?

If you're on a break, you're single. You're not in a relationship with that person

My ex partner and I are technically on a break, but we both know we've broken up. I'd be very surprised if he hadn't been getting with other girls, and I've spent a bit of time with someone else.
A break is supposed to help you decide what you both want, but it's really up up to you what you do in that time.
You can't always expect the other person to live like a monk/nun

[lexythelou22]

I'm never agreeing to a "break" in a relationship in the first place. Either we're together and we're tough enough to sort through our issues and have a happy and healthy relationship, or we're just breaking up with no specific plans of getting back together.

[cavmanier]

It would be nice if life was always smooth like that.

[Jxpxtxr]

A break is a break and whatever they do while we're officially not in a relationship does not make them a cheater and is None of my business in the first place - who knows I might have had sex with someone else during that break too so how hypocritical would that be if I would be butthurt over them doing the same?

[cavmanier]

Most of the attitudes I've seen about breaks on here agreed they can do what they want. Would you think they may not like you much if they did want to be with someone else?

[Jxpxtxr]

If they are in a relationship and even consider marrying another person while on a break from the relationship with me I'd think so. If they just kiss or hook up with someone else I have no reason to think so. Sexual actions and feelings are unrelated most of the time.

[cavmanier]

"Sexual actions and feelings are unrelated most of the time" I see but for many people I don't think they would either desire to be with another person when having strong feelings or they wouldn't want to hurt their partner.

[Jxpxtxr]

But then they wouldn't feel the need for a break when having such strong feelings in the first place you see:?

[cavmanier]

Often you're right but some relationships can have quite a bit of conflict while still being mostly healthy and serious.

[Jxpxtxr]

Yeah but I believe that is very rare, if you are so serious and your feelings are still as strong as ever I don't believe you'd consider a break in the relationship.. At least that goes for the vast majority of relationships I think.

[cavmanier]

I meant like time apart. I'm not really sure why someone would want a break. If they did want one, it might even be called something different. I've just heard people say break on gag quite a bit.

[Anonymous]

Another option for me. For me, a break is for always, so I wouldn't care what they did with whoever they wanted. There would be no getting back together, ever. If it was bad enough for either of us to need a break, it would never be ant better after any amount of breaks.

[cavmanier]

Good point but it's possible.

[innerpeace89]

Well in my case before we broke up I was weary of this girl who started working at our job and I didn't know why. I told him about it and we laughed it off, he said he wasn't even attracted to her and that she was manly looking. We ended up breaking up because of something awful he said to me that hurt my feelings and he broke my heart with it. Later on he breaks it even worse by sleeping with the same girl my gut instinct told me was wrong and that he said he wasn't attracted too and rubbed it in my face. Then after they ended his little rebound, he 'felt bad' about using her as a rebound and breaking my heart with her, yet defended himself saying we were on a break and yet also was still thinking he could be friends with her and get me back. So no I wouldn't be with them again if they slept with someone else because I have been down this road of heartbreak and deception and won't do it again.

[innerpeace89]

I would also like to add that it does make the other person feel like they were cheated on because if you are willing to share your body with someone else, to them it states that you don't care about them and are willing to not take the break seriously and work on the issues at hand that may separate you, instead your willing to get physical with someone else and make your partner more likely to end it because you made them feel insecure about them physically and emotionally now.

[TacosRAwesome]

I don't do breaks. I'm either with you or not with yo and breaks are confusing. And they're usually a sign that the person who started the break wanting to try something with someone else but wants the other person as backup. At least that's my impression.

[cavmanier]

I think they are pretty much a bad sign too.

[AzureGirl]

A break isn't a break up. Technically you're still together. So if someone even goes as far as flirting or kissing someone else then it's cheating. And I don't tolerate cheating.

[cavmanier]

I see. I thought it's different.

[LittleSally]

Depends on the agreements onf the break. If it's specified they'd wait for each other... then there ya go. If not - they can do whatever - it shouldn't affect the future.
Buuuuuuut > people can be very sensitive and even irrational when it comes to relationships - so sleeping with someone else may not be kosher and it may hurt the person no matter the deal you made on the break - I guess it depends on the person, their situation and how they broke up.

[Frost_Byt3]

No, I wouldn't get back together if she did anything with another guy. However, for me. a "break" is the same thing as a break up. If we were on "break", I would consider it a break up, and wouldn't plan to ever get back together anyway.

[cavmanier]

You being young, that may change.

[vishna]

When people go on breaks, they need to set the expectations before anyone is set loose.

When I went on a break, although short, my boyfriend and I said we would stay monogamous. If he would have broken that agreement, I would have probably broken up with him.

If we had said we could both have sex, especially if we had been separated for a while, I would probably care, but I couldn't hold it against him because I agreed to those terms.

[LaVilaine]

I wouldn't be okay with it at all. Most times when people take a break, they're really saying that they want to break up, but they just don't want to come out and say it. If anyone asked me to go on a break, I would be like "take a break forever because we're done here."

[AleDeEurope]

I would never have a break, that's basically like saying "I want to fuck another dude, let's take a break so I can do that".
Fuck no.

[cavmanier]

Lol I understand

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't have a break in the first place.
But let's just assume for the sake of it that I would.
My vote goes to A. If they kissed someone I'd break up with them because they would have showed me that our commitment doesn't mean anything to them.

[cavmanier]

I think there's a lot of truth to that.

[fauchelevent]

I wouldn't exactly be happy with it but the way I see it is that on a break, you're not together so they can do what they want.

[cavmanier]

Would you commit to them again?

[fauchelevent]

Sure, like I said, we wouldn't have been together so it's not like it was cheating or betrayal or anything. They were totally allowed to so I don't see why I couldn't be with them again.

[cavmanier]

I think a lot of peoples emotions would overrule whether they were technically allowed to be with others.

[fauchelevent]

Meh, I feel like getting upset over that would be irrational. Unless the break was specifically made so someone could go fuck someone wthout it being cheating, or they broke pre-arranged conditions (e. g. you said that they couldn't have sex during the break), getting mad or upset over it is pointless, y'know?

[cavmanier]

I see what you mean. For me, how I feel is more likely to influence what I'd do rather than what the agreement is.

[Mesonfielde]

Well it depends on who initiated the break. If they say 'let's have a break' and then proceeds to making out with someone, then the break is just a means to cheat.

But if you tell someone you don't want to see them again and then they have sex with someone and you come back acting all grumpy about what they did after you told them to get out, then you're clearly crazy.

[ThisDudeHere]

I wouldn't be on a break to begin with. Either we deal with our problems straight away, or we're done for good.

[tyber1]

If I was the one who decided that we should go on a break I'd consider myself partly to blame and I'd think about it. If it was her idea I'd be suspicious and wouldn't go back.

[SovereignessofVamps]

I'd consider it and have sex with another guy first. But if you're on break it's NOT cheating. That's what being on break is supposed to mean!!