He left me after 2 years. I am in total grief. What should I do?

We were together for 2 years. He really loved me i belive. But now he goes abroad and he said he can not continue in a long distance relationship. I said i would wait him until his education is over but he said that it is impossible. I really dont understand. Everywhere i go reminds me of something about him. All of the pictures, toys, presents.. His love letters. I can not move on. There are people that want to date me but i always reject them eventhough 2 months have passed. He still texts me calling me cute and lovely. But we are not a couple anymore. He is not together with someone i always try to get information about him trough social media. I guess i am losing it. I can not stop crying. I can't forget the best memories we had. He was my first love, first kiss. I can not move on.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Oh dear! Hold yourself together. I know it's easy said than done. The fact is, there are many great guys out there right now who are looking for a girl like you.

    In my last breakup, the following worked for me; it could work for you too.

    # Step 1
    The first thing I do is embracing I cannot switch off my feelings for her like a switch light. Recognising my inability to effect a desirable change is itself relieving.

    # Step 2
    I feel the hurtful feelings of breaking up rather than diverting attention from them. It doesn't matter if it takes a day, week or month. Diverting focus from the hurtful feelings only decelerate the recovery process.

    # Step 3
    I accept she is no longer with me, instead of nursing hope and fighting for her to come back. This is the biggest mistake I made in my first breakup. It only heightens the pain and prolongs the recovery process.

    # Step 4
    I focus on the good memories she brought to my life, and on things I would have loved to experience with her. This shifts my mind from hurtful to positive emotions. The mistake I made with my first breakup is I focused on her frailties to convince myself she wasn't beautiful enough. I was merely lying to myself because if she wasn't good enough I won't have been with her in the first place.

    # Step 5
    I remove items (e. g. clothes, cosmetics, pictures, etc.) that I associate with her. I also block and delete all her phone number, email address and other forms of communication like whatsapp, etc., including the contacts of some of her friends.

    # Step 6
    While carrying out the above five steps I engage quite a lot in activities, such as meditation, running, gym and strolling in the woods and park. I set important activities to do daily, and focus on completing them.

    # Step 7
    I draw inspiration from my first breakup. I flash my mind back and challenge my behaviours and thoughts. My world didn't crumble. I dated beautiful girls after that. I then flash my mind back to current breakup. It then suddenly changes my perspective, confidence and mood. It's like telling myself I have been through this before, and came out stronger 6 to 12 months after the breakup.

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    • Thank you so much! It really helped. He still texts me calling me beautiful and lovely. I dont really understand what he is trying to do. Does he only see me as a friend from now on? Should i ignore his texts? Actually i thought about it but we said we could be friends. I really dont know but i feel like he is still my boyfriend. Should i tell him that?

    • As things stand, he doesn't consider you as his girlfriend. You really want to commit to relationship with him but the feelings you have for him are way more than friendship feelings. He is not prepared to reciprocate the same feelings, which means you'd end getting more hurt.

      It's difficult to let go of somebody you really love. The texting and his sweet-talking are raising false hope of rekindling the love you both once shared. I recommend to ignore his texts, and make yourself unavailable to him. This could raise your social value and appeal to him in the long run.

      Think of a time you were trying to reach out to someone, and you couldn't. How did you feel? You felt anxious, and eager to hear from them. That's because anything that is out of sight or seemingly unattainable becomes highly desirable.

    • That is very helpful thank you a lot!!

What Guys Said 0

The only opinion from guys was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

What Girls Said 2

  • You're not helping yourself heal if you're letting him still act like a boyfriend complimenting you but doesn't and will not be with you. That's the beauty of relationships you create memories and good times you have to at least be happy for the time you two spent together, you will move on but when you're ready. Holding on to something that no longer exist is just going to make you even more unhappy. Everyone goes through break ups or heart break you have to rebuild yourself back up because he never did define who you were.

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  • Maybe you guys can get back together if he's still calling you that. He obviously still cares

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