Difficult time getting over ex?

My ex and I broke up almost 4 months ago. I thought I would be over her by now, but I'm not. I've played back our last conversation everyday since the break up. Today I finally decided to get rid of the box of things that she had given me over the years (gifts, etc.). As I was throwing it away, I caught a glimpse of an old picture of us, back when we were happy. I started feeling sick, so I quickly threw out the box.
She was the first person who I said "I love you" to. We dated for 4 years, but I didn't feel that she was treating me well - lying and covering it up, breaking her own relationship rules, guilt trips, etc.
I lost a ton of friends in the process, so I don't get invited out as much as before we started dating.
Any advice would be appreciated!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Remind yourself of the reality - she lied and deceived you, and assuming those a qualities you don't want in a partner, then she wasn't the person you thought she was, therefore you aren't in love with her, but who you hoped she would be. Once we recognize we have feelings for an idea and not the actual person, we can start to let go. identify what you love about the person you thought you were with, but then identify how that person is not the person you loved, yeah? It's hard because we don't want to embrace that reality because we feel like we wasted our time or we can make good decisions or whatever, but when you realize "Oh, okay, the reality is I wanted to believe so much good about that person, and ignore the bad things they did, so now I accept their behaviour instead of deny it, I can see I don't really love that person, because that person isn't a good character", or something along those lines. It's okay to love an idea of a person and place your feelings there, but you need to differentiate between the real person and the person you really wanted your ex to be.

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    • those are* qualities

    • Show All
    • Thank you, this is great advice. I have accepted the fact that she isn't who I once thought she was. I guess it's starting to hit me harder now because it's summer and we used to do a lot during this time of the year.

    • It is a hard thing to do when you just really want them to change a little and be the "ideal" partner you thought they were, but it's better to accept the reality and work with that.

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What Girls Said 3

  • sorry for that
    well... its gonna take some time to feel better
    try and get time for yourself
    have a trip to a nice place to change your environment

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  • Time to pick up a hobby! The more you occupy your time and mind, the quicker you're be able to move on.

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    • I did that, but all of my hobbies are expensive. I'll likely start volunteering and just focusing on myself.

    • That sounds like a great plan.

  • Yeah I'm kinda experiencing same thing I'm missing a person who was nothing but a completely selfish jerk.
    Instead of thinking about the good old times you should try think back why it did go wrong once you remember her flaws and the things she hurted you with then it's easier to not like her because you are convinced that she's not been the one for you !
    Also DELETE everything like pics , text messages , facebook etc and don't stalk her online to see what she's been up to.

    Keep yourself distracted with things you like to do :)
    You've liked her for 4 years so of course it's not easy to forget someone that fast but trust me u will get over her !
    The sooner the better coz then u can move on with ur life.
    She will move on too so stand up for yourself coz no one will care for you but only yourself ! :)

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