I feel so dumb, used and angry for letting her get away with this. How could I still be a "great guy" to her when she treated me trash and an option?

Alright, so basically, to make a long story short, I was in a long distance relationship with this girl for about 1 1/2 months. We met about a year ago but I didn't contact her until toward October of last year. We were just friends until about January when I asked her to be my girlfriend.
Anyway, the relationship went good for a little while (or so I thought). I did start noticing that she was getting a little more distance and argumentative as time went on, to the point where she would take forever to respond to calls or texts but I ignored it. One day, she straight up told me she had to break up with me because "she had to work on herself" or something to that effect. So, being my first actual relationship, I did the dumb thing and askedif we could still be friends, she agreed.
While we were "friends" she would straight up ignore me multiple times until I told her that she used me and that I knew she was seeing somebody else (which I found out she was from Facebook). Of course, she didn't address the "seeing someone else" part and blocked me on Facebook and talking about how she was gonna completely back off from talking to me because it was too much pressure and she wishes me the best. I fell for it and apologized.
For a month, we didn't talk. During this month I found myself facebook stalking the guy's page on Facebook which just ended making me even madder. Eventually, their relationship fizzled out and she came running back to me and she did tell me about her relationship and how she broke it off because he pressured her to have sex and other stuff.
It was going good until she started distancing herself again until I confronted her about it and she told me she started seeing the other guy. I told her to lose my number. But the thing is, she was saying how great a person I was and how she didn't wanna stop talking to me. My question is, did she really mean that or was she just feeling guilty and ashamed that I found out and cut her out my life?


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What Girls Said 2

  • She probably meant it if she told someone else that. She wouldn't saying good things about you to others if she didn't think it. If it was to you then maybe. But not to others

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  • You're her fallback boy! Don't fall for that crap.
    You mentioned you only dated for 1.5 months? That's a lot of shit to go through in that little amount of time!
    I think for your own sake you need to step away from this situation and leave her be. You're feelings for her sound quite strong and they're not being reciprocated. LD relationships are tough, how often did you see her?

    If you stick around she knows you will play her game. I wouldn't waste your time

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    • I only saw her once the first time we met but never had the chance to see her again while we were dating. However, I did end up in her city while we were still "friends" the second time around (I even told her about 2 weeks in advance that I was gonna be there and sometimes she would ask me when I was coming over). But when I got there, she was coming back from a friend's baby shower in another part of her state and didn't make it (Even though I was at the airport for about 4 hours at least).

What Guys Said 1

  • Love is a game of attraction, not fairness. It tends to disregard history, promises made. It doesn't care if one side loves the other so much.

    In this case, you've already kind of friend-zoned yourself but, in kind of continuing to reach out to her, acted a bit like a controlling boyfriend.

    "[...] until I told her that she used me and that I knew she was seeing somebody else [...]"

    Mere friends usually don't create this kind of drama. She might have been going around seeing other people, very plausible, but you also drive her further away with these actions.

    "I fell for it and apologized."

    Here, if I read it correctly, I think the apology was owed. She didn't manipulate you, you got all up into her space creating drama after wanting to continue being her friend.

    "Eventually, their relationship fizzled out and she came running back to me and she did tell me about her relationship and how she broke it off because he pressured her to have sex and other stuff."

    There she was treating you like a trustworthy friend.

    "It was going good until she started distancing herself again until I confronted her about it and she told me she started seeing the other guy. I told her to lose my number."

    Why would a good friend react this way? What's with the confrontation and then telling her to lose your number?

    I think you're continuing to injure yourself but also leading to all kinds of drama for her as well. The mistake to me was suggesting to continue being friends when she basically called it off. You're not ready to be her friend, you still want her, and I think the harsh truth is that she really wants to pursue other guys.

    It's worth searching for a new girl so that you don't drive yourself crazy, but keep an eye on your own behavior instead of seeing yourself constantly as being used and manipulated.

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    • I hope that wasn't too harsh. I know it's soul-crushing sometimes. I only point this out because while she was probably certainly in the wrong with how she broke up with you, there's some tendencies you have that could drive future women away. If you can recognize them and rectify them, it'll help so much to create lasting relationships.

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    • Yeah, if she was treating you like a completely trustworthy friend, she wouldn't hide this stuff. But also you have to realize that she probably was aware you had some feelings for her even though your official status at that point was "just friends". She might have done that out of fear of hurting your feelings, not necessarily some evil act of manipulating the truth for any reason except that. As said, continuing to remain friends with a girl while you still have feelings for her is a road to pain.

    • To me the worst thing I think she definitely did was this:

      "[...] she came running back to me and she did tell me about her relationship and how she broke it off because he pressured her to have sex and other stuff."

      That's where she was maybe most guilty of using you. Everything about her behavior indicates she was at least semi-aware of your feelings for her. Only when she was vulnerable after a break up did she truly reach out to you like a close friend, but then stopped the moment she found another guy.

      Ex-girlfriends can do this a lot without being aware of what kind of insanity they're creating in our heads. I think over the years though things might calm down to a point where you find a girlfriend of your own, pretty much forget about her, and then maybe bump into her again at which point you can be true friends without feelings interfering. At that point, you might learn that she's not really this nasty person, just a human with desires and weaknesses.

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