Have you ever felt like this? Any advice?

Okay so, long story short, my "kinda ex bf" and I decided to have a "break " from the relationship until we figure some things out.. And we've known each other for nearly a year. But the thing is that I'm confused. Like, I'm not telling him what's in my mind always coz I don't want to bother him with it and make myself appear as clingy or desperate in front of him.. I still want a future with him. I still want him. But I don't know what I should do. He's been telling me lately not to over think things and to let time rule until we see what we will do. But I'm afraid. I'm afraid I will keep holding on to 'us' but that he will let go. I'm afraid that he already sees me as just a best friend... Sometimes I just miss him. But I can't tell him that. I dont want to appear as desperate coz thats gonna drive him away. So the problem is that I'm afraid of what may come in my way... im afraid of MYSELF... Of my feelings... And I'm not able to trust what I'm thinking anymore coz I'm afraid of choosing the wrong thing to do. Did you guys go through this? You have any stories to share?

P. S. Dont call him a jerk or asshole or any other insult coz he is the sweetest guy I EVER met and he still is my best friend. So don't insult him at all. And I would appreciate it if u guys were kind while typing ur opinions. Thanks in advance.

Updates:
Guys thanks for the advices you gave me. My "kinda ex bf" and I talked about it coz he saw the question 😅 soooo, its all good now and I know which page he is on. Thanks again 😊

0|2

Most Helpful Guy

What Guys Said 7

  • Okay understand a few things first thing is that being open and communicating your feelings wants and hopes for the future is key in a health relationship and Iin reality is not a sine of clinging nor desperation. Secondly I am sure he wants to and wishes he knew those things about you in fact it's one of his big concerns. Third thing is that you need to understand he has worries and concerns to and he doesn't and isn't telling you his concerns because of the fact that you are being a bot more closed off which instinctively makes him close off a bit to. It's a historical truth that communication is one of the biggest keys to having a good relationship and developing any and all relationships, but if you close off then he will to because he will and is just as insecure as you are. Now the question becomes how to fix it and how to define what you want. Now clearly what you really want is to be with him in the romantic relationship kind of way and to share your feelings with him openly and honestly from what you are saying that's what he wants to. So now that that is made clear how do you get your wish how do you get what you want well that's simple. Go and ask him face to face to sit and talk with you in private the tell him how you really feel and what you really want. By you telling him his insecurities will fade then as him what his thoughts are and how he feel and what he wants from this which clearly is to be with you. I know the fear you have what if he rejects you or what if you ruin your friendship but historically that never happens when your really honest about things because you are telling him your concerns and worries as well which will allow him to voice his concerns as well. By the end of the conversation you will not decided on what you will be and you will do it together but this can only happen if you're 100% honest with him. So go do that I promise everything will be fine. Well that's my two cents in it I wish you luck and that you both find happiness within one another and that your relationship both as friends and as love's flourishes. I'm sure everything will be fine good luck dear.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Thanks a lot for all you said! BUT you got this wrong 😂 we have been in a relationship before for 10 months. Then he realized that we have to figure the distance out ( the distance isn't impossible, but I will move yo England after a year so the distance will be waaaay shorter ) and like that we will try dating again. When we had a relationship everything was perfect. We told each other EVERYTHING. No secrets. No lies. And now we still do BUT I try not to tell him my feelings openly, even if its pretty much obvious 😅 and by the way, he saw my question on here and he said he will call me to talk about it. Sooooo I hope it turns out well coz I'm kinda nervous 😅😂

    • Show All
    • Thanks a lot! That means a lot to me! 😊

    • You're welcome.

  • If there were anything worth insulting, i'd still do it regardless. but it seems he's right, his head is screwed on right. He wants to let time tell, rather than panic and anticipate and expect... sorta like what you are doing now. You want a future with him but it seems like you want to mold that future yourself rather than let it just mold itself. Thats a little controlling isn't it? Unless you have some endgame and are a playerette, you shouldn't be worried about outcomes. Just relax and enjoy the time you spend together. You already said you guys are like best friends, thats way more than most people can say. If you want some form of control, all you can do is mold your own side... aka... stop holding back so as not to appear or seem a certain way. Get it out of you heart/mind and put it all on the table for him to know, the next move will be his. Either way, you will know and stop overthinking.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Dont shut down on him. Its the stupidest thing you could do. Not talking to him when yoy desperately want to will do no good. Keep the conversation going and dont label your relationship yet. I've been in your shoes and i'm kinda in the same situation right now. But if he's not interested like if he doesn't reply to your messages or shows interest then bail out. Its not worth going after someone when its not mutual.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Thank you! If he is clearly not interested then it would easy coz I would have it clear that I should move on. But I don't know what is in his mind... I dont know what he exactly feels and that's why I'm finding it a bit hard now to talk with him again about how I feel. And we wanted to have a break coz there's distance thats bothering us. But hopefully he will visit soon so we could talk about the future and what are we gonna do.

    • Show All
    • I think our situation is somewhat similar. Just one piece of advice that i'd really want to share is that focus on yourself. You need to build that fortress of awesomeness where you feel sexy about yourself without anyone else telling you that. Although i'm of the opinion that you should never give up on someone who you keep so close to your heart but then if its not mutual then there's nothing but misery.

    • Hahahha finally someone who can somewhat understand what I'm going through XD
      well, you are right. I really should focus on myself in this "break" time.
      I'm not planning on giving up on him at all... I'm not able to do that. Until he tells me that he might be feeling attracted to another girl or he doesn't want me at all anymore then I'm not letting him go coz I really do love him and we've been through a lot together

  • Straight and simple: get him to ask you to hang out, if you do touch him like before but not in a sexual way like but your head in his shoulders, or tell him I'm cold so he could hug you to bring back memories of good times... Tell him remember when we... Or try to start conversations. if he just doesn't seem interested then that's a sign he lost it. but don't beg if you see this behavior. Just ask him straight up too (but not on the first date) what you feel maybe he feels the same way about you, put pride to the side as well

    0|0
    0|0
  • if you are afraid that your gonna tell him that you miss him or if your afraid of expressing your feelings to him because he'll go away then you gotta ask yourself this question that does he care about you and your feelings?

    0|0
    0|0
    • He does care about me for sure. Thats something I dont ever doubt coz he already shows that. I'm not telling him it coz when u tell a guy that after a break up he will think that u are desperate or whatever and that's a turn off. I dont want to drive him away coz I want him to have his break. I dont want him to feel like I'm making him get suffocated or whatever. Its not coz he doesn't care about me.

    • Show All
    • Thats true. From the Qur'an... عَسى أَنْ تُحِبْوا شَيءً و هُوَ شَرٌ لَكُمْ و عَسى أَنْ تَكْرَهوا شَيءً و هُوَ خَيرٌ لَكُمْ ... Which more or less in English it means maybe you will love something thats bad for you and maybe you will hate something thats good for you... Thats another thing to always remember in life

    • yes exactly.

  • He might be feeling the same way.
    He might need time to sort things out.
    He probably has stuff he needs to figure out.
    You just guard your emotions. You love him, but he's not sure.
    Perhaps he's struggling as well. Perhaps he told you to give him time, so he can figure things out. He might like you, but not be 100% sure yet.
    At least you know he doesn't totally dislike you!

    0|0
    0|0
    • Yes. You are right. I felt like you already know what went on while reading your comment. 😱😂

  • Its okay, some months later you'll realize regret hurts a lot more than that.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 2

  • I went through the same thing. I fell in love with my guy friend and I thought he liked me back. We'd flirt and tell each other about our day and have movie nights and hug and he'd protect me and all that. This went on until I found out he was gay. I'm glad he was able to be himself but part of me keeps holding onto the idea of what could've been. The other part of me wants to see him in a happy relationship and living a happy life. I do think I come across as clingy sometimes, and I think it scared him. He moved to be with his boyfriend (now ex boyfriend) and when he came to say goodbye I got teary eyed (so did he) and we hugged for a while. After that we talked and when he was gonna leave my house I hugged him again and tearfully told him I'd miss him. I think he knew I liked him then.

    My advice to you is to be open to him doing what makes him happy. Love is about selflessness and loving the other person and putting their happiness above yours. You might never stop loving him (my friend still has my heart) but if he doesn't get back with you, just think of his happiness, but also think that he'd want you to be in a relationship with a guy who gives you the love you deserve. It's heartbreaking, but you'll make it

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes. Every day. And, you have to consider the other person. But, you also have to remember that what's good for your life is also important.

    Can you see yourself with him long-term? Does he feel the same? And, is there any way that you could find out what he is thinking or how he feels?

    0|0
    0|0
    • He does care about me a lot. Thats something I won't doubt coz he shows it. Its just that he is honestly right. You know my situation already so he told me that we need to date irl so that we would really get to know how much do we love each other. I just don't know how much he loves me or on which page he's on. I don't know :/

    • Show All
    • Good for you, sweetie. I'm happy for you. 😊

    • Thank you ❤

Loading...