How to break up with a guy who's threatening suicide?

This guy is controlling and incredibly possessive and it has gotten to the point where I cannot take it any longer. However, he is threatening to kill himself if I leave him. I know that this is most likely just another way to control me, but there's always that "what if" in the back of my head. What's the best thing to say to him? I want it to be short and sweet, cause he's gotten really nasty and I don't want it to drag on.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all you got to leave the guy and not think that it's your fault at all if he actually kills himself because in the end-he has control of HIMSELF and NOT you. Tell him "it was great getting to know you but things just aren't working out for us. You'll find someone that fits you better" (kinda a lie cause he is crazy but who cares cause he is being a complete Fukin asshole for threatening you with killing himself)
    Also, maybe tell the dudes parents if you really think suicide is a possibility. It's not like you'll ever see him again so let his parents deal with his stupidity and now the responsibility is theirs and not yours.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Threatening suicide is the most annoying thing that some immature, controlling and manipulative people do. Since he was controlling during the relationship and used threats to control your actions you should get away now.

    The #1 rule of breakups is stand firm. Don't be wishy-washy with what you want. Don't lead the other person on by trying to 'be their friend'. There really is no point.

    The only thing a suicide threat does is tries to push the hurt that they are feeling onto you. It's a way of "getting you back" for the pain they are feeling. It's an immature thing to do. If your boyfriend has no previous suicide attempts you have nothing to worry about it was just a lie to try to make you feel bad.

    The way to make a breakup the least painful is to just 'rip the bandaid off quick' one meeting to state your intentions and then nothing. Don't talk to them, don't email them, don't talk to their friends or family. Keep your distance and completely separate yourself from them. It may seem difficult and hard and curel but really, it's the only way to do it. Don't dangle any reminders in their face, don't lead them on, just completely ignore them. Seriously. It only hurts more and prolongs the hurt to lead them on. They need to get used to not having you around.

    You are hurting too so you need to take some "you time" to sort our your new lifestyle. you may be thinking "i need to talk to him because it will make him feel better" when really you just want to make yourself feel better.

    Seriously. You've broken up now sever all ties. It's the only way to break up with someone. Trust me.

    Completely ignore the suicide threat (s). Don't let him think he's gonna get any response from you for it. If he keeps up with it - call his mother and tell her to deal with it, that you're not going to put up with it.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 15

  • You need to drop all contact with him if he's some kind of control freak weirdo.

    Here, try the following:

    Tell your partner you care about them, but stick to your boundaries. Giving in to threats over and over does not make a relationship healthy, and it only allows anger and resentment to build on your end. You could say something like, “You know I care about you very much, and I understand you’re upset right now, but I will not _____.”

    Put the choice to live or die where it belongs – on your partner. You can’t be responsible for another person’s actions, no matter what – and this includes when your partner chooses to be abusive. Say something like, “I think our relationship should be based on love and respect, not threats. I really care about you, but this is your choice and I can’t stop you from making it.”

    Remember that no matter what your partner says, you don’t have to prove anything. Even though they might be saying something like, “If you really loved me, you’d stop me from killing myself,” the real truth is that there are unhealthy patterns in your relationship. Until those unhealthy patterns are addressed, they will most likely continue no matter how many times you give in to your partner’s demands.

    Or go to here where I originally found info on this kind of situation:

    www.loveisrespect.org/.../

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  • I'd get a professional counselor to help.

    It likely is control. I don't know the depth of this scenario so it is hard to know what to say for sure. e. g. do you live together, just in a relationship, etc.. Somtimes this can be worse with a guy threatning to kill you!

    In effect, he is in some state of mental illness. He's bonded to you, feels like he needs you for security, and doesn't want to lose you. But he's also probably not good to you. he needs serious counseling...

    I think I would schedule both of you for counseling and start out on your own but consider counseling together... that is if you are in a place where you still talk to and are not threatned by him.

    I think I would do so slowly so there is some separation and space. Reassuring him in that he needs to get help (give him a number of someone to talk to so you aren't the only person he has), that he will find someone for him, ... basically reassurance... helps.

    this may be complex. You could just cut and run which has some risks associated.

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  • It's nothing but manipulation and you're allowing him to do that. You're not responsible for others actions. Tell him it's over and if he threatens it tell him to stop talking about it and get after it then leave. If he makes any attempt just ignore it and leave

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  • It is just a threat to control you yes. And if he actually did go through with it, it's not your fault or anything that you can control. He has serious issues so if he kills himself he'll likely do it anyway, regardless. In no way would you be to blame! But he won't don't worry. 100% treat to control you.

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  • If he kills himself (and he won't), so be it as he was mentally defective and unable to survive. He removes himself from the gene pool thus lowering the probability of more mental defectives being born to our species. Thus our species changes for the better. That is evolution in action.

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  • i think he is going through the grieving process are there is 5 stages to it. he is at stage number 1 which is denial which can lead to false things to prevent someone from leaving. it can take up to a year to reach stage 5 to be completely moved on. if he has a mental illness then he will need help

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  • If you have a genuine belief that he may kill himself, call police/ambulance, have him put on a mental health hold for a couple of days. If he really is suicidal he will likely get the help he needs, and if he's just being manipulative, he'll quit trying to use that on you.

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    • Thank you for your response! I don't really think he actually would, but I overthink things a lot so the worry is there. I am more inclined to believe that this is all manipulation.

    • Fair. On the flip-side however, someone who would use that kind of thing as a manipulation deserves to have their bluff called. They make things harder for those with real problems.

  • My ex girlfriend pulled that shit on me too then dumped me like a month later and ghosted me, just dump him and tell his parents or siblings they might need to be hospitalized who cares its not your problem

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  • Dial 911 and let them handle it.

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    • He's not actively trying to hurt himself. He's just said believe that if I ever tried to leave him, he would hurt himself. He's super close to his family and deep down I really don't think he would. Right now I'm not talking to him at all, and I know that's not right, but I'm just biding my time, trying to figure out what to say. I just don't want it to drag on.

    • Before* not believe

  • Give him a razor blade and say go ahead.
    (Because of idiots, I should say that that is sarcasm)
    Just leave. He's just being dramatic.

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  • Just let him die. I'm dead, too. Breatheme19 killed me on December 2015. She actually told me, "Just die." I caught her cheating on me. She was a psychopath.

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  • You should probably just leave. If anything, notify the authority if he does something harmful

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  • lol fucking pussy he won't

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  • Certainly not stay. Just think for a minute if he ISN'T bluffing. That puts YOU in danger. He could easily turn it into a murder suicide pact. Contact a suicide hotline and tell them what's happened they can give you advice.

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  • Hey hacker/stalker do you like how I do?

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    • It's funny how y'all don't reply proves my point

    • Did you like my fake suicide question hackers?

What Girls Said 4

  • If this guy is threatening to kill himself I think hr has some serious problems. This is not normal guy behaviour. Knowing that you wanna leave him, he's still making you stay with him however possible. I think you should talk to someone close to him like his parents before saying anything to him. You don't want to risk anything and have the blame come on you. Parents can handle it better than you can. If they think they will talk to him and get him some help if needed. But please don't do this all on your own.

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  • Break up with him. Even if he he does kill himself (which I doubt he will), it wouldn't be your problem or fault. It would be his decision not yours.

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  • Ask him if he has a plan.

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  • He's threatening to kill himself because he's emotionally abusive. Just leave. Don't say anything.

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