My ex is over me but wants to stay friends but fights it if I want to say bye?

I need advice from a male. The one person in my life who it hurts me soo badly to walk away from is my ex boyfriend. We were bestfriends and he lost feeling for me and believes we are not meant to be. I on the other hand still have a lot of feelings for him and he knows that I feel differently than how he does. The problem is, that we go to the same events and I feel like I cannot go to them anymore because it is too hard on me to hangout with him as just a friend. He hopes that I will be able to heal fully and be friends but I know how much I want to be with him that I feel like my only option is to say bye... Yet anytime I bring that up, he fights it and says he does not want to lose eachother in each others lives... There have been tears as a lot of care is there on both end for the other person but he has no feelings for me and doesn't see us getting back. The only reason I would stay friends is if he was open to life happening and perhaps getting back together down the road. As you can see, my heart is so torn. I don't want to have to say bye, it hurts me soooo much but I also know I can't just stay friends with him forever. My question is, why is he fighting so hard that we don't lose each other all together and what do I do! I feel I know the right answer, and to disappear and truly go no contact at all but then apart of me feels if I stay friends with him in groups that he might see our connection again etc. Male advice please and female advice would be great aswell. My heart is so torn. Life is just so unreal... The one person I never wanted to say bye to, I feel like I have no choice to... Someone help :( please


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Believe it or not, was in the same shoes. And believe me, it was the best choice I ever made. He's depicting the classic phrase: "he wants to have his cake and eat it too". What that means, is that, he wants to do whatever he wants, feel whatever he wants, and still has you. But from your end, that's not okay. It hurts, you feel betrayed, etc.

    You should say no to being friends. You should go into no contact, and you should start working on yourself. It'll be hard at first, but over time you'll realize you made the right call. He's just using you as his backup in case other girls fall through. You don't want to be "his backup". Oh hell no.

    Your heart will heal, and maybe after awhile, you'll be able to be friends with him. And maybe, after that long while, he'll realize what he lost.

    Best of luck, and feel better :)

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    • Helpful aswell ! Thank you for the advice! Should I stop going to the same events we go to? I mentioned we would just not speak at them and he didn't like that. He wants to be able to talk at them where as I feel better to ignore him. Or should I not go to any anymore...

    • I think you shouldn't let him stop you from going to these "events" if you truly want to attend. You could potentially not go to a few in a row, and then show up to one and flat outright ignore him. It'll send the message. But seriously. Just straight up tell him: "I don't want to be friends with you, please leave me alone".

    • Took that in, thank you!!

Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm currently in this exact situation. I walked away almost 2 months ago. I realized trying to be his friend was NOT working for me at all. It's getting a little easier now but I still miss the hell out of him. I know it's best for me though. I have a lot less anxiety.

    I'm hoping one day he and I can be friends with him again in the future. Best of luck to you...

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • He wants to keep you around as a backup plan

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    • What would you do if you were me. Just take off all together? I care about this guy a lot.

    • Yes move on and never look back

    • Thank you!!

What Girls Said 2

  • If he broke up with you then it's your right to not speak to him anymore and he should respect that decision. He can't have everything he wants. I think as well he wants to see u all depressed. Do your own thing for 30 days and don't speak to him. Give it space then see how u feel. Xx

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  • He's fighting as he still cares. Just not in the same way anymore

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    • Thanks hun. I can't be his friend and I won't be. Its unfortunate that we lose our connection all together but I have no choice. He can't just have me around like that.

    • :) not a problem.
      and why don't you explain to him you can't right now as you need time to get over him? As that way you guys can talk down the line when your happier and over him and it's not a waste of a connection as generally people do need time

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