Painful break up, now best friends and see where it leads? Wth?

Previously my ex and I had been friends for about 10 years. He had/has commitment issues and I was out of a 6 year relationship this past October. In March we had this crazy idea that we should go on a date and it didn't take long to "fall in love". By the end of June we had a mutual agreement that we should savor our friendship and remain best friends due to so many differences. After a few days I realized how much of a mistake this was and told him that I thought we should fight for this as just days before he was talking about getting married. He said he wanted to be best friends, start over and see where it went. Since then we went to dinner, tonight he took me to dinner and a movie, he is coming with us on a week long vacation in 2 weeks and we are still going to a wedding together at the end of the month that is 5 hours away. He said he loves how comfortable it feels. What he doesn't realize is how painful it is for me. I'm still so in love with him. I did tell him this and he said he doesn't want to lose me but also doesn't want me to think he is keeping me on the back burner. To me, this sounds like commitment issues. This is a very very condensed story, however, I'm looking for a mans input. Do I run from something that will continue to cause me heartache or do I fight for something that he is maybe working though? I have 2 children that he was absolutely wonderful with and he still stays in touch and has "video game days", etc. it's like he wants us but not the commitment. So far it hasn't been "friends with benefits", just what he calls best friends.


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What Guys Said 3

  • It won't change so you've a decision

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  • You love him, he loves you. You guys have a great relationship.
    Whats the commitment for?

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    • I think the worst part is that this was the most painful break up I've been through. My biggest fear is that I will eventually have to move on and that someone won't be okay with him in my life. Together things weren't bad, he just didn't know how to deal with a simple argument and laughs about how silly it was now. Seems stupid to me like we would just fix it and move on but to him it's like starting over... Maybe.

    • I see, you want the reassurance.
      Well, its a toughy. He wants to preserve the friendship, whatever that means. Everyone knows that best friends make the best lovers. He obviously doesn't agree with us...
      So, I think your instinct is right on this one. You should fight for it. But you can't fight alone. Make one more appeal to him, then do what you have to. Whatever that maybe.

      I know it sucks, you don't gotta tell me the friendzone blows. I've been there my whole life.

  • Run.

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