When does it stop hurting? when did u stop crying/grieving after breakup?

my boyfriend of 6 years ended things 2 days ago. it was so unexpected and hard and I can't stop crying I feel so miserable and hurt I am truly heartbroken. I don't know how am going to cope without him. for the past 6 years he has being such a big part of my life and I can't remember a time going about my day where I didn't think of him or feel happy because of him. even in the past 2 days so much stuff has happened in my life and he is the first person I want to tell about it but I can't. when I think about it mostly at night I break down and cry. cried myself to sleep last 2 nights and sat in the kitchen floor crying for hours all evening. he told me I don't need him anymore and we need to find our own paths (met when we were 15). he said we need to move on and find our own life's separate. he is also moving away for work abroad next year and I know after that I will never see him again. I know childhood relationships don't last forever but I love him so much and am not ready to be without him. he told me he cares about me and still wants to be friends and he will be there for me until he has to leave. he has tried to call me once a day for the past 2 days to see if am alright. I can't answer it hurts too much. I need time and what's the point on me talking to him and seeing him when I can't be with him and knowing very soon I won't be able to see him again. it hurts so much I can't talk to him without crying or think of him without crying. I still want him in my life more than anything but I can't knowing that soon he will be gone and I won't even see him again it will break my heart all over again. this pain hurts so badly. will it ever stop? I can't loose him but I have :(


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Most Helpful Guy

  • For me it took me about 1 year until I could sit in a room without my face starting to throb while my mind became flooded with memories. Then it took a couple more years after that to where I could become somewhat happy and not want to jump off a bridge.

    But the time is irrelevant. It's a moot subject.

    If you're left with a hole in your heart, you have to fill it with something you love. One of the reasons I took so long to recover is that I maintained contact with my ex while she told me things like, "I miss you so much but I can't see you right now."

    I started healing when I cut her off and then started falling love with things again. I couldn't fall in love with a girl yet (I tried and just ended up hurting some girls because I couldn't care about them), but I made all these friends. And I traveled. And I developed new hobbies, went camping, climbed a mountain, partied to oblivion.

    At one point I started waking up each morning excited about what I was going to do next. And that's when I realized my ex had finally been pushed far enough to the back of my mind where I no longer wanted to jump off a bridge. I had too many things I was looking forward to do.

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    • In my case my fiance had broken up with me right as I was celebrating the idea of getting married.

    • Time doesn't heal squat in my opinion. It's an oversimplified expression. If you have a gaping hole in your heart and feel completely detached from the world, you have to immerse yourself in it again and find things to love. Each thing you love kind of heals a little portion until you become a functional person again with things to wake up and get excited about and not just dwell on the ex.

Most Helpful Girl

  • There's no set time limit for when you will feel better. Everyone is different. I understand that break ups are sad and hurt, and it's okay to grieve. But try to distract yourself. Spend time with your family and friends. The pain won't last forever.

    I can tell you from personal experience, I grieved my last long-term relationship for about a month. I was sad and cried a lot but I spent a lot of time with other people too and doing things to keep my mind off of it. I remember as time went on, I caught myself thinking of him less and less until eventually, I woke up one day and it didn't hurt anymore. In hindsight, ending that relationship was the best thing that could have happened for me because it set me up to meet someone else who treats me so much better and I'm happier now than I've ever been.

    So, while it may hurt right now, don't lose sight of your future. There will be better things coming and soon you'll realize that. Take the time to grieve but don't forget to keep living. Go out and do different things, distract yourself, and keep your mind busy. That's really the best way to move on. Good luck to you. :)

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What Guys Said 5

  • "what's the point on me talking to him and seeing him when I can't be with him and knowing very soon I won't be able to see him again"
    Agree with ya there. It's losing someone and then kind of being teased about it. If I broke up with a girl I was really into I don't think we would continue the whole 'friends' thing.

    Shit always becomes easier with time and things to keep your mind off it help a lot. Might be better off sending him a text and saying we can't talk for a while. Or it's better if we don't talk for a while.

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  • about 4 months

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  • My marriage finished 4 years ago, I will grieve its demise till I die

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  • It doesn't stop, but it gets better eventually.

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  • Hugs to you. :)

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What Girls Said 15

  • Breakups are terrible and hurts like a bitch. That is the downside to getting in a relationship. You make yourself completely vulnerable to someday losing them possibly. You are in the pits of the breakup phase where things are at its absolute words. The first few days are probably the time when you will be very upset and the worst and it's normal and natural that you are crying and feeling this way. We've all been there and guess what - survived. You are strong and you will get through this. This is going to be your new mantra. Healing is a process. You need to go through this to reach the new stage and the next and the next. It's like the typical grieving process that you are going through so I encourage you to read up on grieving and the phases of it to give you a idea of what to expect and how to make it better. It will get easier with time and you will and can make it even if it seems impossible now. As I said, it's at its worst now and you need to do everything you can to get support and to let it all out. It's OK go cry and be devastated.

    I had my worst heartbreak last year and can totally relate to what you feel. I was UTTERLY devastated and cried for days after my break up too. I couldn't believe it was over and that the time I invested in him was gone. But you know, each and every day I got a little stronger and I allowed myself one week of grieving and then I started picking up the pieces. I deleted his number, I deleted pictures, I took away reminders and moved my room around to symbolize change, I started a new workout regime, I kept myself as busy as humanly possible. I drowned myself in studies and set myself mini goals. Within a month I started to feel better and after 3 months I decided to join Tinder. Going on dates again has always helped me heal. Initially it was difficult cause of course I was not 100% over my ex after 3 months but it definitely helped. My breakup was mid August 2015 and at the end of December the 29th I met my boyfriend on Tinder and the rest was history. Just after 4 and a half months later I met another great guy who changed my life and made me realize how bad my ex was for me and how he wasn't the guy for me. I'm SO thankful it didn't work out with my ex now and I couldn't be happier. I never thought I could be happy after my ex but now I realize why it never worked. There was someone BETTER. And it's the same for you. There IS someone better for you <3

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  • There is no telling when the feeling of pain and grieving stops. In truth it really doesn't stop. But growing from your experiences and learning from them will either help you move on or continue to psychologically damage your mind, which you do not need. In my opinion I believe it is wise that you do let him go and not cope with it. You need to move on. You are already coping with it, and all the coping does is keep you in the loop of pain. My friend that is now married experienced the same thing with her ex, who is in the military. He has hurt so badly that she felt very broken inside, and needed counseling for nearly three months. Even after that, she talked to him as friends and still had feelings for him, until he started talking about his personal sex life after her and that his long time friend wants to date him but hates him talking to my friend. Mine you he used to live in California, the girl lives there and my friend lives in NYC. All that brought hell on her and she had to make a choice to either allow him to continue the emotional abuse or let him go. She made the right choice. And it's going to hurt even worse if it was a sexual relationship. That is something that you will never get over, or forget, but you can move on from it and not let it control or define you. It is going to be hard, but you need to snap out of this depression and think positive. He may had a reason to break up, but if he truly felt that way for a long time, I believe he should have been more honest with you instead of emotionally investing in this relationship too seriously in order to break your heart later. That's not good.

    But my friends ex said the same to her. And she did find somebody better and she is now married to him at 24 years old. Things happen for a reason wither good or bad. He probably knew that it was going to fade with time with him over seas. He didn't want to risk that. Either way, you would have been hurt. Think about what could have been the case: Him breaking it off now, or him/you not or can no longer commit to the long distance and cheated elsewhere for it to escalate into a breakup? Which would you have chosen?

    These things are to happen. You need to think positive and find other things to do. If your still in college or looking to get a B. A focus on that instead of a relationship, recollect yourself and become a whole person before you seek another.

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  • I went through the same thing almost except the guy I'm in love with is my friend... we never officially dated. He moved two months ago and I still cry. Just when he goes, make sure to think of what you want his last memory of you to be.

    Say goodbye. You'll regret it if you don't. I didn't think I could handle it with my friend but we made it. There were tears but we made it. Hug him tight and tell him you'll miss him. But also wish him good luck with everything. I literally clung to my friend and cried into his shoulder until he got in the car for the airport.

    As for how long it'll take, I don't know. I cried nonstop for about a week. Then I started crying less but I still cry. I'm crying now just thinking about him. But there are times now when I can talk about happy memories with him without crying but at night sometimes I still cry. I still love him. I don't think I'll ever stop. But you do learn how to better cope with the pain.

    Good luck! And enjoy the precious last moments you have left with him.

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  • Stop feeling sorry for yourself, I know break ups are so hard and it does hurt the most painful heart break you could possibly feel. It will stop, and yes you've already lost him but he isn't the only person who cares for you, he broke up with you its time you started picking yourself back up soon, its okay to cry let it all out but soon you will be okay,

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  • When it stops hurting is an individual thing. Some people heal quicker than others. All you can do is look forward. The pain will gradually fade until you don't really feel anything anymore. It's ok to mourn for a while, but at some point you'll have to pick yourself up and go on with your life. Hang out with friends and family, and do things you like doing.

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  • I'm sure it eventually stops. Right now it's normal to feel this way, especially after being together for 6 years. Time heals itself, don't wait for it to stop hurting, it'll feel like an eternity. Just find ways to be independent. If you have to, lay down in a dark room, or outside in like a hammock or the grass, plug in some headphones and listen to break up music then cry until you can't anymore. Just get the sadness out of the way. That's my unprofessional opinion.

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  • Everyone is different. It took me about 6 months to start feeling better about a 2.5 year relationship. I just kept myself occupied and avoided thinking it. Right now, I suggest talking to someone you trust to get everything off your chest. You will feel a lot better after you let all your emotions out and have a good cry.

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  • Itll hurt for now, but you'll get over it soon. Only time will tell when. Just focus on yourself now that your relationship with him is over. Exercise, go out with friends, try something new, do a makeover, etc. He is not the only guy in the world, you will meet someone in the future. Also, feelings dont last forever, so dont let your it conquer you.

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  • They say it takes half the time you were together to get over a breakup. Break-ups suck :(

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  • why did he end it?

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  • Aw I feel for you☹️. I don't have an answer to that though

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  • When realize that he wasn't all that

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  • You want to talk about it im going through the thing too.

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  • You are going to grieve for awhile. I just rememberd all the bad things about him. That helps sometimes, dont date for awhile, take some time to get to know yourself better. Find new hobbies, find new friends. All of that helped me. Dont sit and fester in it for too long. It only makes it worse.

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