Am I being unreasonable? what can I do?

So long story short i've never fallen in love with a girl as much as I did with this one but things changed really fast. She was so perfect and all and seemed so mature and elegant. About 3 months ago she told me that she wasn't ready for a relationship just yet... claimed that we were too young (not in the middle of our lives yet) hence not sure of what road to take. I didn't doubt her one bit in the sense of stringing me along or saw a guy better than me. All she wanted was exactly what she told me... she just needed time and with time she will come back to me ready. She begged me to wait for her and at that point of time i was really blinded by love. I straight up gave her an I promise and that I'd never stop loving her and she said the same. I didn't realize that she was actually wearing a disguise and that in reality she had nothing that fitted into my type of girl. The only thing left was her 'appearance' other than that she was a girl with a very immature and rational behavior. But how did i not realize this... well i think two major things had to do with it. 1 i was completed blinded and 2. she had that disguise for a solid 1 year and to me i don't know anyone who can do that without actually changing completely. I am now in a really bad situation because i do not want her to be in my future as i can see it not working out at all... but what can i do? nothing? i've made a promise... Is it my fault for thinking this way?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You made a promise to the girl whom you "thought" she was. Not to the person she is underneath the facade. You already know things will not work out, so why string yourself along with someone you do not see a future with.

    I definitely agree that your word is your bond, but she wasn't being completely real with you so its very irrelevant. No, it is not your fault. But just make sure to be careful with what you promise someone next time.

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    • great comment... yes i know i should be careful when making promises infact i am a man of my word. I hate people who lie, backstab and break promises im sure we all do. When I see immaturity i just can't stand it. She disguised so perfectly for 1 year so like... how on earth was i suppose to know she was faking? As soon as she (kind of broke up with me) she acted like what she really was inside. Swearing, mood swings, running away from situations and not dealing with them. Everything just fell apart... I don't want to hurt her... but i just can't force myself to love her.

Most Helpful Guy

  • First don't be upset. Your probably wondering why a 17 year old has responded to this. I'm very weary of people in general but one thing I've learned if someone doesn't treat you right pr you feel that person is hurting you get them out of your life. In this case I wouldn't tell her anything I would slowly drift away from her and if she notices and asks why be honest and don't be ashamed. She found you to be Interesting enough, that's better than what some men get from women. I've never been in a relationship and your making me jealous :-) this is a lesson you should carry with you. You will find someone else and be upfront about what you want in the relationship and this time tell them you know when a woman is leading you on and you don't like it :-)

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    • Yes... yes I doo i want to go and i want to leave... but i can't :( a promise that has been made especially one that is so big how can i face myself for breaking it. After she begged me to wait she has hurt me a number of times and i have said nothing about not one word.. I just sucked it up and pretended like i was fine. Gave her a couple of fake smiles and forcing myself to fall in love with her again. But i can't... her attitude disgusts me. This is why i am asking 'am i being unreasonable' I can't believe my bby girl turned into this ;-;

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What Girls Said 1

  • Are you sure she showed you a disguise of her true self? And if so, how?

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    • well, she never ever swore once... and dealed with situations perfectly. Was so sweet and caring. Ever since the incident / little talk happened she never treated me the same it is clear that she still loves me but it is also clear that she isn't putting any effort into it. She swears a lot and hits a lot of mood swings. If she is stressed out she would start swearing madly and instead of (before) deal with the problem along with me. she would just run away from the problem. I had enough of her attitude the other day and i decided to u know give her just a little hint that i am indeed pissed off. She told me how stressed she was about the following exam and how the teacher didn't teach shit for the past 3 weeks. I told her 'instead of whining about it and dropping f bombs why don't you use the time to study i can help u study if u want. She shut up then and since then you know nothings been really happening. I guess i got my message across? i am not gonna tolerate anymore of her actions

    • I always had this mind set... No matter how pretty the girl was if her academics was not at least close to full marks i would not accept her. This is because i thought that if a girl had good academics she would have strong mind sets and in a sense have great maturity. I realized that it was actually two very different things. Maturity and intelligence. She was indeed really smart, beautiful seemed mature. now the maturity is gone. All of it and that is the biggest turn off for me

What Guys Said 1

  • Well first of all brother we've all been in that situation. At least I have about 3 or 4 times in my life.
    Now is she seeing someone that you know of? Or does it appear that way? And even all that doesn't matter if you in your heart believe that the two of you will never last long. If you honestly don't think that the two of you will go much further then you're better off and more of a man to end it in a nice way. If you let it go on just because you've got an emotion going on that your brain is telling you is not worth it then that's just insanity. And yes I've done it myself and regretted it. And don't worryabout a promise you made. That was to the pretend girl you thought you had.

    I've always liked the saying. (A relic cigarette never tastes the same, and that's all I'll preach about rekindling an old flame)

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